Get Over Yourselves, Airports

Years ago, we used to have a feature on Politically Incorrect with Bill Maher called "Get Over Yourself." It was given to the person or place most in need of lightening the fuck up. There's nothing that needs to lighten up more than airports -- or more specifically, our national attitude about airports.

I flew back to Los Angeles from Portland, OR last night on an airline that shall remain nameless (hint: the name rhymes with "Horizon Air, a regional carrier for Alaska Airlines"). When my wife and I got to the airport, we were informed that I was checked in but she was in danger of being bumped off the flight because it was oversold. I reacted to this news by informing the agent I felt that this was "unfair." The ticket was pre-purchased. We were traveling together. It was the last flight of the night and we needed to be on it. I was firm but I wasn't overly aggressive -- no cursing, no loud talking, no six vodka tonics before boarding (three, max). Plain and simple, the woman behind the counter was being a derogatory term for the female anatomy. I asked if I could speak to a supervisor, to which she replied, "Go sit down or you can talk to the police." After I wondered aloud if Sting and Stuart Copeland were on the flight, she repeated herself. "Go sit down or you can talk to the police." Yep, she was serious. She was trying to turn a minor disagreement into a jail-worthy confrontation.

On my way back to my chair, Carol Gotbaum popped into my mind. In case you forgot, she's the woman who died while in police custody in the Phoenix airport. She's been on my mind ever since a friend told me last week that he knows the family. And it got me thinking. Is this what it has come to in America? If I dare to demand that a contract I entered into with a service provider be honored, they threaten me with the police? Airports aren't airports anymore. They're Communist China.

If you want evidence that the terrorists have already gone a long way toward achieving their goals, look no farther than American airports. We have become so oversensitive at airports they're close to becoming college campuses. I mean, sure, taser a kid for yelling at John Kerry. If that kid had gone any farther, he could have ignited an open exchange of ideas. And we can't have that at our educational institutions. But don't threaten me with the cops because I want some decent service. Imaging being turned away from a sporting event because they sold your seat twice -- doesn't happen.

In America it seems like we react with senseless emotion first and logic way later, if ever. Think about terrorists in airports. Have they ever gone out of their way to call attention to themselves? No. They do to the opposite. They try to blend in. They HIDE AMONG US. They don't reek of booze or act demanding in line. And by the way, so far, none of them have been 45 year-old soccer moms from the Upper West Side on the way to rehab.

Last night, if I didn't have a couple of kids to get home to, I might have requested that the airline employee call the police. I could have told them that someone was attempting to steal from me. I paid for something and then that person I paid refused to give it to me. You can go to jail for that. I just wanted a cramped seat in coach on a musty airplane with a bunch of farting sleeping old people (I know it was you, lady in the orange sweater).

It's not really airports that need to get over themselves. It's us as a society that has turned these dung heaps of human misery into modern Indian burial grounds -- walk with respect and don't look sideways. The terrorists hit us once. Hard. They changed our way of life. I have the confiscated bottles of Aveda Confixor to prove it. But can we just take a deep breath and realize that even in these bad times, people still have bad days, even at airports. We've suffered enough. Let's not live by the motto "Don't freak out in an airport -- OR YOU MIGHT DIE."

Comments

[crabcake]

Why would anyone fly unless it is absolutey necessary?? I have taken the time to check railroad routes. It's a shame that railroads are on the decline in the U.S. Do you know that they actually tear up railroad tracks now adays? Yes, they are tearing them up all the time. Doesn't this seem strange???

[bigirlsdontcry]

The senators who legislate avoid the public airports. They should be required to take 50% of their flights ala common folks at common airports thru common security lines.

They are clueless.

Sister

[neutrino74]

By far the worst part of flying is getting through the TSA Nazi gauntlet. I find it invasive and obnoxious. It is intended more to harass the public than for their safety.

In recent tests something like 75% of the test articles were not discovered by the screeners. I no longer put my liquids and such in the plastic bags. Just leave them in my carry-ons. If you know a little physics it is not hard to conceal them from the screeners.

I avoid getting involved in any banter with the TSA people. Just keep quiet and avoid them unless they force you to answer a direct question.

As to the quality of the in-flight service, blame that on deregulation. Deregulation means there is no minimum price so airlines compete with each other to provide less and less service for less and less money. If you want to have a nice experience fly business class or first class. Of course, it will cost you a heck of a lot more. But that is the point. When the government set a minimum price then airlines competed for your business by offering amenities. Now with no floor on the price they cut every corner they can to attract customers with the lowest fares.

[Steppenwolf]

Is Blackwater in charge of 'security' at any US airports?

Just curious.

[SoonerThought]

Man, when you're right, you're right. I am so sick of the ridiculous crap at airports. Sadly, through inconvenience and contravention of the civil rights of American citizens, our airports have "let the terrorists win" by allowing the U.S.A. to slowly but surely become a police state (and no, I do not mean Sting, Andy Summers and Stewart Copeland).

[Bigtexxx]

Flying from Amsterdam to Copenhagen recently. As I checked my bag, I asked the friendly, happy, courteous SAS check-in agent, "Is it OK if I lock my bag?" She said, "Sure. We don't look in your luggage. That's only the US."

And yet, I don't see any of THEIR planes falling out of the sky.

