What Would Jesus Drink?

A rabbi, a priest and a minister walk into a bar.

The bartender looks at them and says, "What is this, a joke?"

In one Pennsylvania bar, it's no laughing matter.

On the last Friday of every month, teams of chaplains -- one male and one female -- will set up camp in the Market Cross Pub in Carlisle, Penn., for a few hours to lend a sympathetic, non-judgmental ear to patrons looking for someone to listen to their tales of woe.

"We're not going to strong-arm anybody," Chuck Kish, the Assemblies of God pastor who started the bar chaplaincy program told the (Carlisle, Penn.) Sentinel newspaper, adding that the bar chaplains aren't there to proselytize or stop anyone from drinking. "We give more pastoral care, listening to what you have to say."

Even if you're slurring your words and don't remember it the next morning.

There is little consensus across religious traditions about whether alcohol consumption is morally right or wrong, beyond the near universal condemnation of drunkenness.

In Islam, for instance, the Quran forbids the consumption of any intoxicant, even in small amounts. But, as I understand it, the Prophet Muhammad came to that conclusion over time. First, he forbade Muslims to drink before prayer; then, he said that alcohol has both good and evil qualities but that evil usually outweighs the good. Eventually, he determined alcohol was "Satan's handiwork," designed to lead the faithful away from God.

Buddhism is even more straightforward. The fifth of the mandatory Five Precepts, governing the ethical behavior of all Buddhists, says: "I undertake to abstain from intoxicating drink."

In the Jewish tradition, wine is a symbol of the blessing of God's creation and is used to mark many significant spiritual occasions, including weddings, circumcisions and the Passover Seder. It even has its own blessing, the Hagafen.

Hebrew scripture includes stories extolling wine as a harbinger of joy, as well as cautionary tales of how too much wine has brought low the mighty, including Noah, whose grown sons saw him naked -- a big no no -- when Noah was drunk, and Lot, who got drunk and had sex with his daughters.

And Christianity, the predominant theological voice in our culture, is even more ambivalent about whether to drink or not. Gospel accounts say Jesus' first public miracle was at a wedding in Cana where he turned jugs of water into fine wine -- think Chateau Margaux, not Two-Buck Chuck -- for wedding revelers who were already three sheets to the wind.

For the first 1,800 or so years of Christendom, alcohol -- or wine, at least -- was common in the faith. Wine was used during the sacrament of communion, and wine and beer were part of quotidian existence. (I read somewhere John Calvin -- the great Protestant Reformation theologian -- received part of his annual salary in seven barrels of wine.)

But in the 19th century, in response to a growing awareness of the scourge of alcoholism, temperance (abstaining from alcohol as a spiritual practice) and eventually prohibitionism (outlawing the consumption of alcohol altogether as inherently sinful) became part of the Christian cultural norm.

Christian attitudes today toward alcohol include a whole spectrum from moderationism to prohibitionism, with the prevailing condemnation of inebriation as sinful and destructive.

Perhaps one of the questions bar chaplains will help patrons answer is What Would Jesus Drink?

Fifteen shots of Jager? Probably not.

Wine with dinner? Sure.

One of my favorite bartenders is Bouchaib "Bouch" Kribech, from the Billy Goat Tavern & Grill, the unofficial watering hole of Chicago's media off of lower Michigan Ave. I've known Bouch for years and he is unfailingly kind and caring, whether I'm drunk as a lord or sober as a judge.

Bouch is an observant Muslim. He might pour the drinks, but he doesn't partake himself. When I told him about the bar chaplain idea, he chuckled and then grew uncharacteristically serious.

"I cannot speak for Muslims, but I can speak for myself," he said. "This is the toughest question . . . . When I tend bar, people will talk to me, and they share. I share my problems with them, and they start to share theirs.

"Sometimes, when people drink, they feel more comfortable," Bouch said. "But me, I can talk about my problems with just a glass of water."

