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Catie Lazarus Headshot

Letterman Should Call Himself Letterperson from Now On

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Dear Sarah,

OMG! Even his last name sounds sexist- LetterMAN. Really? No apology is complete without change! He should call himself David Letterperson! Then he'll entice more viewers, like lady flight attendants, teens- aged 14 or 18, specifically, anyone old enough to buy a Caribou Barbie.

You saved us from the real enemy, self-professed buffoons who are paid to say nonsense.

Nice highlights, BTW.

I'm grateful that you haven't geeked out, like most government officials, who are all cooped up in meetings with constituents, lobbying, and wearing elitist lady politicians sneakers to work.

Only you could get the news pundits and reporters to quit yapping about the economic recession, Iranian elections, and that brutal murder of that Dr. Tiller. Is it true abortion doctors go door to door into women's homes, like Jehovah's Witnesses, Latter Day Saints, and Mary Kay reps? Pro-Choice is a cult! They claim they're pro-family, pro-child, pro-lady, but anti forcing women (and girls) to bear babies they can't provide for economically or emotionally.

Speaking of babies having babies, how are Trig, Rig, Big Dig (Sorry I can't remember all their names, I can hardly keep up with the list of detainees!) Your teen daughter is a good girl though, a stay at home mommy putting her baby FIRST. Glad you finally grounded her baby's daddy, Levi. Bristol could look after your son too, now that college is second fiddle. Maybe one day she'll run for office too. Her campaign can be, "Take Trig Not Trigonometry!"

With you traveling and acting on all these TV reality shows, like with Glenn Beck and Lou Dobbs, do your kids miss their stay-at-home mommy? Are your kids partying without supervision, like in their Facebook photos. Or are they at home with a nanny? Hope she's legal! I'm NOT judgy judgy, I just know how you are with this women and immigrants rights' crap!

How creepy is it that NOW is jumping on your bandwagon? Trying to be friends with the alpha popular princess by sweeping their bread and butter issues, like abortion, pay parity, and stem cell research under the rug!

NOW's fundraiser party is tonight. I wonder if those nerdy liberal loyalists will even show. You going? You didn't RSVP on Facebook so I'm guessing you're still on that Presidential Campaign Trail to Nowhere... Whatevs, at least your trips are on Alaska's dime, not yours. 


Air Kisses,

A Ladygirl voter