Gee, shouldn't they be more scared? Like us?

[dleonard123]

And do you have friends who don't have smoke detectors and their houses are doing just fine?

[Mark1]

The objective of terrorists is to cause terror. Looks like they're succeeding in the USA, doesn't it? When Osama bin Laden hears about things like this he must be laughing at all the timid, overreacting Americans.

[GladysKnightsPIP]

OBL knows most Americans are Sheeple and will swallow anything.

[tommy slothrop]

I agree with your point about fear-mongering but air travel is much too convenient, considering the contribution it makes to our oil consumption. People fly at the drop of a hat. Much of it is government­-subsidize­d through tax breaks for business travel. So businesspeople fly to meetings rather than use teleconferencing.

We are 4.5 years into our second oil war. If air travel wasn't so cheap there would be low-cost surface travel alternatives. If we didn't have to work to make and buy so many useless consumer goods that we would be better off without, we could work fewer hours per year and would be able to take time to take a week to travel to Europe on ship rather than on a 10-hour flight.

[oogabooga]

I quit flying nearly four years ago. I just drive now. Flew on business, millions of miles, for 35 years. I just got tired of the endless waits, hassles from peabrains with a toy badge who treat everyone like they're terrorists, fighting with dimwitted counter people who are unable to figure out how to put one passenger in each seat, and last but not least, the puny little airplane seats. Good riddance.

[rc2250]

The TSA was created by George Bush appointees. The only way to undo the damage is to remove George Bush and all of his appointees.

The thought process behind TSA'a creation is purely republican. Without his goose stepping brown shirted neo Christians, none of this crap would be possible.

We allow these goons to rummage through our belongings without a shred of evidence. We allow these Gestapo types to strip search our grandmothers and grandfathers and then kill those that resist. Isn’t it about time we put a stop to this BS?

[dleonard123]

Yep, and as soon as the next plane explodes, you'd be wondering about connecting the dots, etc. I do agree with your point about who it is we target at these security checkpoints. Political correctness drives them to pretty much treat a three year old the same as a 90 year old the same as the young male foreigner of Middle Eastern descent.

[llcj]

Yeah, everything is either W's fault or the republican's fault. Yup. Yessirree...

[CharlesD]

No, it's still Bill Clinton's fault. Damn, you're funny!

[jonsmom]

9/11 happened on Bush's watch. Case closed!

[Epijim]

I'll NEVER fly again and I used to fly 3-4 times per year for pleasure just to visit friends! F****** idiots and their "random" searches of my 90 pound blond-blue eyed 65 yr old wife THREE times b-4 allowing on SWA!!

[deleweye]

It's just a replay of the "War on Drugs" with the volume turned to 11: If you can't solve the problem, make a lot of noise somewhere else to make it look like you're doing something. (And incidentally, pay yourself and your friends very well while doing it, and enjoy the hell out of getting to play God with other people's lives.)

[carol]

A colleague of mine was pulled out of line before boarding a SW plane; not searched but questioned and turned away. He's as American as apple pie but he's on some watch list. It's Kafkaesque. He's afraid to fly any more and he doesn't have a clue why he's being persecuted. I have zero sympathy for U.S. airlines.

[peterg76]

The terrorists couldn't care less about the break-down of rule of law in the US. Unless you meant Bush and Cheney.

[dleonard123]

If we simply recognized the fact that all of the airline terrorist acts committed by Islamic extremists have looked like, well, Islamics, we might find one way to help out with our airport efficiency problems. But no, my daughter's backpack will be dumped out and eye brows will be raised when she dares to attempt to carry tiny blunt nose scissors aboard in her little art kit. Political correctness is killing this country.

[Jenny]

You've clearly not given this much thought. What, exactly, does an "Islamist" look like? How do we decide whether someone looks like an "Islamist?" Does a Mexican semi-sorta look like one? I'm half Italian, maybe I look like one? Then again, there are blonde Muslims...what to do?

[dleonard123]

I know an Islamist terrorist is not going to look like that gray haired old lady on her way to Florida for the winter that I saw being patted down at the airport a couple weeks ago. What to do? How about using a little common sense!

[monty]

My sister, an American citizen living in Los Angeles, returned back from a vacation last week. When she arrived at LAX, she was forced into an interrogation room alone with 2 different male "security" person for over an hour. My sister said she was not even allowed to ask why she was being treated this way, she was always cut off with "just answer the question!" The man was also asking her very personal questions that my sister found highly disturbing. She began to worry that she might be locked up or strip-searched if she didn't do exactly as she was told.

After more than an hour of interrogation, she was told that she had to leave the airport immediately and that she could not even claim her bags. If she tried to return to the airport, she would be arrested!! She was absolutely dumbfounded as to why she was being treated like a criminal and being threatened by these rent-a-cops!

For the record, my sister is an RN at a major hospital in L.A., a white girl who was born and raised in the U.S. She did not deserve to be traumatized by a bunch of "security" thugs who basically terrorized her!!!

This is happening a LOT more than people realize, and it's clear that these brain-dead losers with an IQ of 10 are bullying and harassing people everyday, sometimes to the point of murdering them. How many innocent people need to be terrorized or killed before this insanity is stopped????

[boomer1949]

They are no doubt Blackwater rejects.