A few months back we got a kitten. We haven't had a cat or a dog for a few years as we had both pinky sworn not to get any more pets after the last ones passed away but life changes and here we were with an adorable little kitten. She became out little princess. She has several beds around the house, just for her, not to mention the fact that she sleeps snuggled in between us on our bed at night. We feed her the best raw meat with special supplements added to make her coat all shiny and ward off any fleas or parasites. Little Ruby is living every cat's dream.
Last Friday as I was sitting in my office I happened to glance outside and see a mangy, black cat walking towards the house. Now, we live in the country on three acres and often get wild cats roaming around but this was no wild cat. It was heading towards the house and wasn't scared when it saw me. It was emaciated, it's fur was matted and muddy and it looked like it wasn't long for this world.
I started putting food out for it and calling to it and already after a few days it has become right at home. It knows we will feed it and not scare it away. Our little princess is slowly getting used to the idea that there is another cat hanging around and that we feed it too.
Which is all very lovely but is not the reason I am writing this article. No, what this is truly abut is embracing our shadow which is what these two cats have shown me. There is a light and dark side to all of us just as there is the pampered house cat and the once pampered, now abandoned cat.
The pampered cat is the face that we show to the world; we polish ourselves, dress nicely, always smile and show that everything in our world is fine. The abandoned alley cat is the side of us that we would rather not own or see or share; the ugly side of our nature; the anger, bitterness or resentment we have stored away or the secrets that we bury from our past.
Just like that abandoned cat we need to make peace with our shadow, invite it in for a cup of tea and chat, even make friends with it otherwise it will rule our life.When we push away our shadow side, when we deny those parts of ourselves that we don't want others to see then they have control over us. Once we make friends with them however they lose their power. We no longer live in fear that someone will find out about that part of us. Owning it and claiming it it the only path to empowerment.
What does embracing our shadow look like? First of all you have to identify the parts of you that try to hide from the world - those parts of you that make you think "if they really knew what I was like they wouldn't love me". Once you bring them out into the light and really look at them it is easier to take ownership of them.
Elizabeth Gilbert wrote a brilliant piece on making friends with fear in her book Big Magic in which she invites it along for the ride but won't let it take control of the car or influence the direction it is headed. The same works for the shadow aspects of ourselves - its along for the ride but it isn't allowed to impact the way that we show up in the world.
Simply identifying your shadow side can be a huge step in reclaiming yourself. We cannot change things that we do not acknowledge.
Once you have acknowledged that you have a shadow try and make friends with it. This is a slow process so don't be in a rush. Just like the pauper cat, it takes time to get comfortable with the unfamiliar and it can be easily spooked.
My biggest lesson was realizing that I had an anger issue. Once I recognized that and took control of it my anger no longer held the reins. Sure, I still get angry but now I can let people know it without going into an angry meltdown which is much nicer to myself and everyone around me.
What part of yourself are you denying? What do you think will happen if you admit it to yourself or to others? Wouldn't it feel great to finally come out of that closet and just breathe?
The princess and the pauper are making friends slowly, one day at a time and will soon be good mates and really that's all any of us to could ask for isn't it?