I Now Pronounce You A and B

There was a lot of celebrating in California during the last week as gay and lesbian couples could finally get married legally. There's still the threat of a ballot measure in November to bar future weddings, and being identified as "Party A" and "Party B" may not be the most romantic way to be identified as spouses; but I know a lot of happy couples who could become "official" and get married.

I thought it was nice and sweet that couples who had been together for years or decades could finally share in a ceremony so many of us take for granted.

But, for the newly-married couples, there is ecstasy about some of the most-basic rights about some of life's most mundane activities.

Here are some of the stories I've heard in the last few days:

DB: "Our auto insurance company would not provide me with any information on our policy, even though we are both on it, and it's charged monthly to my credit card. We had to execute and send in a special power of attorney just so I could get information on our coverage."

HN: "More than one friend has died and his parents have come in, taken the body and refused the partner access to the funerals. This happens more than you can possibly believe."

WP: "Just to see your partner in the hospital can become a nightmare of huge proportions. Depending on the hospital and the person helping you, you are often sent home to get copies of any power of attorney docs, wills or proof of domestic partnership registry (in CA). A friend of mine actually had his partner die while he rushed home to get the paperwork."

GL: "Since the federal government won't recognize our marriage, we still don't receive the over 1,100 rights and protections provided. Now that we're married we're hoping we can receive health coverage from one of our employers that is the same as they provide straight married partners. And we're hoping that inheritance rights apply to us. We know we can't get spousal Social Security since that is federal. But as long as we stay in states where we're legal, can't be denied sharing a room in an elder care facility."

JR: "We decided we didn't want children, but if we did we could now legally become a stepparent. Gay and lesbian couples routinely are denied adoption privileges."

DN: "Twenty-six years ago, we committed to a lifetime together. We've been through all the ups and downs, good times and bad that any couple experiences after decades together. While nothing will change in that commitment, just hearing the judge read the words, "to love and honor, through sickness and in health, for richer or poorer...,' had such a profound effect on me. It truly brought us to the highest level possible. We are married. It validated our relationship after all these years."

And my favorite:

DD: "We now have legal responsibility for each other. That's major."

Congratulations to the newlyweds. That's major.

Comments

[QueenCeleste]

I am very proud of my state; may others soon follow. Good wishes to all who will be having marriage ceremonies!

[Newyorkgal]

Yes, it's about time! I think hospital situations can be tricky - for the married, unmarried, for children, for parents, for everyone. A word to the wise. Find out exactly what your state says (and means) regarding health proxies, Powers of Attorney, DNR requests, etc. Whether married or single, straight or gay, KNOW your rights and your assigned caretaker's rights. It's more complicated than any of the other legal issues. But enough about serious stuff! I am enjoying friends in New York, spurred on by the California ruling, who are planning weddings in Massachusetts this summer. They are happier than I've ever seen them, and yes, they KNOW it's a responsibility, but they have been living together long enough to have accepted the responsibility without any of the benefits!

[mamacat]

As a California resident, I am proud of what has happened in our state.
BTW, I do not see how making things better and easier for homosexuals in any way diminishes anyone else's rights or happiness.

And, I truly believe that a majority of Californians supports the court's ruling in this case. It is too bad that a minority feels otherwise, but, as long as they stay within the law, they are free to make their voices heard.

[JohnBryansFontaine]

The election of Barack Obama would be the Civil Rights equivalent of putting a man on the moon. And it would also be America"s proudest moment since that event.

As a Liberal Democrat, I want, to the utmost degree, Barack Obama elected President this November. However, the greatest obstacle to that happening is the issue of gay marriage. If California votes for traditional marriage, it may also vote for McCain. This is why Obama, as well as the Democrats, absolutely must keep speaking vocally and constantly for traditional marriage, while continuing to support civil unions. And the likely whining, shrieks and tantrums of the same-sex marriage cultists be damned.

The vast majority of to-be-wed Californians don"t want to be listed as A and B, but rather Husband and Wife. And they, as with most of the rest of CA voters, will vote to support this desire.

