10/30/2007 03:54 pm ET | Updated Nov 17, 2011

Seasons' *!#@! Greetings

I just received a Season's Greetings card in the mail, and I'm not talking Halloween or Day of the Dead season either. I feel like sending it back with a note saying, "You're kidding, right?" Oh, PLEASE! It's not that I don't look forward to that avalanche of warm wishes for the New Year but somehow this one seems insincere.

It's from a company in whose online magazine I once placed an ad. The ad got me zero business. They've consistently kept in touch by sending me emails announcing the happiest reason I should place another ad in this month's issue even after repeated "no's;" and they don't know me well enough to make everyone sign the thing by hand in gold ink.

Somebody, please tell somebody that we don't need to keep moving Christmas' commercial season up any sooner than now otherwise next year, furry boots and beards will become must haves in February--just in time for practicing the backstroke in all that melting arctic snow. The other thing is that this earlier than your-worst-nightmare-dinner-guest Christmas card has the distinct feel of let's get this @#!*& obligation over with so we can get back to work. Sigh.

I used to love Christmas, especially back when I was a kid and didn't have to go out shopping for anyone. Can somebody make a new rule that says Christmas cards must be heartfelt, and must only be sent via email? Then we can all go back to awaiting the joy of overstuffing ourselves on Thanksgiving Day.