I Am (not) Good Enough: Three Ways to Battle This Feeling

Simply writing this title has decreased my confidence significantly. Yet now that I realize why I feel self-doubt, I can move forward and write this post -- my first for the Huffington Post. How incredible it is that in a split second, we can shift our mindset from negative to positive.

Curiously, we rarely use this powerful ability because it's easier to hit our snooze button and ignore it. We get so good at this that snoozing becomes a reflex action -- that is, until we wake up and confront this yucky feeling. About a year ago, I realized that by ignoring this message, I was empowering it and weakening myself. Back then, had someone told me that I would be willing to admit my imperfections, I would have thought it impossible.

So how did I get to this point just a year later? By taking things one day at a time.

I work to overcome the feeling of being "not good enough" by using the following strategies that might work for you as well:

1) Make a Decision

As individuals, we have the incredible power to decide that we are, in fact, good enough. You are the person who owns the sole key to your self-worth, which governs what you do. In order to achieve the feeling of being good enough, you must first believe it. If you choose not to do so, then no one else can do it for you. Write it down and say it to yourself. When you make the choice, you become the decision maker and you are back in power. You hold that key, yet often forget that you do. So remind yourself that when you feel imperfect, you've chosen to be imperfect. Of course, perfection is merely a facade that holds us back from moving forward.

You must believe -- truly believe -- that you are good enough, which will allow you to let go of your quest for perfection.

2) Emphasize the Positive

How often do you quickly dismiss something you did well? Do you allow yourself to recognize and accept praise from others and feel that you deserve it? The frequency of this is likely much less than the amount of time you spend dwelling on something you did wrong or even sub-par. Do you recognize criticism and feel that you deserve it much more than praise?

Always remember that you're on your side, always.

3) Redefine Perfect

During my freshman year at Duke, I failed my first two exams. I had prepared so much for both exams and can still remember the moment I called my mom after getting an F on my chemistry exam. I thought that I didn't belong at Duke, that I wasn't good enough. Ultimately, I graduated from Duke with high honors, and I credit those two exams for my academic success.

I had only known the situation of being "perfect" prior to college, and those tests served as my wakeup call. Perfect was no longer what I wanted. Instead, my first goal distilled into simply passing my exams. When the threat of perfection was lifted, so was the pressure and anxiety I felt while preparing for and taking exams. I also reexamined my expectations. What did I want in the end, just good grades? No, I wanted to become a psychologist. I had a goal and I was going after it.

By releasing the self-assigned pressure of perfection, you will release the corresponding anxiety and allow yourself to perform up to your abilities.

By utilizing these strategies, you too can work to overcome the feeling that you are not good enough. The little voice that pops up at the worst of times and screams, "I am not good enough!" is awful. But while you may feel sometimes that it is easier to silence the voice deep within by hitting your snooze button, you must also realize the importance of the struggle to empower yourself and to value your self-worth at the cost of perfection.

Follow Carolyn Rubenstein on Twitter: www.twitter.com/clrsimple2

Comments

[mmbest1996]

Carolyn,
I enjoyed your article. I especially liked "Always remember that you're on your side, always." I like to collect quotes. That one is a keeper.

[Carolyn Rubenstein - Huffpost Blogger]

Thank you so much! I am also a huge fan of quotes :).

[kirklmiller]

Carolyn,

Congratulations on your article. Great perspective and thoughts on this.

I am anxious to read your book and look forward to recommending it to others on my site.

Thanks for the inspiration,

Kirk @simple-mo­tivation.c­om

[Carolyn Rubenstein - Huffpost Blogger]

Kirk, You are so kind! Thank you for your support. I look forward to learning more from your great site.

[David Silvers]

Interesting post. Very thought provoking. I am proud of you, sis.

[Carolyn Rubenstein - Huffpost Blogger]

Thank you, David :).

[NevaforLeadership]

Great article, Carolyn. Thank you.

I haven't heard it expressed quite like that before. Give up the quest for perfection to lose the feeling that one isn't good enough.

I shall have to try it.

[Carolyn Rubenstein - Huffpost Blogger]

I am so happy you liked the post and are able to take away something to use within your own life. I look forward to hearing how you begin to try it. Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts.

