Judge Dread
So Supreme Court Justice David Souter has announced that he'll be retiring, putting President Obama in the position of making yet another decision, in just his first few months in office, that will have consequences for this country that reach far beyond his presidency. Unfortunately, whomever he picks won't tip the overall ideology of the High Court, given that Souter -- who was appointed by the first President Bush -- shocked the crap out of his GOP benefactors by typically siding with the court's liberal minority in ruling after ruling. This unconscionable betrayal earned him instant apostate status and with it the kind of ire from the far right usually reserved for gay pedophiles or people who don't stand for the National Anthem at NASCAR races.
What this means, though, is that very soon we'll be treated to a Senate Judiciary Committee confirmation hearing sure to be contentious, to say the least. It would've been anyway, but Jesus, with the state of the GOP right now -- the daily bukkake of crazy coming from the disarrayed pack of howler monkeys that used to be an actual political party -- can you imagine what Obama's nominee is going to have to endure? P.T. Barnum couldn't have come up with something like what we're gonna see.
Sen. Patrick Leahy (D-Vermont, Chairman): These proceedings are now called to order. The chair recognizes the...
Sen. Tom Coburn (R-Oklahoma): If... If I may, Mr. Chairman. I think it's imperative that the nominee immediately address rumors that she once masturbated to thoughts of Karl Marx. Is that true?
Sen. Patrick Leahy: I'm sorry, Senator Coburn -- but I fail to see the...
Sen. Lindsay Graham (R-South Carolina): ARE YOU NOT A WITCH, MA'AM?
Sen. Leahy (banging gavel repeatedly): Please. This hearing will come to order, Senators.
Sen. John Cornyn (R-Texas) (suddenly standing and raising his finger): Mr. Chairman, the distinguished gentleman from the Independent Republic of Texas wishes to be heard. Remember the Alamo!
Sen. Lindsay Graham: MA'AM, ARE YOU NOT A CARRIER OF THE SWINE FLU?
Sen. Jon Kyl (R-Arizona): Riddle me this -- how do you feel about gay marriage abortions? Would you be surprised to learn that I am the product of one?
Sen. Lindsay Graham: Mr. Chairman, I wish to go on the record and apologize to Rush Limbaugh if I insulted him by using the word "swine" a few moments ago. I am deeply sorry for the offense.
Lindsay Graham drops to his knees and begins crying uncontrollably -- then faints.
Sen. Tom Coburn: MY GOD, IT'S ALL BARACK OBAMA'S FAULT!
Sen. Jon Kyl: We must immediately invade Liechtenstein!
Sen. John Cornyn: Texas pledges four troops, a couple of highway patrolmen in mirrored sunglasses, the corpse of Janis Joplin and a pick-up truck full of Mexican day laborers, all named Juan, to the war effort!
Cornyn stands and begins singing ZZ Top's Tush.
Sen. Jeff Sessions (R-Alabama): If I may, ma'am -- what are your thoughts on replacing the U.S. Constitution with a sexually explicit memo written by Bill O'Reilly to Andrea Mackris?
Lindsay Graham twitches on the floor, lifts his fist and shouts: FREEEEEDOOOOOOOM!!!!!!
Michele Bachmann's head appears from under the table in front of Orrin Hatch. She wipes her mouth then kisses a large gold crucifix dangling atop her cleavage.
Sen. Orrin Hatch (R-Utah) (smiling with satisfaction): Mr. Chairman, I move we adjourn for the day.
Leahy bangs the gavel once, throws it over his shoulder, gets up and walks out.
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Boring stuff....and not very clever at all.
It is very funny -- but, Good Lord, man, I don't think I could take seeing Cornyn singing ZZ Top. They have rather devolved into children, though, haven't they? This is a very fitting article. I'd pay to see Lindsay G. fall out.
It would be nice if the Republicans could come up with someone for the Judiciary Committee who could actually read the Constitution with comprehension. If Orrin Hatch is the elder statesman of the bunch the Republicans are really scraping the bottom of the barrel. Once or twice a year he says something sane, but the rest have distinguished themselves only by spouting the party line without cracking up.
Put the confirmation hearings on pay-per-view. Hell, I wouldn't mind paying a few bucks to watch the vestigial members of the Rethuglican party makes even bigger asses of themselves than they already have.
I think they put them on C-SPAN. You don't even have to pay extra, it's part of basic cable.
*buys a ticket*
My word! What madness! And bukkake! (Is that how it's spelled?) You're out of control! And Bachmann under the table!
Always an enjoyable read. Thank you.
Good one Chez. These people make me want to scream, they are just insane. I am sure you are very close to the truth. Can't wait to see what stupid questions they come up with. I just don't understand that they can't see how stupid and childish they are acting.
Good one Chez. This is really going to be something to watch. The insanity coming from the Republican party is almost more than I can take. Honestly, I just don't understand how grown people can act this way.
Obama will do the right thing and appoint a moderate pro-marriage, pro-gun and pro-life judge who won't offend anyone.
I find that offensive.
A judge like that is not a "moderate", they are a "conservative activist".
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