America's Skin-Deep Crush on Michelle Obama
America has fallen for Michelle Obama. Fashionistas love her style. Ivy Leaguers love her class. Moms love her priorities. Even white guys are crushing on her. The First Lady is everywhere: Vogue, O, this week's New York Magazine. Like her husband, Michelle is a canvas onto which people can paint whatever they like, a mirror in which we can all glimpse something of ourselves. What do I see? Not those famous arms.
I see dark skin.
America may be falling for Michelle, but it wasn't love at first sight. When I heard her described as "intimidating" and "angry" or as Obama's "baby mama," I often looked at her rich, brown skin and saw the reason. In this country, you're less likely to get a job if your skin is dark. I can tell you from experience, you're less likely to get a cab. Think of the A-list African-American cover girls whose ranks Michelle has joined: Beyonce, Rihanna, Halle Berry -- none share her complexion. Academic studies show that Americans of all colors associate light skin with attraction and intelligence, and dark skin with poverty and fear.
Those "Americans of all colors" include African-American men, who are often criticized for preferring light-skinned or white partners. The literature on this is explosive and exhaustive, from Morrison to McMillan, Essence to Encarta. No doubt many black women, when they first heard of Barack Obama, assumed he followed the trend: prominent black man, light-skinned or non-black wife. Then they saw Michelle.
More than 1 in 5 of the votes that put Obama in office were cast by African-Americans, almost two-thirds of them women. African-Americans made the difference in critical states: Virginia, North Carolina, and Indiana, among others. Would the black community have supported Obama that enthusiastically if his wife had been lighter? I don't think so. And if she had been white? Forget it. Obama's ship would have sunk before it left the shores of Lake Michigan, his presidential run impossible without the early and deep backing of so many black women who believe that successful black Americans should work and love together in order to advance the community as a whole.
To be clear, I'm not saying that all black women feel this way, or that all white Americans initially hesitated to embrace Michelle because her skin is darker than Beyonce's. But Michelle's complexion has helped shape the way the world sees the Obamas, moving the national and international conversation on race forward in the process.
And I admire her for that.
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"Even white guys are crushing on her". Is that so unbelievable? You sound a little racist.
I love the fact that he chose a sista the color of his father's people.
Thanks Carlos for braving the waters and talking about a subject that makes many black folks feel real uncomfortable. I remember Bryant Gumble taking Spike Lee to task about airing out this subject in "School Daze", however as a young black woman from Maryland, where I knew people who still engaged in paper bag tests, I felt gratified that someone had the courage to speak up about a subject that has been particularly harmful to black women.
Rob forgets that women are judged by their looks in a way that men are not, and because this nation was built on the notion that to be European is to be superior, it is only natural that this prejudice would affect the African-American community. The polite way to describe it is Color Conscious. Although I disagree with Carlos that if Michelle had been light-skinned he would not have stood a chance (for example J-Lo acquired a lot of black female fans when she started dating Puffy, PDiddy, Diddy, etc.), I do agree that if his wife had been white it would have been a wrap i.e. Harold Ford.
Sexual preference is a very sensitive subject for men (blondes have more fun) it speaks to personal freedom and biology; sex is the last place where folks want to get PC. To the Robs of the world I believe that black women are not looking to chastise black men for their choices, but to level the sexual playing field.
My blonde, blue eyed, brother has been married to a black woman for almost 20 years. Attraction is where you find it. If you don't have a lot of prejudice to begin with, your choices become wider.
I know women are judged for their appearance in ways men are not. I never denied that. But I will say, if you are a black woman or a woman of ANY other ethnicity being regularly attitudinal makes you ugly beyond belief. It may be a defensive coping strategy, but it's counterproductive if you're looking for a man to like and respect you. Not all of us are masochists. And THIS particular man has no qualms about being PC in regards to sexual preference of female type. I like ALL types and I've never got the whole "blonde" trump card thing. Matter of fact, I have a HUGE crushes on actresses N'Bushe Wright and Nona Gaye. But I like Tricia Helfer and Eva Mendes too. Actually it would seem to most, black women have have the real PC problems because they never let us forget it. And if you don't think repeated press releases, black magazine articles, Oprah shows, etc, aren't proof of this along with ridiculing black men, then you probably don't practice mental reversal to see how these things sound to the men or any objective listener. And that's just basic social skills. It seems some are more interested in emotional release and don't care how they come off. And the "sexual playing field" has been open to black women since 1604. Loving v. Virginia meanwhile there's Emmit Till? Who are you kidding?
cdgforce doesn't sound angry or jealous, but you seem a bit touchy.