Comments

[writerforhire]

I think Jesus would drink wine. Top shelf and let the grumblers go home angry because they were afraid of what their neighbors would say if they saw them drinking a glass of wine. Jesus was big on controversay. So, in moderation, have a glass or two, of top shelf fine red wine (or white)and maintain a soberity when it is time to go home.

[curiousasheck]

Light

[drblack]

Intoxicants, have played a big part in all religions.
Jesus, like most of his day drank water mixed with wine.
The bible doesn't condemn any drug except strong drink.
marijuana and opium were known at the time and were not forbidden.

[darker]

Jesus drinks Cosmopolitans.
didn't you know?

[lungfish]

seems to be a theme here between Isiah Washington's blog and this discussion... I am positive that alchohol and certain plants and mushrooms were originally taken in a religious context. As they became widespread and the religious settings themselves changed, they became abused.
Graham Hancock has a book out called "Supernatural" that explores these issues in a very interesting manner though its a little ponderous at times and speculative as well.
I am certain that wine, cannabis and psilocyben or DMT bearing plants like Syrian Rue were available in his day. As were trance dancing and the practice of austerity like his 40days in the desert that brought him the visions that are so famous.
These are age old shamanic practices and lie at the root of spiritual experience. Transpersonal psychology is focused on engaging these matters and many proponents from Stanislav Groff, Terrance McKenna, Aldous Huxley to Andraje Puharich and others have been or are exploring them...
Again, read Hancock's boot. It is quite stimulating as he explores the roots of ancient rock art and its relationship to shamanic practices.

[lungfish]

"I am certain that wine, cannabis and psilocyben or DMT bearing plants like Syrian Rue were available in CHRIST's day. As were trance dancing and the practice of austerity like his 40days in the desert that brought him the visions that are so famous."

wish they had an edit feature for postings....

[Nevervotesrepublican]

I'm sure it wouldn't be the Republican Kool-Aid.

[research]

Children around the world spin till they are so dizzy they fall down, for fun.

The first building was brewery.

Intoxication probably created civilization by created an alternate perspective. How many prophets starved themselves to have vision, or were epileptic, Or were out in the desert for days, or climbed a high mountain, or were near death?

[RedStateCenterLeft]

Given the Cana situation, I always figured my Lord and Savior as a real party animal.

When I was little, my mom told me heaven had the biggest ice cream I'd ever see. Now, as a near 50-year old, I see Heaven as a great party, sort of a Playboy Mansion type thing (without the grotto stuff) where everything will be first-rate.

So, I can see Jesus hanging out with all of us who believe and having something sophisticated and in good taste. The food will be fantastic too, since it'll be the poor who'll line up first and get their well-deserved fill. The rest of us will be patient and kind to those who had little, just we were on Earth.

The music will be great too. If I went today, I can imagine the country fans will enjoy new arrival Porter Wagoner in duds more dazzling than those he ever wore at the Grand Old Opry.

But back to drink. I can't imagine the brand, but it'll something fine I believe.

[SamThornton]

I'm looking for a religion that serves single-malt scotch at services. So far, no gurgle.

[abbiehoffmansghost]

I'm sure that Jesus would drink a Frappe made with Sheer Bliss Meditteranean coffee ice cream, half and half, Coffeetime syrup, and Carnation malt. Mmmmmmm. Heavenly.

[ElimGarak]

Bah! I will take Flying Spaghetti Monster any day. The FSM heaven has a beer vulcano and a stripper factory. Plus the priests are pirates - so you are virtually required to drink regularly.

[NWReader]

After a day fishing (for men) with his buddies, Jesus would drink what everybody else does: a nice cold microbrew!

[magen]

Uhm, Lot's daughters got HIM drunk and had sex with him (not the other way around, THEY were sober) because after they saw the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah, they thought that they were the last people left on Earth and if they didn't do this, mankind wouldn't continue.
Since Yeshua was an observant middle-eastern Jew (not a
evangelical christian, right-wingnut, republiCON from a red state) we already know he drank wine.

[NeverRepublican]

A liquid of some sort

[MartinEden]

A dry martini, shaken not stirred...