[spicyhoneychicken]

These are all fantastic lessons. It's so important to set realistic, focused goals for yourself; as you teach in this wonderfully written post, you can never be happy or realize what you have accomplished if you are only striving for and chasing a Platonic ideal of perfection.

You continue to inspire us with your work and, most recently, your words. Keep on blogging Carolyn, the world is a better place when we can hear your voice.

[Carolyn Rubenstein - Huffpost Blogger]

Thank you so much for your kind comment. I really appreciate your support!

[MerhabaAbi]

Hi Carolyn,

I especially liked your emphasis on decision making and how we can influence our own moods quickly and conscientiously if we apply ourselves. I haven’t previously used the technique for negative self imagery but I’ll remember to in the future. I direct myself away from anger and resentment toward tolerance and remembering what I’ve got to be grateful for.

Great post! Congratulations on becoming a HuffPo blogger. I read and enjoy a great many of the authors in the living section and I can already tell that I'll be a regular follower of your posts.

With love,
Little Brother

[Carolyn Rubenstein - Huffpost Blogger]

Gratitude and decision making are so powerful. I'm so happy you enjoyed the post!

[conhays]

Life is so short. It is amazing when one gets older and recognizes how important the strategies you describe should have been years ago!
Isn't it amazing how we all strive for our own version of "perfection" ? It can become self defeating. Thanks for advice-and the honesty!

[Carolyn Rubenstein - Huffpost Blogger]

Thank you so much for your comment. Everything you said is so true. Striving for "perfection" is so self-defeating. Yet, it can take us our whole lives to realize it!

[jlc9127]

When do you post again? Please let us know so that we can keep following you!

[Carolyn Rubenstein - Huffpost Blogger]

I'll have a fresh post up next week!

[MerhabaAbi]

Hi Carolyn and jlc

Also,

One can click on your header above the article and then add you as a fovorite. Your bio page lists chronologically by most recent all of you posts

[Christina Aubin]

Thanks for a great post., #2 really hits home. Why is it so hard to graciously and honesty accept praise and acknowldge that you deserve it? I'm working on that one.

[Carolyn Rubenstein - Huffpost Blogger]

Thank you so much for your comment, Christina. I'm still working on number two as well :). It is so difficult to accept praise, yet we are so good at accepting criticism - ironic isn't it!

[sdfriedel]

great article! (i especially love the hung advertisements peppering an article called "i am (not) good enough.")

[Carolyn Rubenstein - Huffpost Blogger]

Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment! I'm happy you like the title. It felt so right yet strange at the same time.

[Louu28]

Great article, it's very inspirational.

[Carolyn Rubenstein - Huffpost Blogger]

Thank you so much! I appreciate your comment :).

[misselainee]

I agree with "Lou28", the article is inspirational!

[Carolyn Rubenstein - Huffpost Blogger]

Thank you!! So happy you liked it.

[W2JKD]

My flight instructor taught me: "Attitude is Altitude". True in life too isn't it? Your insight into the dynamics of positive motivation are right on. Thanks for the inspiration!

[Carolyn Rubenstein - Huffpost Blogger]

What a great quote: "Attitude is Altitude." So very true in life. Thank you for sharing your inspiration on here!

[CaveatMagnusFrater]

Hi Carolyn,

(2) Emphasize the Positive

I often greet people by asking, "How you doin"? My friend Johnny invariably replies "awesome". I love it. I asked him about it a few weeks ago and he told me that answers that way all the time with everyone. It's a stark contrast to many of the standard replies: "could be better" "not bad" "getting by"

His positive answer seems to brighten or lighten the moods of everyone around. I think it's awesome.

[Carolyn Rubenstein - Huffpost Blogger]

I definitely agree. A positive mood is contagious (and a negative mood, too - I suppose that's why we need more positive!). Thank you for sharing your personal example. It helps demonstrate #2 so well :).

[BLedford]

Great post Carolyn. I look forward to reading more from you on the Huffington Post. Keep it up.

[Carolyn Rubenstein - Huffpost Blogger]

Thank you so much! I look forward to writing more as well. The Huffington Post has an incredible community.