Burn the Witch: The Case Against Gloria Allred

I'll make this quick and dirty.

I may spew a little venom here and there on my website, but believe it or not, there are scant few people in this world I truly can't stand. I'm not talking about the kind of people who annoy or mildly irritate; I'm talking about the ones whose mere existence just infuriates the hell out of me; whose lack of any discernible contribution to humanity makes me want to take a hostage; whose voice alone can shatter my spine like glass.

Among this highly specialized group of horrid, worthless dirtbags -- I'm not sure anyone is more thoroughly contemptible or patently offensive than Gloria Allred.

Cut from the same cloth as Nancy Grace, another feckless troll who treats the legal profession like her own personal litter-box-cum-slot-machine, Allred can typically be found wherever TV cameras are present. She's the alien queen of the ambulance-chasing high-profile lawyer set -- the sort of loathsome caricature that could only thrive in a place as morally capricious as L.A. Over the course of her diabolically lengthy career, she's represented such celebs-via-circumstance as Amber Frey, Paula Jones, Nicole Brown Simpson, Melanie "Scary Spice" Brown and Britney Spears's bodyguard -- all the while representing, in reality, only one person: Gloria Allred. She's inserted herself into the surreal debacle that was the Michael Jackson trial. She's manipulated an all-too-willing media into doing her bidding, which always involves beaming her gruesome, opportunistic ass into every home in America in what would seem to be a concerted effort to turn us all to stone. What Al Sharpton is to race relations in this country, Gloria Allred is to its legal system.

And now -- of course -- she's representing Rob Lowe's nanny.

This morning, Allred appeared with 24 year old Jessica Gibson on NBC's Today show to do her copyrighted "Angry Mom Whose Innocent Daughter has Just Been Victimized" routine. For those of you lucky enough to have not heard a peep about this case, Rob Lowe says Gibson is a trash-talker who exploited his family's goodwill; Gibson says Lowe sexually harassed her while she was caring for his kids. Honestly, who gives a crap either way?

Gloria Allred, of course.

Her performance this morning was pure theater -- pure Gloria: She held Gibson's hand like a supportive best friend; contorted her face into a steely grimace while shrilly heaping irresponsible invective onto Lowe; wouldn't let anyone get a word in that might counter her carefully rehearsed indignation; looked like she was always one involuntary impulse away from digging into Gibson's neck to drink her sweet, young blood. The only thing missing was a fucking trapeze act.

The good news is that by allowing herself to be preyed on by this wicked witch -- by accepting the shiny red apple of a big money settlement that was no doubt offered so seductively -- Jessica Gibson has all but ensured that she'll lose in court. Sure, she'll get a lot of free press, but in the end, thanks to Allred's unholy puppetry, she'll get a few bucks from posing for Playboy and eventually be known as 2008's Darva Conger.

Remember her?

Yeah, I didn't think so.

Good job there, Gloria.

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Comments

[Jebbushnot]

Okay, how about a Pay Per View for the Trust Fund Managers Relief:

5 Rounds, Gloria Alred v. John McCain.....no holes bared.
Must be in High Def so we can see the turkey necks of both
boxers in detail.

[blackirish]

Gloria Allred's firm is excellent. A number of its lawyers--Dolores Leal and Nate Goldberg, for two--are among the finest and most ethical employment lawyers in the country. Allred is execrable, and a bad joke to those in the employee-side employment law community.


She was elected a Hillary Clinton delegate in a West LA caucus this past Sunday. Sort of perfect, n'est-ce pas?

[NCGigi]

Lawyers clean up dirty messes that no one else will touch in our society. Give me a break. Its a hard and dirty job, and it is impossible to look good down in the muck of humanity all the time. Gloria Allred is an important jurist whose work has benefitted hundreds of thousands of Americans. So, it is unseemly for Gloria Allred to zealously work for the rights of her client? I hope it is unseemly. Injustice is unseemly. Getting justice is hard hard work, and when mining diamonds, one does get covered in dust.

[cobraxus]

thank you

[JamesRiddle]

Gloria Allred would show up for the opening of an envelope.

[edgraham]

Chez, I thought this was going to be one of those articles that had universal agreement. Naturally, I was wrong.

WITCHES - - how could I have known there were so many delusional people waiting to attack your TITLE? Would people be upset if you said, Maim the Martian? (Another fictional character)

To all the people who think they are witches: No, you're not. There are no witches. You have deluded yourself into believing you have powers that don't exist. You are also stupid, boring, and need a hug. Maybe you should talk to Glenda about your illness.

Ed Graham

[cylindar]

Yeah, your right!!!

[NABNYC]

If you really want to dig up some dirt, get her birth certificate. I think she's lost a decade or so off her resume.

[Yazie]

Yeah I don't think she was a good choice for a lawyer either but maybe she was the only one willing to work with this case? Who knows. Gloria is way too loud and in your face!

[ErinG]

and Maureen Dowd.

[bernie12]

"Gibson says Lowe sexually harassed her while she was caring for his kids. Honestly, who gives a crap either way?"

uhm, yeah, like i''m hoping a lot of people care about sexual harassment in the workplace and consider it a fundamental civil rights issue. how telling to single out gloria allred who deserves to be burned at the stake. some might have offered robert shapiro or F lee bailey as additional kindling. but no, nancy grace is your choice. and it's "the sound of their voice" that can "shatter your spine". wow, of all the sleeze bag lawyers that you could have singled out. and "burn the witch" is as offensive as it gets. it's like lynching in another context. and p.s. al sharpton has done many more good things for race relations than your asinine comments ever will.

[LivingStardust]

"Build a bridge outta 'er!"

[Christopher1]

Gloria Allred is a media whore

[Christopher1]

She's a leech, she needs to dig a hole and crawl inside it and stay there..........

[mommadona]

Ok, that's IT..

Stop using that stupid analogy of BURN THE WITCH.

I'm a traditional witch, so, you can perhaps understand WHY this is abhorrent to me and others.

Watch it, kid.
My bindings are powerful.

[luvnwitch]

Also..as a Modern(Male ) Witch, taking some offense to a tired cliche....­Otherwise.­.You are spot on about this media whore...keep on keepin on...love your work

[Clarke]

People who think they're witches seem to issue threats on the internet an awful lot. I'm not complaining, I just wish they'd make good on it.

Maybe their magicks are useless against me since I look like like a toad already.

[BachelorJohnnyCool]

Loud, sustained applause!