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Charla Krupp

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Shopping for My Mom: How Fashion Fails Real Women

Posted: 03/14/2011 11:11 am

In the 80s and 90s, there was a shop at Lexington Avenue and 66th Street called The Forgotten Woman. It was part of a national chain of about 30 stores dedicated to the larger-sized woman, with an impressive collection of evening wear. When the store went out of business in 1999, the New York Times obituary noted that, "while the retailer was highly successful in New York City, it was ill equipped to handle the added business after expansions into markets like Houston, Chicago and Beverly Hills."

The chain was ahead of its time. Today, when the average American woman is size 14 and the average bra size has expanded to 38 DD, it's harder than ever to find a national bricks-and-mortar retailer offering stylish, affordable evening wear for larger women. True, you can find designer larger sizes online from Bloomingdale's, Saks Fifth Avenue, Nordstrom's and Lord & Taylor. And thanks to QVC and HSN, you can find dresses up to 3X on TV. But sometimes you want the immediate gratification of walking into a store, having a sales associate help you, and going home with a bag in hand that day.

While there are specialty retailers that serve up affordable casual clothes for size 14s and above -- Chico's, J. Jill, Coldwater Creek -- when it comes to evening wear, the average American woman is the Forgotten Woman. Forgotten not only at retail, but also in magazines, newspapers, TV commercials and fashion runways.

Because American teens are getting bigger, too, you're more likely to find a 16 on the junior floor than the designer floor, but the style (frilly, pouffy, short, sleeveless, tie-dyed!) would look ridiculous on a woman of a certain age. Which means that if you're over 40 and bigger than size 14, you're doubly doomed.

Isn't it crazy to make it so hard to shop? Especially for women who, unlike their teen daughters, don't have to ask anyone's permission to buy anything they want?

I myself am not a large size, but I have a mother who is. She needed a dressy dress for a family party, and struck out on Chicago's North Shore. So she asked her fashion maven daughter to find her something special from New York. Of course! New York is the fashion capital of America. If you can't find it here, you can't find it anywhere.

I had just a few hours to devote to this project, but I thought it would be easy. Ha! Looking through my favorite designer racks in stylish New York department stores -- Tory Burch, Michael Kors, Diane Von Furstenberg, Donna Karan, Ralph Lauren, Escada -- I found no size 16s. St. John, Armani and Chanel had only a few out-of-season suits. I went through the evening dress sections too, looking at designers like Tadashi Shoji, known for dressing celebrities such as Queen Latifah and Mo'Nique for the red carpet-- again, nothing above 14 in-store, just online. I really didn't want to go to the plus-size section, but did -- only to find separates.

At this point, any other shopper would have given up in frustration, but this was a mission for my mother and I didn't want to disappoint her. I headed to the personal shopping department; surely they were stashing all the fabulous size 16's somewhere in a special closet for favored customers. The personal shopper, sympathetic to my cause (she must deal with it daily!), shared with me that size 16s are in such high demand that they are always the first to sell out. Chic women of size know that if they don't get their shopping done early in the season, it's slim pickings. News to me; I always thought 00's were the first to go.

So what, I asked, was my mother to do? Make do, she said. But a sparkly new top, throw on a black skirt or pants, and hope that no one notices you. But this was a big event for my mom, and she wanted to stand out, not blend into the furniture.

Reluctantly, I headed back to the plus-size section and purchased a metallic silver jacket. My mom loved it, and wore it over a sleeveless silk black sheath in her closet that has saved her from many fashion emergencies. Crisis averted, but only because she wound up doing what the personal shopper suggested: she made do.

For me, this shopping experience was a game-changer. In my book How to Never Look Fat Again, I maintain that any woman can look her absolute best, no matter what her size, so long as she knows which clothes will make her look fat and which will flatter her body. But if you can't find cool clothes in your size, what are you supposed to do? Start sewing? You won't hear me criticizing my mother ever again for not dressing as well as her daughter. And to every fashionista who has ever made a catty comment about how badly big women dress, I say: go out one day and try shopping for a fabulous look in size 16!

When the hottest designers don't cut clothes in a size 14, they're saying they don't want to see the average American woman walking around in their clothes. Ouch! That hurts. When department store buyers don't make room for size 16 on the selling floor, that hurts, too. And fashion is supposed to make women feel good about themselves, right?

