Having a B.A. in psychology in no way makes me a psychologist (no matter what my parents think). But working in the wedding industry has inadvertently turned me into a pseudo-therapist -- a judge of character, if you will. When I meet couples for the first time during their consultations for wedding flowers, do I, the lovely innocent florist, make subliminal summations on the probable longevity of their marriage? Of course I do! And I think I've got it down to a science.
Now we all know that this is the bride's wedding. You can laugh because it's true. Sometimes the groom will come along to appease his bride (as he should), and every once in a while, you have a groom who is totally into the planning, which at times makes my head nod to the side like a dog and yet is very cool at the same time. He speaks! He has thoughts! And opinions! I've noticed that there are some couples that you meet where you know that this is meant to be. They didn't settle, they found love, they make each other laugh and it is just easy. Although her fiancé may not give a damn if there are roses or dahlias or freesia or mums in their wedding, she will ask him, "What do you think?"
This one little question, four little words tied together to show a mutual respect, is one of the best, if not the best, questions couples can ask each other. Those are the four words that can predict the success of a marriage. This applies to any aspect of life: from asking each other's opinions about where to eat or where to vacation to decorating the home to bouncing business advice off each other -- asking "What do you think?" shows that you value your partner's opinion.
Over the years, I've observed this one question being asked more than any other, and numerous times throughout a consultation or meeting. The groom appreciates that he's being asked his thoughts and opinions, and most of the time it will open communication for other aspects of the wedding, and steer the conversation into topics neither of them had thought about. It also generates ideas and options, leading to responses such as "I love it," "Sounds good," or "Well, what if we did this instead?" This kind of open communication is a testament to a couple's level of communication, which is an absolute predictor of marriage longevity.
This may seem obvious to us when we see those who are with their Mr. or Mrs. Right, but it's apparent that this is missing from those other couples where something's a bit ... off. These brides, or grooms, don't realize that they don't give a flying fill-in-the-blank about what their significant other thinks -- they aren't being rude (well, sometimes they are), but they just simply don't care about their soon-to-be spouse's opinion. It doesn't dawn on them to say, "What do you think?" Now that's one red flag I think we can all agree on.
While this isn't a scientific longitudinal study, it appears to be a good indicator about the direction the couple is heading in the long run. So I leave you with this, the next time you find yourself running the show, take a moment to pause, and ask your partner, "What do you think?"
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When two people have a genuine interest in each other and their surroundings, that's when those four words have an effect.
Sexism is cool when women do it.
like, years ago, my wife noticed that when I was working I would pay no attention at all - so, she'd come and say stuff like, "Horson, I think we should get a new kitchen, you agree?" ... and I would always muttle something like "yes, sure, great..."
the good news is that with me, I never noticed the new cabinets and would say something like, "wow, the maid did a great job cleaning on Wednesday"...
she kept the house ...
he's smart and I value his opinion. He asks me this question because he values my opinion too.
This question is a big part of respecting each other. We asked this question when we were
dating and now that we're married, of course we still ask each other this question. My husband
and I also planned our marriage together, he helped me send out the invitations, figure out where
we would get married, what day we would be married and all lthe other myriad of details that
needed to be figured out and planned. So if this question is an indicator of a successful marriage,
my husband and I pass with flying colors.
then proceed to do EXACTLY WHAT THE WERE GOING TO DO REGUARDLESS WHAT THE OTHER THOUGHT
the real questio should be
what is important to you? everyone has something that is important to them no matter how friviolous
"she didn't mean anything"
"I can quit anytime"
"your butt looks fat"
"she's just my ex"
"your mother was right"
"my mother's moving in"
"I am never wrong"
"its not your baby"
"we need twin beds"
"what was your name?"
BUT, instead of "she didn't mean anything", I'd try the better, "I didn't do anything".... or "I don't know her"...
Too often I have seen relationships go one way. Despite what the comedians say, your happiness is only half of what is important. If the only gratitude you show is being a willing bedmate (if I understand your implication), then that isn't necessarily enough. Respect goes both ways.