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Charlotte Hilton Andersen

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Trend Alert: Chest Bones Are The New Clavicle

Posted: 08/15/08 11:37 AM ET

Skinny is in, just in case you missed the memo and somehow also missed being whacked over the head with the skinny mallet by every single media outlet. But it is no longer enough to just be thin. You must be skeletal. Lumpy thin, a la Kirsten Dunst, is so nineties. Anyone can starve, darlings. But not everyone can make their bones pop just so.

Consider the evidence:

Last year was all about the clavicle. Many thin women have protruding collar bones at the base of their neck. But only the really good ones can make it pop all the way to a visible knob at the top of each shoulder. In fact, this look -- dubbed The Kiera for its most famous practitioner -- is so popular that it has inspired its own brand of plastic surgery: shoulder lipo.

But before you go running to your neighborhood plastic surgeon, be warned: "This procedure is for people who are usually already in great shape and are very trim. They maybe go to the gym three or five days a week but there are a few areas that the gym can't reach, such as their shoulders, knees and ankles. It is not a procedure I perform on obese women." And now I'm picturing obese women with sinewy clavicle-popping shoulders... Somewhere Da Vinci is rolling in his grave.

This year's trend gets even more anatomical, if you will. Lady Victoria Hervey shows that chest bones are the new collar bones. If you can't count a woman's ribs all the way to her navel then she is obviously too fond of the food. Or survival. Or shirts.

What's next for a social climbing starlet with too much money and too few brains? Chest lipo? Whoops, there go your breasts! And everyone knows you need those to get ahead (must... not... make... perverted... pun). Thank heavens Dr. 90210, despite not being board-certified and a general all-around cretin, invented silicone! I mean, he did, right??

Honestly, I'm not sure where this is going next. We've already got hip bones so prominent you could lose an eye. Cheek bones so hollow you could sip the special Kool-Aid out of the them. Chins so razor sharp they could spear fish. But don't worry, the media won't leave us hanging. After all, I hear that Angelina is spitting distance from her pre-pregnancy weight of 105 lbs. Girl is 5' 7" according to IMDb, which gives her a BMI of 16.

Wait -- has anyone told Rachel Zoe and Co. that our brains our 60% FAT?!? I feel a trend coming. Brace yourselves, it's going to be a bumpy ride.

 
 
 

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