Palin's Wardrobe Malfunction

11/23/2008 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Universe please don't strike me down, but here, I'm going to say it: Leave Sarah Palin alone. Oh dear God, just the thought is absurd. But I mean it. So she spent a couple hundred thousand dollars of the Republican National Committee's money out of millions raised on clothing. This is show business, people, in case you haven't noticed. And all these indignant supporters saying they want their money back... give me a break. Palin spent chump change on her clothes, hell, Cindy McCain's outfit for the nomination was around $300K, that's just one, not an entire wardrobe, so at least you all got a bargain.

The fact is Palin was a little frumpy, a little too MILF for politics, so she had to become a bit more polished. And why not? This woman has met with heads of state, (unfortunately for us and them), and since she is if she's going to sound like a moron at least she can look good.

And yes, she took her kids with her on trips as governor. Again, she spent a fraction of any regular budget and in this case, she was damned if she did and damned if she didn't. If she left the kids home, she'd be a bad mom for always being gone and if she took her with them on her dime she'd be broke... so, create a job for them.

Look, I don't want this woman in the White House in any fashion, and believe me, she appears as self-serving and cut of the same wretched fabric as the other neoconservatives. But she is now on the international stage representing, like it or not, America. If she has to embarrass us, at least she can look good while doing it. I don't know why designers simply don't dress these people just because, but since they insist on them buying them, let's face it, it'd be fun to see her at Target or The Gap, but do we really need a Prét-á-Porter VP?

But how can they pretend to care for little people when she is flaunting around in designer clothes? Well, it would appear that is exactly what the little people relates to and wants, envies, desires and then despises because they don't have it.

The real issue here isn't that Palin can shop at the finest stores and get the finest things, the issue is that she's doing it at a time when most people can't shop at all. If everyone was still running around charging themselves in to a credit crunch or an equity line strangle hold no one would blink about this. But the fact is everyone is broke, well, everyone except rich republicans who stole all the money from us in the Country First place, (Country For Irresponsible Republicans Swindling Taxpayers) and are now in a twitter over a shopping spree.

Say it with me, Poppycock.

Don't act all righteous now about this. First of all, a majority of people out there would love to have this to spend on clothing. Oh, you're all saying, no way, I'd save the money, etc. Please, you're sitting in Alaska one day, just flexing what little power you have there on in-laws and state officials, working with lobbyist to get a few paltry tens of millions of dollars in ear marks, and you can't even get a decent pair of Manolo Blahniks because the state comptroller won't understand you needed them for walking in the snow. Then, all of a sudden, you're on a small charter plane to a huge rally where this old guy says you're his choice to be President when or if he dies in office, of the United States, that is. What's the first thing you think of?

Jesus God, what will I wear?

I mean, truly. Gazillions of people about to see you, and all you've got is Alaskan couture. Who are you, Gandhi wrapped in all but swaddling clothes? Bring a parka? That's just dumb. We expect these people to be put together. Of course it takes $14K for a makeup artist, they've got a lot of over to make.

And these are Americans, aren't they? These fashion stores, these makeup artists. We didn't import a makeup artist from elsewhere, did we? So the money is flowing back to taxpayers in some way, right?

I know most will think I've lost it. But I'm in show business and I'll tell you, good drag is expensive. It's not Sarah's fault, you cannot get couture to wear in a debate seen by 56 plus million people under a Blue Light at the Big K. Nope, it's Valentino, baby. And if she was dressed in anything but, the critics would have panned her for being Sarah, Plain and Tall.

No, don't be concerned with how much Palin is wearing, be concerned with how much her party is giving away and to whom it is giving it. This is the party that has systematically bilked Americans out of trillions of dollars all in, put us in more debt than any other, strike that, all other presidencies before it and has made economic slaves out of millions. All of this and someone is worried about less than a quarter-of-a-million-dollars on a makeover? Don't insult me or the nation.

And while we're on the path of things to get over, get over the amount of money we spend on portraits of outgoing cabinet members and Presidential families. Donald Rumsfeld's painting is about $46K and many are saying what's wrong with a photo. Well, first of all, those people don't know how much a photo session with an excellent photographer like a Liebowitz or a Meisel can be all in... trust me, it can go higher than $45k. Second, get over it, there is something about a painting that is historic, that does last longer, seems more permanent than a photograph. Just because America has removed art from its national lexicon, because we don't teach painting and creativity or really want it to flourish doesn't mean it isn't important. Here at Park Howard I have photos of myself and others everywhere. I was a photographer for years (professionally). But my two prize possessions are the paintings my legal wife (yes, I was a gay man that didn't wait for gay marriage, I just married a woman about five years ago so she could be insured). She painted "A Work Of Love Is Forever" which is a tribute to the late Andrew Howard, for whom the house is named, and she painted "The Master's View" a portrait of me that I will forever cherish. If the house burns I grab the dogs and the paintings.

