Hating The War, Honoring The Warriors

Memorial Day this year, for me, was as conflicted as the weather on the outskirts of Chicago. Sunny and bright one hour; overcast and threatening the next.

In the last six weeks, I lost a dear friend to a roadside bomb in Iraq; my little brother became a major in the Air Force and received his orders to deploy, for a second time, to fight in Afghanistan; and, most recently, my husband's eldest son became a captain in the Army, graduated from medical school, and, in a few days, will report for duty serving his country as a doctor.

As a nation, we've been at war in Iraq and Afghanistan for more than five years. By my count, as of this morning, the war -- a war I oppose and mourn intensely -- has been going on for 1,893 days.

A swell of emotions caught me off guard last week as I sat in the chapel at the Chicago College of Osteopathic Medicine, and watched my husband's beautiful daughter-in-law affix captain's pins to his first-born-son's green Army uniform, as his own father, a World War II veteran, looked on from a wheelchair in the front row.

I am so profoundly, unequivocally proud of and grateful for my husband's son, Dan. He is determined and courageous, kind and brave, sensitive and strong. But most of all, I am awed by the quality of his heart -- a tender servant's heart.

As I watched Dan set his jaw, salute and then turn to smile at his family, I couldn't hold back the tears. Pride was there, yes, and love, but also fear and, with it, a certain resentment. I knew, truly and viscerally down deep in my bones, perhaps for the first time, that we are living in a time of war. And that war changes everything.

I can remember where I was sitting when I first heard the news on March 19, 2003, of U.S. air strikes in Iraq. And I recall vividly the sheer panic that followed about my brother, Mark, an A-10 pilot, and what war might mean for him. Blessedly, after a lengthy tour of duty in Afghanistan several years ago, my brother returned home safely.

Now, five years later, Mark's heading back. And the pain, fear and pride I feel for him are even more intense.

On Monday, as I sorted through family photos from Dan's graduation and a backyard family picnic Sunday afternoon, I turned on the TV and found the new film "Recount" on HBO.

"Recount," is the story of the protracted, rollercoaster Florida recount in the weeks following the 2000 presidential election between Al Gore and George W. Bush. We all know the story -- or at least a version of the story that best fits our political predilections -- and at first the TV movie was just background noise while I cropped and color-corrected photos of my husband's children and his 5-month-old grandson giggling in a blue-white-and-red Cubs onesie.

My attention shifted to the television not long into the film, when Florida Secretary of State Katherine Harris (played mercilessly by Laura Dern) -- with her unfortunate makeup, and questionable ethics -- turned up on screen trying, rather inelegantly, to "bring in the election" for then-Gov. Bush.

The film unfolds as one might expect -- there are clearly good guys and bad guys, and the bad guys win. It's a familiar story arc and one with which I am perfectly comfortable.

But once again the waterworks started, and I had a hard time turning them off. That same sense of pride mixed with something close to rage at the seeming senselessness of it all.

Would it have been different had Gore been the 43rd president of the United States instead of Bush? Would we be on year five of an wildly unpopular war? Would we have gone to war in the first place?

I'd like to think that my opposition to the war, which comes from deeply held spiritual beliefs, would be the same no matter whose war it was. But I am certain that my feelings toward the men and women who risk their lives on our behalf would remain unchanged.

Simply put, I am in awe of our men and women in the Armed Forces. Their choice to serve and put themselves in harm's way in a culture that doesn't really value such selflessness, despite claims to the opposite, humbles me.

No matter how you feel about this or any war (or this or any administration) you would have to be heartless not to honor that kind of service, that level of selflessness.

So we pray for their protection -- to bring them home safely and soon -- for strength to bear their absence and for an end to this and all war. And we give thanks for their servant hearts.

May we may learn from their example and never forget.

Cathleen Falsani is the award-winning religion columnist for the
Chicago Sun-Times and author of the critically acclaimed book, The God
Factor: Inside the Spiritual Lives of Public People. She is also
author of the memoir Sin Boldly: A Field Guide for Grace, which will
be released in August, and of the forthcoming The Dude Abides: The
Gospel According to the Coen Brothers, due in stores April 2009.

