How often do we identify and really think about the good stuff? We seem to focus an incredible amount of our energy on things that don't make us feel joyful--like the things that are missing from our lives. We wonder what we have done wrong, why we aren't accomplishing more, and, well, the list seems endless.
Yet, we typically spend much less time contemplating the positive aspects of our lives; the things that really make us happy and that bring joy into our lives. So why do we do this? I believe that these positive questions are accompanied by feelings of guilt and other negative, self-related thoughts. Because of this, the positive questions are confronted--and often overtaken--by the negative questions. It's sort of a 2-for-1 deal. As such, focusing on the positive requires more energy than simply choosing to accept the negative, an action that we all realize is typically not accompanied by feelings of positivity. Thus, negativity has become our norm.
Joy Cravings
I crave joy and guess that many others do as well. But these cravings aren't usually translated into an objective form. Instead, they remain shapeless; they never quite materialize. Have you ever noticed how much time we take to create to-do lists for ourselves? More precisely, have you noticed how few of those items are associated with extreme joy? So why don't we begin creating to-enjoy lists instead? One of my main reasons is that it's easiest (in terms of guilt) to disappoint myself rather than someone else. And while that statement may seem true, it certainly isn't rational. In fact, what that statement translates into is that I don't deserve joy. Others come before me. Clearly, that is nowhere near my personal manifesto.
There is still another point to consider in this whole doubting of joy experience. When you're lacking joy in your life, the deficit certainly impacts your ability to give joy to others.
And for the real doubters, think about the words of Mother Teresa:
"Joy is love - a joyful heart is the normal result of a heart burning with love, for she gives most who gives with joy."
Turn Knowledge into Action
1) Identify Your Joy Cravings
You already know of many things that bring you joy, and you realize as well that you're craving to add more of those into your life. Alternatively, you may have absolutely no clue about what brings you joy. Regardless of where you are in identifying these cravings, you should still begin to note them. Just use a simple piece of paper, a journal, an electronic document, paper notes put in a little container (great for spur of the moment joy cravings!), or any method that works best for you. Here, the goal is to acknowledge these cravings and turn them into concrete knowledge.
Some examples of Joy Cravings can include: yoga, a project you want to do, or an activity/special event that sounds exciting.
When you think: Oh, I wish I had the time/the money/ [insert any other reason here] for that..., work quickly to capture that joy craving!
2) Translate These Cravings into "Real" Items
Now that you have the knowledge, take heart; you've succeeded in identifying some of your joy cravings. Now, it's time to take action!
Go through your joy cravings and decide how you're going to take action on at least one item. If you placed them into a container, think about randomly pulling one out. As long as you resolve that you're going to take the knowledge contained on that slip of paper and put it into action, you're set to go.
Be careful not to overwhelm yourself; in other words, don't subtract the joy from your joy cravings. If you're not accustomed to "you" time, start slowly. Set a goal for the week, something like spending 15 minutes working on that first action step.
Of course, the hardest part is starting, so create a goal that you can accomplish. From there, you can gradually work towards adding more of those to-enjoy items to your daily schedule.
--
* I sent out my first newsletter this week! You can read it online and sign up to receive some exciting freebies and of course, lots of inspiration!
* Officially, 11 days until the release of Perseverance!! Please help begin this journey by pre-ordering Perseverance today!
{image:iStockphoto.com/pavlinec}
Follow Carolyn Rubenstein on Twitter: www.twitter.com/clrsimple2
Joy is a tingling sensation inside. Moment to moment appreciation of "what is" can be triggered from outside influences; a glorious sunset, a puppy licking your face, a comfy pair of new(or worn-in) shoes.
Knowing what brings us joy, is an internal switch, that is accepting- not exactly a craving. It's difficult to fill the holes of cravings.
MerrieWay suggests: Watch what you crave from the aspect that is OK to have it and OK not to have it. A calm, gentle peace can bubble from inside and make our daily experiences more joyful.
www.merrieway.com
Thank you for your comment. I believe people will find your comment and website very interesting!
I will be spending my weekend doing things that bring me joy, this whole week has been focused on the negative and I need to get out of that frame of mind.. it takes a toll on our bodies and minds.
We all too much focus on the negative rather than the positive. This post brings up thoughts of the In2 Effect, where you turn something bad into something positive. Rather than thinking about the frustrations in life, we should be focusing on the the things that bring us joy.
I am extremely guilty of focusing more on the "have-nots" than the "haves" and take many things in my life for granted. Is it due to self-pity or my competitive nature of striving for the best and always wanting more (it seems that some things are just never good enough - which might circle back to self-pity)? Probably a combination of the two.
I could not agree more that "when you're lacking joy in your life, the deficit certainly impacts your ability to give joy to others." It's along the same lines of you can't be happy with or truly love someone else unless you're happy with and love yourself first (and foremost). Like you, I'm assuming many of us (myself included) reading your article have not or do not entertain this. I had always found joy by doing things for others and making them happy, but in retrospect, I learned this was really just a characteristic of my co-dependency.
It's so important to take care of yourself mentally and physically and (as you've mentioned in previous posts) to nurture yourself. I've found that when I take the time to actually put myself first and do something I enjoy or that makes ME happy, I'm not only more prone to make healthy decisions, but I also have more to offer someone else.