Empowerment issues aside, excluding the average woman is bad business. It's only a matter of time before some smart retailer insists that big-name designers wake up and smell the dollars. A designer once told me that she didn't make larger sizes because the extra fabric ups the cost of the garment. Fine; go ahead and charge more. Women are desperate to look good. They'll pay. I would have. And my mom would have loved it.

Charla Krupp is the author of the bestseller How to Never Look Fat Again, just out in paperback.

For more from Charla Krupp, visit charlakrupp.com.

 
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05:29 PM on 04/13/2011
It can be really annoying when people insinuate that real women are all large. The title of this article does that. So I'm not "real" because I am a size 8?
03:39 PM on 04/03/2011
Oh, Charla....for shame. Get out of your NYC white girl myopia. There are PLENTY of African-American women, some just "thicker" than the average white women, some overweight, who've figured out the style dilemma and look great in spite of what many of you consider an unhealthy weight or size. I think for many black folks overweight starts about sz. 20 depending on height. There is far more leeway to get to fat. Y'all can spare me the arguments about obesity - blah blah I share them when someone is grossly overweight. Size 16-18, my current size isn't, well at least at my height of almost six feet. Save your concern for the many anorexic looking white women I see at the gym doing hours of cardio despite their scary skinny physiques.
That said....Charla...there are plenty of options. However, if you are interested in fashionable options you have to do some searching. If you are looking for simple, stylish, well-made clothing it's truly an effort. I don't even know how some of the women I see dressed fabulously do it because I have to go from online to damn near every retailer that exists to find thing that aren't bedazzled, floral or otherwise matronly. I could be a millionaire if I could create a full-size line for the many women like me looking to be sexy, stylish and good at a full-size.
06:22 PM on 03/22/2011
try finding clothes for women 50+ generally - it's amazing how little choice there is with the age wave! We need more Advanced Style darnit!

www.omhu.com
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slvrfox857
questionevrthing.blogspot.com
01:31 PM on 03/21/2011
It's a fact that shorter women are more likely to have problems with weight. But yet every retailer who sells to full figured women, as grateful as I am that they are there, seems to believe we are all 6 feet tall. That even includes the ones that say they are "WP," or women's petite.
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canchita
11:44 AM on 03/22/2011
Half the women in NYC look like x-ray models. The other half take up two seats on the subway. The third half is almost invisible.
01:05 PM on 03/21/2011
Welcome to my world Ladies. I find it hilarious that many of you are indignant about not being able to find stylish size 16s.

Fat haters save your breath I AM Healthy , but a size 16 is actually my goal these days, I haven't been that since I was sweet sixteen; so you can imagine the challenge we certifiably PLUS SIZED ladies have with finding style and good fit. But seek and Yee shall find. Ladies there are up and coming plus size retailers and small online businesses who are eager for you business. Give them a chance and seriously think about investing your faith and dollars in those who are trying to honestly serve you.

Those of you who are truly confident and fashion savvy know that labels and brand names do not necessarily make for style. Also many such online boutiques don't require that you spend for an outfit an amount equal to your mortgage payment. For your next special occasion try igigi.com for classic pretty formals and cocktail dresses or for more bohemian style: Peggy lutz who also does custom work, they would love to have your business.
Tara Hunkoff
I could have been Sheila Noyeau
09:40 PM on 03/20/2011
At 5' 10" and 158 and a certain age, I have long since despaired of finding designer wear. I found a small shop years ago that recommended a great seamstress. She makes my clothes, and the shop sells me accessories. Everyone is happy now, including my 6' 1" granddaughter.
10:44 AM on 03/18/2011
Many American women might beg to differ that the retail prices at J Jill and Chico's are affordable, priced at a level to allow a woman to afford a wardrobe.

