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Catherine Oliver

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I Was Promised a Pony!

Posted: 04/19/2012 11:02 am

This blog is dedicated to trans*, bigender, and gender-variant youth.

I always knew I wasn't like others. I didn't want a boyfriend, and I wore clothes that the other girls called "boy's clothes," all the time. I played in the mud, ran after soccer balls, and climbed trees. "Tomboy," they said. I knew I liked girls, and I swore that if I did enough wishing, I'd wake up and just be a boy already. I knew I preferred boy's clothes, and I kissed my first girl that summer. Why did I always wake up wishing I had a different body? Why didn't I like what I saw in the mirror?

Luckily for me, I soon got my answer. My school had a group of amazing people come speak to us about gender and sexuality. They told us about things like being genderqueer (I almost fell out of my chair... they were talking about me!) and transgender, and that it was OK to be these things, that it was OK to feel confused, and that no matter what, we were still loved and accepted. It was the best I'd felt in years.

I still dress in masculine clothes. However, sometimes I feel like putting on a dress, and I do. The best part about gender fluidity is that there is no right or wrong. There is a lack of labels, and you aren't pressured to be anything but yourself. I'm not saying it's right for everyone, but for some of us, it's perfect. For me, it's perfect. Never doubt that you will find your way, even if you decide that transition, alternative gender expression, etc. isn't what suits you.

Someday you are going to fall in love. Hopefully, the person you love will accept you regardless of how you identify. Never settle for anything less. I am lucky: the person I love respects me, bigender/genderqueer and all. She doesn't mind if I wear my boxers or bind my breasts, or if I go by a different name or different pronouns. She doesn't mind at all if the next day I'm in a dress and heels (although she has been known to laugh at my sad attempts to walk in them).

Being transgender, bigender, genderqueer, or however you identify is amazing, and you should never be ashamed of how you identify. I am blessed to be who I am today, and I promise you that there are other people out there just like you who are happy, successful, and looking forward to meeting you! Never give up hope, and never stop wishing.

Speaking of wishes, I'm still waiting on that pony and the monster truck...

Now go out there and change something. You have the power to do amazing things, just the way you are.

 

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