The problem is people don't want to pay that for a painting of this war criminal or his boss. Well, too bad, most sat by while he launched an unjust and unholy occupation of another land, a move to total preemption as a policy, a move that now costs us about $10B a month and not many screamed as he did almost every one of the other terrible deeds that have bankrupted us morally and financially. Now that people have woken up and joined We, the People who saw through this all along they're angry, and angry people don't want to be patrons of the arts; particularly when they're broke.

But face it, the artist doing the White House Cabinet Portraits are Americans and again, need the commission. And if the cabinet member or President wasn't impeached, prosecuted and removed, then they get a portrait as it has been all along. We are a wealthy nation, don't pinch pennies on our history.

We all want wealth, at least enough to have some security and comfort; and many have dreams of wealth that means extreme comfort and security. This includes expensive shopping sprees or regal paintings and sometimes when we are reminded we are so far away from that while others are still enjoying it, we feel as though it is wrong, it is unjust. But it's America, people. Stop despising what you want.

Part of the American dream nowadays is that each of us will become the absolute best at what we do and succeed beyond our dreams, which usually means money. It's amazing how America always acts holier than thou when it behooves them. Sarah Palin's evil, see, she spends money on clothes. Well, she is a horrible woman, but not because of her wardrobe, but because of her views. And in a nation seen as wealthy, stop beating up the leaders or would be leaders for looking the part.

Now, everyone compared Palin to Michelle Obama, the other woman in this race of sorts. Obama's favorite designer is Chicago is Maria Pinto. She has worn her clothes during several photo shoots. The designer is not "exclusive" just small. She ended up having her clothes in stores and doing lines at a time when she wasn't a big factory operation. So yes, getting to see her is by appointment only. Her clothes run from about $500 for a top to $1000 to $4000 for a dress. She's not Valentino or Versace, she's a local Illinois designer that is starting to make a name for herself. Face it, you've never heard of an original Maria Pinto. Neither has Palin, obviously.

But make no mistake. When Michelle is in the White House I can't wait to see her dragged out in rags from all the best designers. But I'll bet she'll use up and coming designers, heck, she may even make Pinto a household name. And Obama will look stunning in tailored designer suits as he cuts a tall, debonair path through world events.

Yes, I want our leaders to look good. Spend some cash on drag and such. And I also want those leaders, once they have served, to be immortalized as all the leaders before them. Continuity, especially in Washington, is a must. I remember walking through Buckingham Palace a few years back. HRM Elizabeth was in residence and we were getting a small private showing. She and her staff took us in to a room at the palace that had paintings all over the walls. I asked HRM about the paintings and she said it was her family gallery...that her ancestors all the way back were immortalized here. I walked through that hall of giant oils of kings and queens, dukes and dutchesses, princes of all kinds. To me, it was history, to her, a family album of sorts.

And that's what the paintings of the cabinet members are. America's family political album. That is priceless.

As for designer rags... minutia America, will kill us. Pork Barrel is not a financial problem for you, so make John McCain stop telling you and us that it is. Wardrobe needs of candidates are not bringing down Wall Street, causing foreclosures, increasing the jobless rate.

Forget how much a candidate spends for the outside. Stop looking just outside, look inside. Because Sarah Palin can spend millions on clothes, and to stay with analogies of the McCain campaign, they can continue to try and make a silk purse out of a sow's ear but in the end it's words and deeds that matter more than silk and cotton blends.

No matter how much they spend, these two candidates have no clothes. Last week 475,000 jobless claims were filed and foreclosures are up 72% this year over last, Iraq is falling apart, Afghanistan has no plan and world economies are still falling. Let them stimulate the economy, let them shop, we need it right now. In the mean time, perhaps Palin should try Armani Exchange and other designer outlet stores. Or hell, can't she just borrow stuff from Cindy's closet? We could ebay the contents of 13 and probably bail out all the nation.

Oh, and Palin, love the black lace up knee boots you were wearing with a stunning red blazer and skirt. You were the red state dominatrix in action. I'm sure everyone on the plane loved it and Todd probably asked you to keep them for later if he was smart. I realize you need those knee boots to wade through all the crap you and your other candidate are spewing about.

Oh, and besides, it's all fine, she's giving the clothes to charity when she's done with them. Because I can't tell you how many homeless women could benefit from a Valentino or Vesace jacket while at the soup kitchen. Republicans are so magnanimous.