Prop 8 Casualty...Is It Overkill?

From Frontiers News Magazine, December 8, 2008, Special Email Bulletin:

Frontiers magazine learned Saturday Marjorie Christoffersen is stepping down as a manager at the Los Angeles restaurant El Coyote. Bill Schoeppner, a fellow manager at El Coyote who has been with the restaurant for 26 years, told Frontiers Christoffersen was also resigning as a member of El Coyote's board of directors.

 

"She no longer works here," Schoeppner said on Saturday. "She just told me tonight."

 

Christoffersen created a firestorm of controversy for the 77-year-old L.A. institution after local blogs broke the news she had donated $100 to the Yes on Proposition 8 campaign. Long a popular destination for the LGBT community for its cheap Mexican food and generous Margaritas, El Coyote found itself the target of boycotts and demonstrations after Christoffersen's donation went public. In a press conference hosted by the restaurant days after the news of the donation broke, Christoffersen tried to explain her donation did not have to do with animus for gay and lesbian people, but was instead tied to her Mormon faith. Christoffersen did not apologize for the donation and did not indicate she would support any No on 8 organization. Boycott organizers and demonstrators were not impressed, and have argued online and in the local news media that Christoffersen's support for the ban of same-sex marriage was reason to shun El Coyote.

Schoeppner said Christoffersen tended her resignation to her mother, Grace Salisbury, who is described on the El Coyote Web site as the "matriarch" of the restaurant. Salisbury's sister-in-law founded El Coyote in 1931.

"Everybody is kind of used to her walking around the restaurant with a water pitcher going from table to table to table," Schoeppner said of Christofferson. "I guess that part is no longer going to exist."

* * *

Wrong Again

What a sad, sad story the above is. Because we got it wrong, again. What did we gain by this, we, as a community? And old woman lost her job and a place for her to be...yes, by her own religious bigotry. But what would have worked better? Banishment? Or educating.

In the above story she says it has to do with her Mormon faith...that is a learned trait, a learned habit. It can be educated out of her. Show her by example she is wrong every day by living out, proud lives as couples in her face. Show her how we form the families, how we have the bonds.

Of course, she works at a place known for cheap margaritas, so I'm quite sure what she's seen of our morals and values...

In any event, now, she's run off, a wounded Mormon, a victim of the nasty gays. She's not an ally. And we need them.

She is and was wrong, yes. But she was rightfully sorry. And her $100 is nothing compared to thousands who go employed, still running businesses. Burger King is still going. Cinemark Movie Theatres still showing films. How about picking on a the big guys, sure, this woman was wrong, but getting her fired did absolutely nothing.

I'm sorry. I am. I know it's not right of me and I should want her to burn in hell. I should. And part of me does. But the other part knows better. It knows that people like her, who are around the community a lot, can be educated, can be shown the way of non-bigotry.

Because remember, I don't want to take her Mormon faith from her. Her insanity is her own. No, I want to simply educate her that neither she, nor the Mormons, Catholics or any one has the right to vote for the violation of the Equal Protection Clause of the State and U.S. Constitution. Remove the argument fro her Mormon minister and bring it to her where it counts, at home and at work. Show her she doesn't have to condone gay marriage of any kind, that her church doesn't have to welcome it if it doesn't want to, but that it cannot legislate against it either.

We lost another ally because we're slashing and burning the weak in this battle while the major players go unpunished.

Even Barack Obama said marriage was between a man and a woman at a time when we needed his voice on our side about equality. He let us down, too, remember, and many of you still gave him a job.

And took Christoffersen's.

So go to this restaurant now with clean minds, never knowing where the oil money is going you just put in your car, where the money comes from or goes to for the clothes you wear, the shoes, the accessories. Travel to countries like the Bahamas where being gay is illegal and live in states and bolster their economies where they refuse to even acknowledge we or you exist. Allow churches to go untaxed and ultimately order a beverage filled with poison that can lead to arrest, driving accidents, death or the spread of HIV through bad decisions and denounce anyone as immoral and wrong that hands it to you if their ideology is not your own.

I don't want to be fired for being gay. I don't want to be fired because the community or members of it may disagree with my lifestyle. If I donate to a cause not deemed politically correct by some perhaps they should educate me as to why, and, if they can't then STOP going where I work, don't demand I not work there.

