THE BLOG
10/25/2013 03:50 pm ET Updated Jan 23, 2014

Why Are We Still Falling for the Princess Bulls**t?

Once again the media found itself in a feeding frenzy with the pregnancy and subsequent birth of the new little royal Prince George. I remember thinking to myself, isn't it 2013? Shouldn't we be past this? As a woman who grew up in the '70s I find it hard to understand why we still look to being a princess as being ideal.

When I was a young girl, I used to read fairytales about beautiful princesses and how they lived happily ever after. What I never figured out even way back then is the stories never mentioned what happened AFTER. I mean, I am still married to the man of my dreams but happily ever after? What a load of crap.

How is it that women still think some prince is gonna come prancing in on a horse and take them to a castle where life is perfect and animals speak to you? REALLY?

Let's examine that, it's a castle so it's gonna be drafty and musty ALL THE TIME. No amount of Febreze is getting rid of that odor. Said prince still has to pay the bills so he's gonna have to go off to do prince-y things. You're going to be ALONE a lot of the time. The WiFi is probably gonna suck so you can't pass the time playing Candy Crush waiting for him to return. AND he's a royal which means he's used to having someone pick up for him. Nine out of 10 times, one of the servants will do that but what about that one time where he just leaves his boots right by the bed and you fall and twist your ankle? And if animals are talking to you, it might be time to meet with a doctor.

Here's a little tidbit about horses. Have you ever been to Central Park in New York City and just narrowly miss one of the lovely horse droppings that they drop off as they walk? They don't hold it in just because a prince is riding it.

Snow White eats a poisoned apple. Sleeping Beauty is doomed to sleep a hundred years. Rapunzel is locked away in a tower because of her golden hair. All have something that only a man can cure with a kiss. Are you fucking kidding me? I grew up in the '70s listening to "I am Woman, Hear Me Roar" on the radio. We burned our bras, we did the work men did, for chrissakes we wore jackets with SHOULDER PADS to prove how macho we were. I don't need a man to take care me. I can buy my OWN diamonds and let's face it, I have bigger balls than most of them anyway.

Then along came Diana Spencer, a young, shy girl who captured the hearts of the world. She was going to be a different kind of princess, not in the shadow of her prince, showing the world what strong women can do.....AND LOOK WHAT HAPPENED TO HER!

Sometimes I think after that horrific incident women decided that hey maybe being complacent and in the shadows isn't such a bad idea. "Okay so I can't speak my mind but I will have a crown!" What the hell are we teaching our young girls? If you want to be successful, sit on the sidelines and let the man do everything. Newsflash, ask any married couple who does everything in their household and he's gonna tell you SHE does.

On the other hand we also are telling our daughters it's ok to be like Miley Cyrus who pretends she's a feminist but is run by a group of men who probably told her to twerk in the first place while they watched alone in their bedroom. The world ate it up BIG TIME. You do realize that this is nothing new? Cher was shocking people in the '60s. Back then Cher was making a point about how women can do anything. Now it's about how many twitter followers can re-tweet your scandalous photo.

Can't we start showing young girls real heroes? Like Malala Yousufzai, who stands up to scary men every day of her young life. You think she's waiting for a man to save her? Or Wendy Davis who held an 11-hour long filibuster to block some of the toughest abortion restrictions in the biggest boys club in the union, TEXAS. How about Elizabeth Warren, possibly the smartest woman in Congress? Okay maybe that's not a good example seeing that all of Congress are a bunch of imbeciles. But you get my point.

If we don't lead by example, how will the women following us ever learn? So ladies, stop waiting for a man to come take you away. Take care of yourself. Cause if the women's movement taught me anything, it's that I don't wanna stand next to the King, I wanna BE THE KING.