But yes I too am trying to go back to sewing to create clothing which is attractive on my increasingly middle-aged (though not large) body.
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01:55 AM on 03/18/2011
I grew up in a household of seamstresses who copied couture in '50's and 60's when couture didn't mean lets look like an anorexic hooker for 5 figures and upwards. All the better stores offered alterations as a matter of course. And women were far more attuned to the pragmaitic reality of fashion . Not just a lifetime in jeans, which alas I 've succumbed to rather than put up with the constant struggle to find clothes that fit no one over 25, under 5 foot 5 and are so shoddily made.
What other industry is built on theseasonally designated fantasy , not the every-day reality of it's consumer's needs?
How is it that i have spend decades in search of a pair black pants and a black turtleneck that fits and is the quality I expect.
The most perfectly fitting pants I have ever seen were on Jacqueline Kennedy as she walked down Lex on her way home from work one day. It was a double whammy seeing in front of me the worlds most iconic woman wearing the most simple, luxurious and perfectly fitting clothes ever. Cocoa cashnere brown pants, a long silk knit matching tunic and long ropes of pearls. And of course an elegant unobtrusive shoulder bag and plain low heels.
This is what I am getting at. Knowing fashion and how your own body needs to wear it plain, perfect and right.
06:55 PM on 03/17/2011
In the old days....ha ha ha....sixties and seventies...Gucci, Celine and Hermes were for older and larger women. I remember buying my Mother in Law (size 16) the most amazing quality skirts and knitwear in Celine. The Gucci blazer was a must for any self respecting "sloaney mum" in London. The quality was superb. Celine was the last one to throw in the towel and dumb down to dressing wannabe teenagers. Such a shame.
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Liz Patrick
01:53 PM on 03/17/2011
This is not just a larger women issue. Aside from being just left of short, I'm super model size and I have the worst time shopping also. After having worked in retail, I now know that if you're on either side of average you have to get to the stores as soon as seasons change or you're going to be SOL.
10:38 PM on 03/16/2011
The title reads "Real Women" but it would be more appropriate to say "Large Women." The small boned woman is as real as the larger lady. It's fair to say that fashion at the retail level caters to the largest pool of dollars available, which is teens and pre-childbearing women, who tend to be on the slimmer side of the scale. Larger older women who need to buy a dress every 5 years...think about it. What kind of retail store could pay rent serving that kind of customer, especially in a suburban metro market? Fashion doesn't fail larger women, it's a function of supply and demand. Capitalism dictates that large ladies make do with the smaller selection at The Dress Barn. Unless you can afford to pay for St Johns or Escada.
09:56 PM on 03/16/2011
I'm 65, overweight (155 and 5'5") and barely fit in my size 10's. If you are 5'6" and a 14, you've got to be, what, 175? There is no way that a designer can design a dress that looks smart on a size 6, and equally well on a size 16. Impossible.

Now, I keep thinking of Katherine Hepburn: she wore a uniform every day of her life. Black trousers and black turtlenecks. I wear a lot of black--looks good on me--and I try to find certain shapes by designers like Eileen Fisher or Lafayette or even St. John that flatter my figure--and keep buying similar things. I have to look good every day at work--and if you spend money on a few quality pieces, then buy some jewelry, you'll look great. Forget "fashion." You must have noticed that half of the size 0's are wearing black, too.
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lrobb
Gold Standard = four paws and a tail
05:36 PM on 03/16/2011
The blindness of fashion buyers to the needs of "women of a certain age" does not just affect sizes 16 and up. Try being over 60 and a Hobbit (size 2/4 petite) in a small Southern city.

My choices are either the Junior's department--where I wind up looking like I am trying to recapture a seriously misspent youth--or the local fabric store. Saved by Vogue patterns!

There is no such thing as instant gratification if you are any size but Misses 8-14.
11:09 AM on 03/16/2011
Yes, I've tried E. Fisher. I'll try Talbots now.
08:51 AM on 03/16/2011
Scowling and tsk-tsking women for their weight aside; ( I mean c'mon, no one can drop 35 lbs for an event two weeks from now.) the industry isn't doing much for women of *any* size. At 5'11 and 150 lbs, I have a hard time finding clothes. Short inseams, silly frilly designs ( end up looking like a piece of awkward living room furniture) and flowing "bohemian" tops that look good on the .01% of the population that is not already a model are just a few of the fashion crimes that are being perpetrated on the lot of us. It's as if no one ever took a physiology class.
Case in point: Ordered a very cute spring dress offline.. to my horror, the size i ordered fit, albeit with more volume, not proportional at all. A size bigger does not just mean "around".
Also, when i was heavier, i could have done without the sneering. "Who are you shopping for?" Myself. " Oh, i don't think we carry anything that fits *you*." Keep in mind the pants i was wearing at the time were purchased at the very store i was at the time.