Freedom. Marjorie Christoffersen had the right to donate $100 to Yes on 8. You, us we, have the right to not frequent where she eats. But we also have the OBLIGATION to not just let her fall away, but to try and educate her, to show her why this was a bad choice to make.

If then she continues making such choices, you agree to disagree and let her know you'll do all you can to oppose her. But while you oppose her, she has a right to work. You just don't have to be there when she is or give money to the place that employs her.

Americans have the right to be wrong. She's not the reason this battle was lost so stop blaming $100 donors. This battle was won by people who never donated a dime. Minority first time voters voted for Change in the White House but had their preacher's words from the Holy House helping them the rest of the way. After all, most had never done this before (voted) and were overwhelmed. They went in to a comfort zone. They were lied to by their preachers because their preachers were lied to by the Mormon Church, Catholic Church and other Church leaders through deceitful propaganda. Their preachers believed their higher church leader who knew better, but lied anyway.

They are the ones that must be removed from their jobs, not Marjorie. She's the least of our worries.

There are higher powers, and higher donors, with which to deal. Or are they, we, us afraid we won't win with them and this revenge feels good?

Comments

[GlennInVenice]

She was not fired. She did not lose her job. She lost her customers and thereafter quit.

Put the whole thing in reverse. Do you expect me to spend my hard-earned money enjoying my rare evening out on the town at a place and with a hostess that reminds me of the recent rollback of my civil rights as part of a formal recognition that I am not equal. Please. That hardly sounds like fun to me.

I lost my heart for El Coyote. Call it a boycott but it is simply a friendship that ended.

[max08]

Great post. And wise.

Now if we can just get those people spreading Muslim hatred as a trumped up fear in this country to recognize "neither she [they], nor the Mormons, Catholics or any one has the right to vote for the violation of the Equal Protection Clause of the State and U.S. Constitution."

[SonofLiberty1]

There was a story on the MSNBC webpage yesterday about the great number of e-mails that Newsweek is receiving not in favor of it's coverage.

I read some of the replies to the story.

So many folks e-mailed that they could care less if someone was gay or not.Frankly, believe it or not I feel the same way.

But just as many gay activists don't understand why non gays don't like the idea of marriage, I don't understand why one's private, sexual preferences need to be elevated to something that can be discriminated against.

After all, human beings are more than just their genitals and what they do with them.

[TheMatrixCBC]

Frankly, for someone who has been such an "institution" in El Coyote, who has been surrounded by homosexuals for any number of years, to suggest that she is uneducated is a gross statement, all around. She had PLENTY of positive exposure to our community, and still she chose to donate money to a bigoted cause, and I feel no pity for her, whatsoever. If they don't want us, we don't want them. Period. Forget all this "togetherness" nonsense, and just give these people the rewards of their bigotry: isolation, shunning, and loss of revenue.

[drjay79]

She was surrounded by gay people, who supported her, everyday and she still did not get it. No you are not going to educate her. She owns 1/3 of the business and is glad to take money from us but secretly oppose us.

[SonofLiberty1]

Just as you don't get it about folks who aren't gay...

[bwalsh1]

We are not opposing gay people, we are opposing the changing of an institution that is sacred to us and has existed for thousands of years between men and women. I support your legal rights to civil unions and protection of gay couples, but please don't take something holy to me and change what it is. It is a heterosexual institution, and if you want me to support your lifestyle maybe you could support mine.

[losangelesmd]

A "nice Mormon lady" gets her wrist slapped for contributing to "Yes on 8", is publicly "outed" and voluntarily resigns as a manager of her own business. Yet she still owns 1/3 of that 77-year old money-printing, heartburn-inducing establishment, so I can't break out the Kleenex just yet.

Hundreds of thnousands of gay people and their families are denied their civil rights, but we should "be nice to the little old ladies" who just need some education??? Mr. Bouley, please take the time to read about civil rights history and strategy before you put calloused finger(s) to keypad next time. "Church ladies" are just about the meanest people in our own neighborhoods -- idealogues, dressed in their Sunday best, spewing hate and intolerance.

These struggles are long, intensely personal and often start with a whimper (like El Coyote) before we pick up enough steam for the "Big Bang" of a major corporate boycott.

Marjorie Christofferson was INDEED given a chance to be educated, publicly recant her decision, and donate to the cause so dear to her paying customers. She flatly REFUSED to do any of this at a town hall meeting just days after the election.

You argue that winning the "hearts and minds" of idealogues is the way to go. I beg to differ. Grassroots civil action and demanding our day in court are the only means by which anything changes in struggles of this nature.