Comments

[cylindar]

A soldier likes the praise when they can get it. But a soldier does not usually expect it. Praise is not why a soldier is a soldier. There are many reasons people become soldiers. Most soldiers I have known do not really know what motivates them to what most would consider courage. The soldier will tell that it is not courage but just the sense of I gotta do this whether I like it or not. I have to do it as it is my duty and karma with the social contract I have made. Soldiers don't really feel good about this sometimes. They know when the fight isn't right and indeed see themselves as the bad guys sometimes. They don't bullshit themselves or others usually. Thats some of the facts. Memorial Day is all in all a good observance.

[bbbear]

The more I read such Mindless religious based drivel about the honor of those who knowingly engage in Crimes against humanity, the more I mourn for our lost country. Articles such as this are little more than enablers of the monsterous neo con torture machine which has effectively suspended the Bill of Rights, seriously damaged the Consitition, and turned the USA into a rogue military nation.

Maybe the corporate media propaganda is working and many US soldiers believe occupying Iraq is some sort of noble adventure. However, I suspect most are merely romantically idealizing themselves. Other's haven't given it much thought, and are just looking for a way to make a living. Frankly, I have more respect for the pro who does her/his job simply to protect one another, and because it's their damned jobs.. But I have even more respect for those few who refuse to engage in Iraq because it's an illegal order.

That said, I'm one of those old pros ( 24 yrs in USAF ) who did my time in Vietnam. Even then, I knew the only heros where those draftee's who refused to participate. However, at that time, I felt those, such as myself, who volunteered, must fulfill their obligation. Yet, as the filthy, Iraqi war profiteering drags on, I feel any truly honorable person would go to jail rather than to Iraq.

[KillTheMessenger]

Mrs. Falsani, there is no need to defend your emotions. The fog of war does not suddenly stop at the edge of the battle field. It deeply infiltrates the minds of the those who have loved ones and friends at stake and those who are responsible for the war by actions or even just by tolerating it.

The result is cultural schizophrenia. We do not want to split ourselves into two or more personae, one that hates the war, another that loves the warrior. But we do it anyway. It is a deeply human way to survive the guilt that comes with the knowledge of what horrible things we have done and continue to do.

Some of us, maybe after years or decades of hard work will do the one and only right thing: admit out guilt and apologize to the victims. We will go to where the dead are resting and we will pray for their forgiveness. Every nation of honor which in the past has engaged in war had to do this one way or another. Only when the proud learn to bend their knees and weep with the victims can there be lasting peace of mind.

But it is a long way from here to there. Maybe you will be among those who will be taking the first steps towards forgiveness soon. I hope when that happens you will write another column. I would love to read it.

[iRob08]

Something Bush said during the Memorial Day celebration really bothers me, and I hope I'm not being too hypersensitive. He basically said that America is the last best hope for mankind:

"I am humbled by those who have made the ultimate sacrifice that allow a free civilization to endure and flourish," Bush said. "It only remains for us, the heirs of their legacy, to have the courage and the character to follow their lead and to preserve America as the greatest nation on Earth and the last, best hope for mankind."

Is he saying that mankind depends not on diplomacy, not on peace talks, not on negotiations, not on respect for humanity, but on military action? It has long been established that Iraq was not a military threat and all the killing and maiming is unnecessary. This occupation of Iraq is illegal, immoral, and unethical. It's a war crime and mankind will not benefit from our actions; mankind will only suffer more war.

iRob '08

[alkamm]

I oscillate between respecting the soldiers and wishing they would all take a precipitate leave and go to college. The military culture has such a great effect on many poor, miserably abused lower class kids that I admire it, but the emphasis on obeying orders and the heirarchy that breeds yes men and promotes them to levels of incompetence doesn't exactly inspire confidence on the military's overall effect on the country.

The way our worst corporate cultures ape the military is telling. Those in charge seldom listen to those beneath them, and they take credit for the work of their underlings and exploit them economically.

What's amazing is that our civilian government has failed us as a regulatory body against the military and has actually unleashed them iforwhat looks like perpetuity. What a perfect storm. I think of Truman who allowed the military geniuses of this country to bomb civilian populations with the A bomb, but who then took back their control over the bomb.

Obama should rein in the gung ho fever Bush and his cronies started, and bring the military and the national guard back home for retraining and better lessons in democracy.