THE BLOG
02/24/2014 02:17 pm ET Updated Apr 26, 2014

How to Get Out of Your Own Way and Start Living The Life You Want

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Women in our culture get into their own way more than anything or anyone else.

Consider these questions:

Do you compare yourself to other women and then feel bad about yourself, your career, your relationship or your body?

Do you doubt yourself and get stuck in indecisiveness and confusion about what you want?

Do you hold yourself back because you think you are not ready or not enough?

A client recently shared with me that she constantly feels like she is hiding in her life: She has great ideas at work, but doesn't express them; she longs for love and romance, but never approaches a man she likes; she wants to feel beautiful in her own skin, but dresses in clothes that are hiding her body. One day, she asked me: "Aren't we supposed to become less concerned with what other people think of us as we get older?"

This -- comparing yourself, doubting yourself, holding yourself back -- is an issue I come across with almost every single one of my clients. So many women (and men too!) spend a lot of time and energy analyzing themselves from an outsider's perspective. And typically, the thoughts we imagine other people to have about us are negative, derogatory, and judgmental.

We imagine that our boss thinks that our ideas aren't valuable, so we don't express them. We imagine the cute guy rejecting us. We imagine others starring us up and down thinking that we could lose a few pounds.

In essence, we scare ourselves into not showing up and into hiding before we even get rejected. Getting out of your own way and starting a more positive inner dialogue is hard, but fundamental if you want to create fulfilled and meaningful lives.

So, what's up with that?

As human beings, we learn our biggest lessons through real life experiences and the feelings that precipitate from them.

What that means is that if you really want to get out of your own way, stop thinking so much about all the things you should/ could/ ought to do and instead, put your energy into collecting positive real-life experiences one small step at a time. That is what will make you actually feel confident, powerful and secure in yourself, your abilities and your body.

We all have experiences in our lives that are less glossy than other. Sometimes sh*t hits the fan and we feel insecure and scared to show ourselves again.

However, the difference between someone who spends their best years in hiding and someone who can get out of their own way, bounce back and regain their shine, is in their ability to acknowledge the fact that something feels scary, but does it anyway.

That is what self-love and a positive self-image are all about: giving yourself the benefit of the doubt. Granting yourself permission to fail, get up, shake it off, and try again.

Once my client got out of her own limiting ways and slowly collected positive and empowered experiences, she was able to grow authentic confidence and actually offer the gifts she naturally had but that were suppressed and in hiding. Her life changed completely.

Instead of waiting (potentially forever!) for the confidence to do what you want, start with doing what you love step-by-step and create authentic confidence through taking those actions.

Getting out of your way means taking action towards something that you want to invite into your life. These action steps can be small or large. There is no pressure to get it all set and done by tomorrow. You can take your time, but do something every day that will increase the number of positive experience you collect in regard to yourself.

It's up to you to get out of your own way and there is never a better time to start collecting positive experiences than today.

I know you can do this, because I have seen many people do it before you! You can move towards a more positive and empowered way of thinking.