10/25/2009 01:29 pm ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Ladies' Worst

I'm going to write a book called How to Hunt for a Wife.

It's going to tell men that they should seek out women who are average looking (less likely to cheat), younger than them (more likely to idolize), and are willing to cook and do the dishes (a matter of practicality). I'm going to dub the search for these kinds of women a "hunt" because that's a stereotypically male activity. Then I'm going to call the network morning shows and see how many of them are willing to invite me on for a friendly chat about the book -- as opposed to inviting me on to sit next to a very angry member of the National Organization for Women and defend my status as a cultural pariah.

What do you think? How many of these shows would want to see their gregarious hosts yucking it up with me on national television about the obvious merits of my marriage advice for men?

Before you answer, consider this: Last weekend, Janice Lieberman, self-described "shopping expert" and objectively described Upper East Side cliche, appeared on NBC's Today show to hawk her new book, How to Shop for a Husband. It features the same recommendations I just offered in my own fantasy best-seller, only aimed at women and in reference to men.

On Today, a pretentious and patronizing Lieberman didn't face anyone offended to the hilt at the jaw-dropping insipidity and shallow opportunism apparently on display in her book; didn't have to defend herself against a couple of pissed off guys wanting to know where she gets off; wasn't confronted by somebody wondering how she felt about setting the women's movement back about 60 years. Nope, all she got was an unfortunately ingratiating Jenna Wolfe, giggling like a girlfriend sitting across a table littered with empty cosmo glasses while the older, more "experienced" woman holds court.

By now it's a given that 90% of what network morning shows book as segments is frivolous garbage; it's worthless at this point to specifically target Today or Jenna Wolfe (whom I happen to like and who seemed to be trying to bury the fact that, as a pretty tough woman, she was somewhat uncomfortable with the whole thing). But I'm curious as to why this particularly vile brand of sexist horseshit -- and yes, it is sexist -- is still allowed to be injected into the pop culture bloodstream undeterred and, what's more, promoted as harmless whimsy that everyone should just accept as "girls being girls." If the roles were reversed and it were supposedly just a case of "guys being guys," it would at best be relegated to the pages of some buffoonish magazine like Maxim, or at worst be held up for angry debate and indignant ridicule on the very same outlets that embrace nonsense like How to Shop for a Husband.

Women shouldn't be let off the hook for pushing shameful sexual minstrelsy just because they're women. It's no more acceptable when they do it than when men do -- and no more painful to have to watch and listen to.