www.HomosexualsAreALotLikeNormalPeople.com

I was born white and male and spent most of my childhood eating cheeseburgers at an exclusive country club in Connecticut. My nickname was "Mr. Pleasure." I attended a private elementary school, a private boarding school, and an Ivy League university, thanks to exceptional parents who spent half of a...

My favorite holiday is Daylight Savings Time Day (DLSTD). Nothing unites a country more than three hundred million of its citizens simultaneously asking "What fucking time is it?!"

Like Christmas*, the "real meaning" of DLSTD has nothing to do with my enjoyment of the holiday. People say there are...

I (sort of) understand why the inauguration of the President of the United States begins with a prayer. Ninety-two percent of Americans believe in a God of some form, and while I do not include myself in that overwhelming majority, I do recognize that prayers comfort people and I am...

Will it be hot? How hot? Is it the type of heat which brings on a steady, blanketed headache? I hope not, because those are my least favorite headaches. (I suppose now that I've disclosed this, Hell will most certainly feature heat which brings on a steady, blanketed headache.)

Will...

It took me three shots at spelling "Afghanistan" correctly--a gaffe that, had Sarah Palin or Bushy made, I would have pounced upon, wrangled in clutched hands, and offered to you all--like a loyal house cat does with a mauled rodent. (Incidentally, I spelled rodent wrong the first time, too.) But...

Ms. Palin's unimpressive and, thankfully, unsuccessful maneuver to the highest position in the world has been foiled--by me, and you (and many, many other people who may be considered "unlike" me and you)--each of us used sound mind and judgment to conclude that Sarah Palin, John McCain, and hundreds of...

Dear California heterosexual,

My name is C. Brian Smith, and I am a California homosexual.

On November 4th of this year you will be asked to vote on Proposition 8, a constitutional amendment to ban same-sex marriages. I am urging you to vote "NO" on this referendum.

Believe me, I...

Sarah,

I have to hand it to you: You gave a press conference.

Well, actually, you stood at a podium and said, "Hello, it's great to be with you. No, I'm not going to take any of your questions."

And then you said, "Live, from New York,...

Dear Sarah,

I believe that you are in touch with The Average American Family of which you speak. I'm quite certain that you connect with the white, white, orange-slice bringin', church-never-missin', "doggone" sayin', soccerhockeyfootballmomn' moms and dads, and their moms and dads. I believe you spoke directly to this Average...

Dear Sarah,

Hey, it's me. Bushy.

I'm not real good at letter writing and you're not real good at letter reading, so I'll try and keep this short. As you prepare for the debate tonight, keep my thoughts in your thoughts and nothing can go wrong.

Oh, Sarah,...