You know what? On second thought, I realized I misjudged your comment. And for that I apologize. Actually what you meant is instead of considering what black men are saying in regards to women improving their personality and cross gender relationship skills, you'll rather get payback and "even the score" because you think it's really about Eurocentric looks. Yeah, that'll work. Black men will come running back begging because jealousy tactics work on them just like your fellow females.
First Lady Factoid: Eleanor Roosevelt at three chocolate-covered garlic balls every day for most of her adult life.
Unfortunately this is still a problem. Michelle Obama's skin color should be irrelevant in this day and age, but it is not. My sister in law is black. She has 3 college degrees, but still when she was job seaching in good old liberal Seattle, she showed up to too many job interviews where they suddenly decided that the position would be filled from within. Her final degree is from Seattle University, an excellent private Jesuit college, but she initially found it harder to find a good job than I had with my AA degree.
It is time for people to stop seeing the color of each other's skin and start seeing the content of each other's character. Let us hope that within the next generation, it will happen. The fact that Ms Obama is first lady is an excellent step in the right direction.
It is unfortunate that the black community must rely almost entirely on this "hope" you referred to. The public must exert more energy resolving these issues now instead of pawning them off on future generations like our ancestors did to us with regard to poverty and unsettled issues of race relations. It is not time for people to stop seeing color. Color is beautiful. It is our discriminatory perspectives on color that jade our potential insights on race and how we all relate to each other as humans. When we learn to accept people (as well as their color), seeing the content of one's character is a cinch. There are many examples of what our nation can do now to correct our forefathers misgivings. Maybe "allowing " black people to host sporting events that they, for the most part, dominate in atheletically. Instead we have Bob Costas or someone like that. I'd rather have Michael Jordan or Barry Sanders or Barry Larkin dishing the play-by-play ahead of Bob anyday. Another example, music. I watch television commercials that seem to almost force a white lead to sing the jingle. Cricket wireless uses Aretha Franklin's 'Respect' hit for a TV ad and the commercial is littered with little white children singing their hearts out to no real avail. I thought to myself, "Where are all those soulful black children that could possibly sing that song like Aretha sang it?" Hiring those kids is a step in the right direction.
I am not pawning off to future generations -- the ones of which I speak are our children. I am 49 and my child is an adult. With his aunt being black, he is without the race predjuce of how his father was raised.
I hear what Carlos is saying and cannot disagree with it. But the day of skin tones as a judgement factor is fading. I can remember a woman from 25 years ago who was very dark, very tall, and very regally African in her looks. And her personality was just as beautiful.
I think that many Americans see Michelle Obama as a whole package. She is attractive. She is literate and articulate. She has an excellent education and professional record. She appears to be a very good spouse and mother. She has a heart and soul. What more could anyone ask for in any person?
Lucky for Michelle, and all black women, she hit it out of the park. But, let's consider, things would be much different had she failed at woooo-ing the white community. I assume those who think poorly of the black community would have felt vindicated in their prejudices if they could have based them on Michelle's blunders. As if Michelle is the only representation of the black community, whether her representation is favorable or not.
Carlos' posting only serves to diminish the real impact Michelle has had on America and her great popularity. Yes, we have a long way to go when it comes to race in this country, but why not celebrate our first African American President and first lady as the truly astonishing achievement that it is instead of looking for reasons as to why it is not perfect.
What is more important about Michelle than the color of her skin is the content of her character to paraphrase a famous statement.
She seems like a down to earth person who speaks her mind.
Her husband's feet are smelly at times. He doesn't pick up his socks. He has no fashion sense.
This is no cardboard cut out First Lady.
And she's not above saying more uncomfortable things about what it's like to be black in America.
As another famous guy once said "Honesty is the speech of the Divinity".
Here's another thing I love about Michelle: Her height. I am about the same height as Michelle and I am fascinated by her clothes, shoes, accessories--and my tall daughter is Malia's age. It's fun for us to see what Michelle and her girls are wearing.
