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Charlie Maffei Headshot

You Can Catch More Flies With Honey

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Many of you have probably heard of the old adage, "You can catch more flies with honey than vinegar." This was one of the first rules of life that my mother taught me, and you'd better believe I have perfected it. I learned at a very young age that life was just easier if you put a smile on your face instead of a scowl when approaching the world. Along with this lesson I learned to let the little things go. If someone did something that could be perceived as rude, I would just flash them a smile and carry on. Someone emailed me recently with the same sentiment, saying, "Being nice to nice people is great, but being nice to those who are not nice to you is how the world becomes better. We should not want to defeat or humiliate those we don't agree with but to win their friendship and understanding."

More and more lately in my matchmaking business I've been encountering negative, angry people who cannot understand why they cannot find happiness. I try to work with them to explain that happiness is a choice that they have to make for themselves. Yes, you can control your own outlook on life! You can wake up every day and be a grump or put on a smile and look at life with a cheery perspective.

Now, don't get me wrong: I am not saying that I never get angry, but as I get older I am learning more and more to envelope myself with positive energy instead of a anger. I have friends and acquaintances who state adamantly, "I am a happy, positive person, too!" My question today is simply, "Are you?"

I was riding as a passenger in a friend's car recently and was shocked to find that she beeped and honked and literally yelled out loud to every person or car that got in front of her. When I asked her why she did this, she snapped, "I am sick and tired of stupid people getting in my way when I am simply trying to get from point A to point B." She stopped talking when I asked her, "Did you ever think that some of the people beeping and honking around you are thinking the same thing of you?" Our friends in the backseat actually thanked me later for calling her on it. That is a lot of negative energy being spewed for no reason.

Recently I was walking with a friend through Times Square and had a similar experience. All he could do was complain about all the tourists who rudely stood in his way. I got it when he said it the first time, but by the time he said it for the 12th time, it had grown a little tiresome. Without calling him on his negative energy, I simply said, "This is the crossroads of the world. Times Square is the world's most visited tourist attraction, bringing in over 39 million visitors annually. All of these tourists that you are complaining about are bringing tons of money into our city. Put the money aside, and think of the positive energy in this place. These people are stepping into this bustling neighborhood and stopping in their tracks to stare in awe and wonder at what we take for granted every day." Let's just say that my friend glared at me and didn't talk much after that. Again, that is a lot of negative energy.

But forget about daily interactions with strangers in the street. How do you treat the people close to you? Do you find yourself snapping at your friends and family? Why would you want to hurt the feelings of the ones closest to you? Sure, everyone rubs everyone the wrong way every once in a while, but if you find yourself constantly apologizing for flying off the handle, maybe you have to learn to treat your loved ones with more kindness.

How did you respond to that guy whom you went on a date with last week? I recently introduced two guys who seemed to hit it off. When one of them decided he wasn't interested, the other one went off the deep end and called him every name in the book. Not everyone we meet is going to be a perfect fit. He could have walked away from that first date and said, "Oh, well." Instead, he let his anger and rage consume him and showed himself in a negative light by being nasty. My response to this was "why?"

One of my new clients gave me a copy of The Velvet Rage by Alan Downs, Ph.D. In it he describes the "crash and lash syndrome" that many gay men suffer from. This book is giving me a clear insight into why so many of us can suffer from sudden bursts of rage. If you are a gay man who wonders about his moodiness, this book is a great read!

Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that I have the answers to everything, but I can tell you from my experiences and observations that if you are looking for happiness in this world, you have to emit happiness. You get back from the universe what you put into it. I am at a great place in my life, and great things keep happening. I truly believe in my heart and soul that this good fortune is because of the positive energy that I am putting out there. Give it a try.

Give some thought to this. What are you using for attraction? Honey or vinegar?

Your friendly neighborhood matchmaker,
Charlie