Co-written with Corey Jones
Caitlin: I first met Corey when I asked him, "is that your twin?"
Seriously, who does that -- posts a picture, of himself and his (nearly identical) twin -- on a dating app? After my initial confusion, I swiped right, since they both looked aight.
C'mon, Corey Tinder, help a sister out. Which one are you?
Corey: What I remember most are three things:
- First was the line itself -- "is that your twin?" The physical similarities between my brother and I have drifted over the years, but she was the first to make the connection.
- Then, there's the fact that she pinged me first. Bold move, and I was much more willing to pay attention because of it.
- Lastly, she described herself as "omni-directional." WTF? What does that even mean?
- Okay, there's a fourth. She was a babe. And an independent one, at that. It was hot.
Fast-forward 15 months, and you've got C+C forever. (You can see pics here.) Yep, we're a living, breathing Tinder success story. A regular, modern-day marvel. The only problem? We're no longer dating within the 15-mile radius for 28 to 34 year-old males.
Translation: Corey moved to LA. (Pause for sob. And then, resume.)
How's that for ironic? Technology brought us together because of proximity, and now, it's keeping us together, despite the distance.
So -- since we're too busy to invent a long-distance dating app for dating app-introduced couples, we're sharing some ways that we've made our relationship work... with more technology.
(We also know we're not alone, so we're hoping to get some of yours. Tweet them here, with the hashtag #YesAnd.)
Here's how we use technology to keep our Tinder success story alive.
(As for the tips, Caitlin's are odds. Corey's are evens.)
1. G-chat all day, errrrry day. That moment when he starts waxing intellectual about the morality of a landing page? Almost like you're there. You go, Stanford GSB. (As in, Graduate School of Business.)
2. Prioritize with a calendar. Distance sucks, but I treat my relationship as an utmost priority, the same way I treat everything else that matters most to me in life. Being busy is no excuse to bury your relationship on your priority list. You'll regret it when she dumps you, trust me. (More on this in future posts.) As a general rule, Caitlin and I aim to see each other three times a month, and we plan at last two weekends in advance.
3. Put it in his FaceTime. Communication is almost 100 percent nonverbal (93 percent, to be exact). Even chatting on the phone prevents you from seeing body language, which makes up almost half (45 percent) of how people understand and related to each other. That's why I'm so grateful we live in the age of video: Video texts, Google Hangout, Skype. That moment when I first see Corey at the end of a day on FaceTime, nothing else seems to matter.
4. ...And Facebook. Those obnoxious couples that selfie their way off your News Feed? To all your friends, you're now one of them.
5. Say "I Love You"... on all channels. Gents -- its 2014. Nothing wrong with spilling your soft side out more often than you're comfortable with, much less to your gal. Say "I love you," and keep saying it. There's no such thing as saying it enough, if you mean it.
6. Get on top (of mind). Leave clothes in his closet, so he thinks of you all week. (Yes, especially those tiny shorts he loves.) Stock up each other's bathroom, so you don't have to lug your toiletries every weekend. Then, cook a TON before you leave, so he'll literally metabolize you two times per day until Friday. Not that you're crazy or anything. (Bonus points for Instacart pre-deliveries, so you can optimize your time together. In other words, not at the store.)
7. Can you still call it sexting if it's only foreplay? Enough said. Please refer to #3. The power of video, folks.
8. Know technology's limitations. Be patient. The nuances of face-to-face communication are lost when you're forced to connect online and over the phone. Don't dwell on what your partner "meant" by something if you think there are two ways to interpret a text, or an email, or whatever. Whatever you "thought" they meant won't matter tomorrow. (Consider video texts, to diminish miscommunication.)
9. Turn the tech OFF to make time for yourselves. We are inundated with events and people to see each time we visit each other's cities. Be social from time to time, but also be conscious of nurturing what matters most -- YOU GUYS. It's okay to skip that rager for an evening of doing nothing. (Sometimes, doing nothing is the most fun we ever have).
Once close, and now so far. Okay, not so far when compared to bi-coastal couples. (Pause for full-body shiver and cringe.) But STILL.
We love you, and we hate you.
You connected us, and keep us communicating on two ends of this Cali state. But seriously. Sometimes, even you can't augment the human experience.
But for now, we'll continue with you, hoping for the day that you really do offer time travel.