Carlos is probably speaks for some, without doubt. But who in their right mind would not love Michelle Obama! As a white woman, the first time I heard her speak, I was mesmerized. My husband (also a white) is totally for Michelle -- and has been the first time he saw her and heard her. We really did not see color -- we just saw Michelle and we heard her. Like her hubby, she is a most special person! We are so lucky both of them care about us, black and white and in-between!
While race barriers haven't come crashing down, the Obama's elevation to the giddy heights of the Presidency have helped America turn a significant corner. Having lived in the Caribbean for 10 years now, I have experienced first-hand what Carlos addresses so well in this article.
Something that needs to happen is that the general citizenry of America not perceive the openness of this amazing couple does not represent weakness or over-the-top marketing. I see it as an appeal to world to grow up and come together, rather than trying to "win" or "lose".
We live in the most interesting of times.
As a white woman I am not sure what comments I can bring to this dialogue other than to say I admire Mrs. Obama and I live for a time when Mr. Watson won't have to write this article because it won't matter
Rob:
Some PEOPLE take offense at having their insecurity exposed for examination. Black women don't have a monopoly on that.
I looked through a few of the comments you've made regarding BW on this thread and I have to say your view is disturbing and I must admit disappointing. My goodness, who and where are all of these BW who engage in all of this "disrespect" of Black men? For every BW that "disrespects" a BM there is AT LEAST one BM (some would argue far more than one) disrespecting a BW, or one refusing to respect a BW because society doesn't (unless she's rich and/or conforms to a eurocentric standard of beauty... and sometimes not even then). BMs aren't the only ones "who like being respected as human beings" Black women do as well and some (like some men) even use this as the justification THEY feel they need to date outside their race. In fact everything you've stated about BW can be applied to BM. So to get on the internet and repeatedly broadcast this negative behavior in one gender while ignoring it's glaring presence in the other is far more destructive than productive to our community and comes dangerously close to resembling a smear campaign more than a sincere attempt at anything positive. We get enough of the negativity, bias and smears from the mainstream media, please let's not emulate them by refusing to put more research, thought and sensitivity into our comments about one another.
The BW were from all walks of life and backgrounds. And if you think my view is "disturbing and disappointing" imagine going through it and seeing it firsthand? And specifically some BW do have a monopoly on dismissively shutting down any black man that fails to sing their praises. And I never stated some BM aren't guilty of the SAME things. What I am saying is BW should stop with the retribution and generalizing of random BM and consider their own personality, NOT skin tone as the source of their ills. BM have been bashed as an impersonalized group for ages. It's routine. Even celebrated. Especially by our so-called "Sistas". And I could talk about what BM do all day. But it's too easy and soooo REDUNDANT. So I ask, isn't THAT destructive? Isn't THAT a smear campaign too? Or is that OK because BW should be able to release frustration on random BM even to the point of copying rac.ist whites? (seen that too) So when someone turns the light on BW now we wanna get magnanimous? Now we have to be "positive"? Really? That's the kind of hypocrisy that made me type what you read. The difference is at least BM are constantly reminded they can be that way and BW are blissfully unaware and think they're sacrosanct. That's all I'm saying.
Not to butt in, especially so late, but your main beef was about "painting black men who have a light skinned or non-black companion as having some sort of inherent self-hating character defect, but this label is never attributed to black women."
But this is patently not true.
I could cite many, many examples of simply walking down the street with a white (or even just light) male and being hassled (sometimes frighteningly)-- by black people-- from all sides. Not that they even knew our relationship status (um, he's not my boyfriend). But they felt compelled to tell me that I apparently couldn't handle "a real man." Sorry? Is there any other kind, whatever the color? Are darker men "realer"? [Side note: I grew up and moved away to the SF Bay Area. I now have a white boyfriend. We live in a white town. We've never been hassled.]
In my experience a huge plurality of black-on-black character attacks take the form of allegations of self-hate. Unfortunately, we seem to do this to each other a lot. If your hair is naturally shoulder-length, just wait: it will be all about your self-hating weave. Got a non-black significant other? Prepare yourself for accusations of self-hate, no matter what gender you are. Bookish? Self-hater! Why do we do this?
Great article Carlos!
So True!
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