I'm Going to Help Out the President

I'm going to help George Bush out. I have a ridiculously easy way for him to gain some goodwill back with the American people. Pull a classic Bush flip-flop on the environment.

Bush has flip-flopped on steel tariffs, the 9/11 Commission, and the Department of Homeland Security. He was against all these things before he was for them. So, why not on the environment?

Just say it ... I believe in global warming.

You have absolutely nothing to lose. GE and Duke Energy just announced they want the government to act in the fight against global warming. That means even a good chunk of the energy companies are on board. 85% of the country and nearly 100% of the scientists believe in global warming. The only ones who still don't are the oil companies. Even they're not stupid enough to believe that, they're just pretending to believe it for the money.

But they've already gotten their payoff. That's what the $14 billion giveaway -- I'm sorry, subsidy -- in the energy bill last year was for. Even they couldn't possibly complain if you switched on global warming now.

The next president is likely to be sane (God, I hope so). And any sane president is going to switch policy in two and a half years anyway. So, the oil companies know they can't ignore this problem forever. Besides, did I mention the $14 billion dollars the oil companies already stole from us? Stealers can't be choosers.

What do you have to lose? Nothing! Come on, are you really this stubbornly stupid?

If you flip-flop now, you can pretend you were always for it and you were the president who tackled global warming. You could be the first president brave enough to start an expansive program to counter the biggest threat to our environment! George Bush, the hero! If you like, you could even wear a flight suit.

You would steal a Democratic issue right out from underneath them. You don't have to raise money from the oil companies anymore and they couldn't possibly steal or make any more money off our backs.

By the way, can you tell that I'm pretty angry about the $14 billion subsidy the energy industry got in the middle of their record breaking profits? There was an article in Fortune that said that Exxon-Mobil literally didn't know where to put their money and we gave that company an extra $1 billion subsidy. It's criminal.

Also, if the tobacco companies can be sued for polluting one person at a time when they knew their product was dangerous, why can't the energy companies get sued for polluting all of us at the same time when they know their product is dangerous to all of us?

You think the oil companies don't have research that shows global warming is true? Of course, they do. And they're purposely hiding it just like the tobacco companies did with their research on cancer. There is going to be a hefty price to pay for this one day.

Anyway, back to Bush. This is an easy win for you, big boy. Go clear some brush on your ranch, tell us how much you love the outdoors and that is why you would like to clarify your stance on global warming and launch a massive effort to combat it.

You see, I'm not against Bush just to be against him. If I was interested only in the politics, this is the last thing I would want Bush to do because his stance on the environment gives Democrats an easy tool to bludgeon him with. But I don't give a damn about Democratic strategic interests. I care about the country. I care that we get on the right track.

If Nixon goes to China, it doesn't make him a good guy. But it helps the country. If Bush addresses global warming, it doesn't make his preemptive strikes any more rational. He would still be the worst president ever. But we can always say, "Well, at least he was sensible enough to change direction on global warming. And funny enough, he set us on the right track."

Now, if the people in the White House had any sense this would be a political no-brainer. Let's see if there is a shred of reason left in them. Or if they're just crazy for the sake of being crazy.

The Young Turks