[PhilipB]

Oh, enough!
She resigned. She was not forced to quit. That was her choice.
It is my choice not to support a business that stripped me and my partner of 22 year of our civil rights. Why would I want to say that is ok? Why do I have to "educate" her. We are not running for sainthood here. Boycotts are perfectly legal and natural. If someone supported neo Nazi groups or the Klan, would that be less acceptable?
I can say right now I am so sick and tired of not having equality. I have no sympathy for anyone who voted to strip me of a few short months of equality. That may be their choice, but I am not going to say I like it. I mean, would straight people be so quiet it they were now unequal? I think not! Nothing should be done that is illegal, but I support peaceful protests like boycotts. Peoples actions have consequences. That is the real world. Get real.

[carsntrucks]

If you live in CA, Prop 8 stripped you of NOTHING. Absolutely nothing. You can register for domestic partnerships and get the same rights you had when you were "married".

[JayJonson]

carsntrucks: this is another lie perpretrated by the Mormons. As the California Supreme Court noted, there are big differences between marriage and domestic partnerships. And if they are the same, why did the Mormon Church raise $20 million to deny gay people the right to a mere word? Isn't it stupid to get your magic underwear in a twist over a mere word? We have learned in this country that separate is seldom equal.

[GlennInVenice]

Seperate but equal. Wrong then. Wrong now.

[ACMallet]

I don't often agree with you, Karel, but today I do and I applaud your honesty here.

Whatever happened to the attitude, "I may not agree with what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it."

AC

[GlennInVenice]

I too defend people's rights to their beliefs and their right to free speach. It is a worth fighting to the death, as you say.

I am glad to live in a country where Marjorie can spend $100 to help fund an ad campaign that asserted that by continuing to give gay folks the right to civil marriage their children would in some way be compromised or their churches would somehow loose freedom of religion.

I also choose to dine out and with people who respect me as an equal, do not feel threatened by my very being, and who do not want to spend their money funding propeganda.

I couldn't manage to haul myself into El Coyote awaiting Marjorie to breeze by smiling if I wanted to. The memory is a relic of the past.

[JayJonson]

This is nonsense. No one forced this woman to resign. She did so because she knew that her restaurant would go out of business because of her betrayal of her customers. Gay people are not obliged to support those who would deny them their rights. If she is such a great Mormon, she shouldn't be serving alcohol in the first place. She is able to bend her beliefs in reference to liquor but not in reference to equal rights for her customers. Save your tears for the real victims here.

[bwalsh1]

"betrayal of her customers"

So, are restaurant owners supposed to support the political causes and views of all their patrons? They should only take peoples money on the condition that they will support the issues that they believe in? If they can't do that because of their religious beliefs, would it be better to bar people of dissenting views from their establishments, such as posting a "No Gays" or "No Democrats" sign in the window?

She disagreed with her customers and supported a different cause according to her own sense of morality. When the customers gave her their money, they weren't buying her political or moral support, they were paying for food, which she delivered.

I support the right of people to boycott businesses who don't share their values. However, let's not label this woman as "betraying" her customers. She doesn't own a gay bar, she owns a Mexican restaurant, and she has no control over whether the clientele is straight or gay. Whether her customers are gay or not, she is still entitled to her own vote, and her own political agenda, and it need not be public.

[carsntrucks]

It's "religious bigotry" to be for traditional marriage? How so?

But I do agree that this is overkill. Eventually it is going to backfire, if it hasn't already.

[luvobama]

What about me? I'm married 25 years, 4 kids. There is not one religious thing about my wonderful marriage or family. We live by the Golden Rule and the 10 commandments. That's it. A nicer, healthier family you will never meet. We voted a resounding no on Prop 8. We believe in equal rights. We especially believe in the sanctity of love and commitment. Our children do not know what it is to hate or discriminate. it's not how they were raised. It seems so simple for my hubby and I.

[carsntrucks]

That's fine, but you didn't answer my question. How is it "religious bigotry" because people believe marriage should stay the way it is, and the way it has been? Your personal situation is irrelevant in that it's not what I'm talking about.

Also, for the religious and non-religious alike, if people think something is morally/ethically wrong (like so many do with gay marriage), you can't expect them to still hold themselves to a standard of equality.

[bwalsh1]

You just described a relationship that has a lot of "religious things" about it, whether you realize it or want to admit it.