I'm Tired of... Flying!

I'm tired of flying! I'm tired of arriving at the airport two to three hours ahead of my flight. I'm tired of long grueling security lines. I'm tired of walking through scanners barefoot and beltless. I'm tired of paying for baggage, soft drinks and food...I could go on and on... and actually, that's exactly what I'm going to do! I'm tired of flying. from beginning to end! What's next... coin operated airplane bathrooms?

I'm tired of making airline reservations.

First off, don't even think about trying to use mileage anymore, unless you make your reservations at least a year in advance. Wait, let me correct that statement. If you want to use double mileage ("Anytime Miles" as American Airlines endearingly calls them), then the airplane is your oyster. You can book yourself on any flight with open seats. The only problem is that there never are any open seats. And, what about upgrades? Do they still exist? Sure, if you want to pay a gazillion bucks for full fare coach!

I'm tired of researching airfares.

This part is like a magic show. I spend at least an hour online finding the cheapest fares, call my husband to see what he thinks, get back online to make the reservations 10 minutes later and poof, the great fare I found has vanished. How do they do that? Would someone please tell me how the trick is done? Do you think there's some wizard monitoring the website, who says "okay, she's about to go for that phony fare we set up to close her...quick... get rid of it!" And, God forbid, you have to call them. We've all met the auto attendant from hell, who, no matter what you do, will not let you get through to a ticket agent. How many of you have screamed at the auto attendant as if it was a real person? I envision that I'm really on a speaker phone and all the agents are laughing their heads off, listening to me curse out the auto attendant.

I'm tired of reserving seat assignments.

I love when I go to that lovely graphic of the inside of the airplane and every single seat is taken, except a few middle seats...if I'm lucky. Sometimes there are no seats at all. How does that work? You've now got your confirmed ticket, but there's no seat for you. And, what's up with the new "premium economy seating?" We get to pay extra for the privilege of sitting in an exit row? Seriously?! All it used to take was that you needed to be an able adult, who could open the door in an emergency. Now, they charge you for that and still want you to agree to work.

I'm tired of packing.

So now, I have my over-priced tickets and nowhere to sit, but it's time to pack. I've always been a large suitcase kind of girl because I just never know what I'm going to want to wear, so I might as well take everything, right? Those days are over! To avoid insane baggage charges and hassles with today's travel situation, my husband wants me to squeeze everything into a minuscule carry on, so we don't have to check luggage. What, is he kidding? My toiletries alone take up half my suitcase! Oh wait, if I'm doing the carry on thing, that's not an issue. Why? Because I now have to become a junior chemist and funnel everything liquid into tiny little bottles to get through security. What about my lotion?!

I'm tired of getting to the airport.

In the old days, if we had an 8:30 a.m. flight, we'd get there at 7:45 and breeze through the airport with time to spare...not anymore. Now, we have to leave our house before sunrise to get there by 6:30 to get hassled all kinds of ways for two hours before we get on the airplane. So, do we take a cab for $100, a shuttle with eight stops along the way or drive ourselves and park in one of the 25 different off site lots that are almost as far away as our house, because there's no way we're parking inside the airport to the tune of a million dollars a day.

I'm tired of airport check in.

The best case scenario would be that you remembered to print out your boarding pass at home and have only carry on luggage. Then it's right to security for you. Whoopee! If not, God help you because you have to check in at the ticket counter and go back and forth through a maze of a line, giving dirty looks and yelling "go ahead" to people who aren't paying attention and moving forward, frustrated that there are only three agents with 500 people in line. This is also the first of several times you will take out your driver's license...

I'm tired of security.

Next, you have to prove that you are, indeed, a passenger. So, now that you've put your driver's license away, you need it once again, plus your boarding pass, to get through the first of many TSA people on your journey to the friendly skies. Remember the good old days when if you were seeing someone off, you could nonchalantly walk all the way to the gate with them? Such innocent times...

Now, you've hit what I'll call the security labyrinth...the never ending winding line to the security scanners. Don't put that driver's license away. No wait...put the driver's license away, but hold onto your boarding pass. Or is it the other way around? Now strip! Take off your coat, take off your belt, take off your jewelry, take out your change, take off your shoes (yuck - who knows what's been on that floor?! They should install Purell dispensers!), take out your laptop, take out your camera, lay everything flat and don't even think about walking through the machine until you're waved through. And, why does the guy in front of you need five tubs when all he has is a coat, briefcase and shoes? I don't even have to broach the subject of what happens if you don't make it through...oh no!...pulled aside...an innocent victim to be humiliated and told to stand spread eagle while they...dare I say it... "wand" you or hit you with the full body scanner. Then, once you finally make it through, there is nowhere to sit to put your shoes back on and put everything back together. Of course, I realize that all of this is done for our own protection, but that doesn't mean that you should be made to feel like a prisoner at Guantanamo Bay.

I'm tired of waiting for my flight.

Then (big sigh of relief), you come out of the dark side into the light and life is good once again... or is it? You've gotten through all this massive hassle. Now, you now have to wait forever for your flight. Aaargh! What to do? What to do? You could go to the seedy bar and drown your sorrows but remember, it's only 7:00 in the morning. Bloody Mary anyone? You could go wait at the long line at Starbucks, which will take up at least a half an hour while you wait in line again, only to pay $100 for a cup of coffee and a scone. Or, you could do what most of us wind up doing, which is sitting...and sitting...and sitting, waiting for a plane that will probably be late...or worse yet...canceled.

Wow, I'm glad I got that off my chest. I feel much better now. What a stressful way to start a vacation or business trip. Stay tuned for the sequel where we'll get into the actual circus known as the flight itself and the aftermath. In the meantime, I'd love to hear your flying horror stories. Please share. Sometimes, complaining about what you're tired of can be quite cathartic. I think I'm going to love this gig!

Carrie Pollare is the co-founder of the "I'm Tired of..." campaign, which was created to fight against the world's issues that we are all tired of, like animal cruelty, discrimination, world hunger, global warming, cancer, diabetes and so many more. I'm Tired of... raises money for many charities via fashionable eco friendly bracelets, made from recycled tires and metals, (creating a fun play on the word, tired), which cost just $10, so anyone can afford them. www.ImTiredOnline.com

Comments

[ang ellie]

i agree, trains are the way to go. airports drive me crazy! especially with all the increased security measures, what a hassle!

[Minimax]

I love trains. Flying is for the birds.