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Caitlin Colford

Caitlin Colford

Posted: October 27, 2010 12:25 PM

Dear Jimmy McMillan of the Rent is Too Damn High Party,

This isn't up for debate. You, my friend, my hero, stole my vote for Governor of New York. The rent is too damn high Mr. McMillan, and I praise you for realizing that. "Our children, the kids, there's no place for them to live... anywhere." This poignant thought you spoke so loudly, so proudly, like an auctioneer, affected me deeply. I now spend the cold evenings like "The Caped Crusader," scooping up homeless children and placing them in my warm home. To date I have collected forty-five girls and sixty-two boys. Won't you come and visit us one day Mr. McMillan? You could dress in a Santa costume, or perhaps Hulk Hogan, or Mr. T! I suppose this all depends on the temperature outside and the condition of your facial hair.

Mr. McMillan, you have inspired my one-hundred-and-seven children and I to work towards our black belt in Karate. Our house rattles and shakes as we kick and punch, yelling "Hi-Ya!" in unison. We are ready to fight the taxers and landlords of the night, the boys especially -- they can be quite violent and are often sent to bed with no bread. We are an army offering our skill to the Rent is Too Damn High Party.

Lastly, I have a comment, a praise, very personal and dear to my heart. My stomach sank, heart leaped, as you said the words, "The Rent is Too Damn High Party feels if you want to marry a shoe, I'll marry you." Glory be to you Mr. McMillan for recognizing me and my life long love!

It is getting late now and my children are getting restless, we sign off sending you kisses, hugs, and good lucks! We are on your side and are campaigning for you, Jimmy McMillan of the Rent is Too Damn High Party, we will cheer and leap as you move in to the Governor's Mansion come next year. And although we move around frequently, you are always welcome to our shoe, currently located under the Brooklyn Bridge on the Brooklyn side, but are frequently relocating due to taxes.

Yours truly,
The Old Woman Who Lives In A Shoe

 

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