The scariest part of failure is being seen when you're most vulnerable and least perfect. It is far safer (and easier) to hide behind dreams and schemes. It is even fun to dream and scheme -- to think "what if," and to create our own fairy tales -- you know, something to look forward to, one day when you just know that it's the right time. But while we wait for the perfect time, we watch others soar -- we listen closely to their tales and imagine how one day we will be telling a similar tale of triumph and victory. These tales, over time, often grow as we gain new experiences, watch others' experiences, and engage in endless daydreaming.
Now, back to the point at hand -- the scariest part of failure. When we abandon the confines of "life as usual," we leap, hoping that we will fly and garner the awe of those watching from the valley as we soar. But what happens if we don't fly?
What most people aren't prepared for is how to cope with the reality of hitting the ground. It's not pretty -- definitely not the fairy tale story that has been growing for years in your mind. And once you're there on the ground, it hurts... a lot. Your ego is bruised. More than that, your ability to dream and act on your dreams becomes painfully difficult. You no longer wear rose-colored glasses. Leaping becomes harder because you've lost your childlike naiveté.
So what do you do? How do you begin to tell your tale and cultivate hope for the future? You realize that you can't rewind your life. You can either hit pause or play. While hitting pause is a powerful part of the healing process, at some point, you need to begin hitting the play button more than the pause button. To do this, there is one thought that has helped me along the way: You have nothing to lose. Failing (especially failing BIG) provides you with a sense of freedom that you can never gain by playing it safe. It's this freedom that separates you from those who never leap. It's this freedom that you will one day tell about in your tale. It's this freedom of knowing how to get back up after hitting the ground that will allow you to soar far higher than you ever imagined possible.
This is your tale, are you ready to tell it? Begin by hitting play.
P.S. I realize the topic of failure is difficult to discuss in a public forum. But it's my hope to begin to open up the dialogue around this very real/scary topic so that we realize (we = myself included) we are never alone on our journey. I would love to know if this topic is something you like reading about -- you can let me know in the comments or via email/Twitter. I am truly grateful for your support.
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Jonathan Alpert: Be Fearless: Get Up After You Fall
We can transform failure into defeat when we give our best and still don't win. It is easier to move on when we know that we have tried our best.
Life is full of ups and downs. It's always good to leap, it gets easier as we do it more often.
Thanks for your honesty..... it took me a good 6 months before I could even think about pressing play again !
http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-4907/6-Tips-to-Overcome-Failure-Get-Back-on-Track.html
"Giving up on your dreams is like getting halfway to work, getting a flat tire and becoming paralyzed with anger. Unless you calm yourself, change that tire and make it all the way to work, you won’t get paid. If you give up and stop short of anything that you needed to complete, you don’t even get credit for the hard work that you did. Go the distance, deal with the problems and challenges, keep getting back up and when it’s the right time you will profit because you took care of business and finished it."
Thank you so very much for contributing your powerful thoughts to my post.
Replying to this part of your comment: "But if we were sane and did not have false expectations and failed anyway, I don't see any freedom there."
This is the type of failure that I am talking about. To give your all to something that you believe in wholeheartedly with the most realistic of expectations and then fail. When this happens, it can totally destroy a person. And the only way not to let it destroy you is to find any morsel of hope/positivity that you can from the experience. From personal failing experience, I've found that I feel a new sense of freedom to go after my goals because I've hit the ground so hard and picked myself up. So what is the worst that can happen this time?
However, failure is a highly personal topic. What it means differs from person to person, experience to experience.
Thank you so much for the food for thought :)!
Thus, perversely, failure is best experienced by the irrationally optimistic. In fact, one could almost wish it on them! We're staring into the abyss of relative levels of failure, though.
I have definitely hit the pause button and am finding it quite challenging to push the play button again.
Almost two years to the day, I was forced to abandon the confines of "life as usual" and it was a life I had become numb to, a life I had grown to hate.
I was determined to take a leap, not play it safe and how hard that was for me to take that step off the ledge and fly.
I stepped off the ledge and I hit the ground so hard. I failed and I failed big. I was not prepared for the reality of not being able to fly and hitting the ground.
So as I heal from this experience, I wait. I daydream. I feel safe behind the glass walls. The pause button is fully depressed and the play button is currently disabled. Don't push that button again.
I hope to some day be able to re-frame this experience and share my hero's journey, to be able to pick myself up off the ground.
I failed and I failed spectacularly. The bruises are deep.
Will I ever let myself not know again and still jump? Can I close my eyes and let go?
Could I get back up again?
http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-4907/6-Tips-to-Overcome-Failure-Get-Back-on-Track.html
I know that hiding away and playing small is the exact opposite of the life I want to live.
Here is to everyone that keeps moving forward, moving towards the life we were born to live.
Cheers