[NYCBear]

If you actually listen to the debate, it is the heterosexual supremacists who are whining, shrieking and throwing tantrums.

The gay men and lesbians are just saying, "fair is fair".

State sanctioned civil marriage, though, should either be available to all adults or banned entirely. Religions are still free to ban anyone from their membership - what's your problem?

[realityczech4u]

That's quite a list of anecdotal tales of woe.

I'd like to address the hospitalization one since that seem to be amongst the most popular complaints and I have personal experience acting under power of atttorney.
I cared for my Mom for nearly three years while she was stricken with Alzheimer's. During that time she was hospitalized six times in three different hospitals. At the onset, I prepared a folder containing a court-certified power of attorney and a copy of her living will so I would have it at my fingertips in a time of emergency. I visited her many times and was never once asked for ID or even questioned as to who I was and I communicated instructions to her doctors and nurses as well without ever being challenged to produce any paperwork.In the event that it was requested of me, I would not have had to go home and get it since I had the foresight to have it with me. Furthermore, during the extensive time I spent at these hospitals, I never once saw a visitor questioned as to their relationship. One such visitor stands out in my memory as being very obviously a homosexual. He came and went as he pleased just as everyone else did. Squawking about the 'unfairness' of having to follow the rules and have the necessary paperwork makes for great drama but it is much ado about nothing.

[midknightryder13]

May I ask, WHERE you were during this unfortunate time? (As in, what part of the country.)

With all due respect, simply because you personally did not experience or witness any such happenings, does not in any way shape or form alter the truthfullness of these related tales.

And, incidentally, you are missing the broader point. All a married couple has to say in such a situation is, "I'm his/her wife/husband." And that's it -- doors swing open, requests and wishes are honored and I have yet to hear of ONE case where the well spouse was asked to PROVE that they were married more than once, if that.

[realityczech4u]

May I ask, WHERE you were during this unfortunate time? (As in, what part of the country.)
---------------------
Western suburbs of Philadelphia aka The Main Line


With all due respect, simply because you personally did not experience or witness any such happenings, does not in any way shape or form alter the truthfullness of these related tales.
--------------------------
And with all due respect to you, just because someone cites such an incident in no way indicates that this is commonplace
.

And, incidentally, you are missing the broader point. All a married couple has to say in such a situation is, "I'm his/her wife/husband." And that's it -............

I do not miss the broader point. If you consider having to carry a document along with you some sort of terrible burden, you are making a mountain out of a molehill. Too bad for you. I found obtaining a POA and carrying it with me to be no trouble at all. Oh, and it cost me the exhorbitant sum of $125 for 8 copies from my attorney and $25 to get them recorded and certified at the courthouse.

[cinemaven]

Sadly, there are cases where a couple hasn't yet begun to think about giving each other POA documents when the unthinkable happens. We know a couple who were in a serious car accident. Matt was out and open about his sexuality to family but Dan wasn't. They'd lived together for 4 years and Dan hadn't visited his parents in 3 1/2 of those years and their relationship was known to Matt's family and all their friends but not to Dan's. Sadly, it was Dan who ended up in intensive care and his family requested Matt not be allowed to visit because they didn't like how "hysterical" he had acted. The hospital has no option in that case. It took Dan almost 2 months to be able to communicate with the staff that Matt was his partner but you can imagine the pain caused. (2 days would have been too many!)

These "tales of woe" are too real and most people with a gay family member knows someone who has gone through this. I know two couples...

Your own tale does nothing to demonstrate why two people who love each other should be denied the right to marry. If my husband is in an accident, I need no POA to have full care of him and to make the decisions necessary ... as his wife, no one will question my rights. Why shouldn't it be that simple for our gay friends?!

[ThreeCentsWorth]

So simple and so poignant. Imagine having an insurance company as the moral and social judge. Good for California and Massachusetts. Other 48, where are you?

[Chip1222]

It's about time. Most of us don't even think of these as "rights." Congratulations to the newlyweds.