Although holiday time means presents and no school for most American kids, it can also be a stressful time -- particularly with so many families facing financial hardship, in families where there's a recent loss of a loved one, and with the challenges faced by split or blended families.
According to the American Psychological Association's recent survey, "Stress in America 2010," 73 percent of parents report family responsibilities as a top stressor; 32 percent report that their stress is extreme (8 on a 10-point scale). And although most parents realize that they are living with unhealthy stress levels -- 69 percent of parents know that it's important to manage their stress -- only 32 percent say that they are doing a very good job of it.
Children know when their parents are having a hard time, and it does affect them: 47 percent of tweens and 33 percent of teens feel sad when their parents are stressed; 36 percent of tweens and 43 percent of teens worry; and 25 percent of tweens and 38 percent of teens feel frustrated when experiencing their parents in such a state.
Add to that kids' own stress, which has a significant impact on the quality of their lives: 33 percent of kids reported headaches, 38 percent complained of difficulty falling or staying asleep, and 31 percent reported having an upset stomach in the past month.
Now is a perfect time to start turning family stress around. What will help? Here are seven simple holiday stress-reducing strategies that can make a difference -- holiday time or any time:
You can do this one at the dinner table. Have everyone in the family close their eyes, focus on their heart, and imagine what kind of holiday will bring joy into their heart. Then share your ideas around the table. This helps kids feel listened to, cared for and included.
Ancient wisdom and modern research point to the calming effects and health benefits of slow, deep breathing. Make a regular practice of taking one to five minutes each day of relaxing "balloon breathing." Breathe in to a count of three about two inches below the navel, imagining that there is a balloon filling up with air, and out to that same slow count. It will center and rebalance every family member, while helping them to face the joys and inevitable disappointments of the holiday season.
If this is your child's first holiday without a loved one -- grandpa passed away, or big sister is in Afghanistan -- younger family members may feel a deep sense of loss. Or maybe your child is feeling the stress of a recent divorce. Give her paper and markers, and ask her to draw whatever is making her sad or mad. Then ask her what the picture wants to say out loud. Often, putting a face on an emotion and letting it "speak" makes the child feel better -- and gives the parent a way to understand what's going on.
Kids (and adults) can get all pent-up during holiday time. Surprise little ones by clearing the furniture out of the center of the room, turning on some fun music, and dancing vigorously for 10 minutes. Or bundle up the family and take a wintry walk while playing "I Spy." Exercise releases feel-good chemicals and is one of the fastest ways to chase away holiday blahs and instill a sense of togetherness.
Create a family ritual of hope. Have two candles for each family member: one lit, one not. Have each imagine what they'd like to let go of -- what no longer serves them -- and say, "I'm going to toss out [anger, worry, meanness to my sister] when I blow this candle out." Then light a new candle and share, "I hope to bring in [kindness, faith, cleaning my room] as I light anew." Let go of the old and bring in the new. You can use one candle to symbolize all, or light up your whole home with several.
Avoid some of the little and big jealousies that crop up from comparing who has a bigger present or counting how many gifts go to whom by starting early and giving gifts of appreciation -- to each family member. Take the whole month of December (or start at Thanksgiving) and every day have each person share something they appreciate about another (big brother allowing younger sister to hang out in his room, for example). Make a running list and post on the fridge or in the family room to remind each other when stresses build that you really do care about and love each other.
The time-honored tradition of helping others can shift priorities. If kids or teens are moping around or showing signs of stress, take them to the local soup kitchen to serve meals. Visit a nursing home with hand-made cards, or offer a free concert. Helping others gives kids a feeling of more control and a sense of being both useful and appreciated.
Sources:
Stress in America 2010. American Psychological Association.
November 9, 2010. APA Survey Raises Concern about Health Impact of Stress on Children and Families.
Managing Stress for a Healthy Family.
Follow Charlotte Reznick, Ph.D. on Twitter: www.twitter.com/ImageryForKids
Helping Our Children With Stress - NYTimes.com
Holiday Stress - How to Reduce Your Holiday Stress
Parenting Perspective: Holiday Traditions | 6abc.com
Parenting Guru: Manage holiday insanity with a focus on family ...
I thought you might appreciate this related article on calm and Christmas:
http://www.backyardmystic.com/2010/12/after-the-rush-are-you-still-calm-or-depleted/
P.S. I spy was my fav. childhood game, one I whole heatedly returned to with children of many ages this year. Talk about calm!