Get Over Yourselves, Airports
Years ago, we used to have a feature on Politically Incorrect with Bill Maher called "Get Over Yourself." It was given to the person or place most in need of lightening the fuck up. There's nothing that needs to lighten up more than airports -- or more specifically, our national attitude about airports.
I flew back to Los Angeles from Portland, OR last night on an airline that shall remain nameless (hint: the name rhymes with "Horizon Air, a regional carrier for Alaska Airlines"). When my wife and I got to the airport, we were informed that I was checked in but she was in danger of being bumped off the flight because it was oversold. I reacted to this news by informing the agent I felt that this was "unfair." The ticket was pre-purchased. We were traveling together. It was the last flight of the night and we needed to be on it. I was firm but I wasn't overly aggressive -- no cursing, no loud talking, no six vodka tonics before boarding (three, max). Plain and simple, the woman behind the counter was being a derogatory term for the female anatomy. I asked if I could speak to a supervisor, to which she replied, "Go sit down or you can talk to the police." After I wondered aloud if Sting and Stuart Copeland were on the flight, she repeated herself. "Go sit down or you can talk to the police." Yep, she was serious. She was trying to turn a minor disagreement into a jail-worthy confrontation.
On my way back to my chair, Carol Gotbaum popped into my mind. In case you forgot, she's the woman who died while in police custody in the Phoenix airport. She's been on my mind ever since a friend told me last week that he knows the family. And it got me thinking. Is this what it has come to in America? If I dare to demand that a contract I entered into with a service provider be honored, they threaten me with the police? Airports aren't airports anymore. They're Communist China.
If you want evidence that the terrorists have already gone a long way toward achieving their goals, look no farther than American airports. We have become so oversensitive at airports they're close to becoming college campuses. I mean, sure, taser a kid for yelling at John Kerry. If that kid had gone any farther, he could have ignited an open exchange of ideas. And we can't have that at our educational institutions. But don't threaten me with the cops because I want some decent service. Imaging being turned away from a sporting event because they sold your seat twice -- doesn't happen.
In America it seems like we react with senseless emotion first and logic way later, if ever. Think about terrorists in airports. Have they ever gone out of their way to call attention to themselves? No. They do to the opposite. They try to blend in. They HIDE AMONG US. They don't reek of booze or act demanding in line. And by the way, so far, none of them have been 45 year-old soccer moms from the Upper West Side on the way to rehab.
Last night, if I didn't have a couple of kids to get home to, I might have requested that the airline employee call the police. I could have told them that someone was attempting to steal from me. I paid for something and then that person I paid refused to give it to me. You can go to jail for that. I just wanted a cramped seat in coach on a musty airplane with a bunch of farting sleeping old people (I know it was you, lady in the orange sweater).
It's not really airports that need to get over themselves. It's us as a society that has turned these dung heaps of human misery into modern Indian burial grounds -- walk with respect and don't look sideways. The terrorists hit us once. Hard. They changed our way of life. I have the confiscated bottles of Aveda Confixor to prove it. But can we just take a deep breath and realize that even in these bad times, people still have bad days, even at airports. We've suffered enough. Let's not live by the motto "Don't freak out in an airport -- OR YOU MIGHT DIE."
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A friend of mine carried radioactive sources (perfectly legal mind you)through a major US airport yesterday morning without a single TSA security person even asking what they were or were for... but they sure were having fits over bottled water and cologne...
I feel safer already.
The real problem is that airlines have created a travel monopoly. Doesn't matter which one you fly, none are "better" than any other. But if you're trying to get somewhere in a reasonable amount of time, you fly.
The government has created a hostile environment and have made it permissible for some very disgruntled employees to cast off their pledges of customer service. And who can blame them? Honestly, who of you hasn't wished at some point in time you could basically tell a customer or client to go f*ck themselves without fear of repercussion and the threat of jail time?
And while we all still "need" to get where we're going as quickly as possible we won't give up flying. And until a significant amount of people give up flying, the airlines will feel no pressure. And until they feel pressure they won't need to lobby to have the reigns loosened. It's quite simple really.
Perhaps it's time to start pressing the railroad lobby a bit harder for faster alternatives.
One thing for sure, terrorists will never again be able to coordinate a multi-plane attack from any planes that fly out of American airports.
With the high probability of flight delays, passenger bumping, tarmac stranding and general abuse of passengers at large, the timing factor needed to coordinate such an attack no longer exists.
Dont kid yourself. Saudi Arabia has computers to keep pace with the Airline schedules. They can once again take advantage of their 'special status' and 'friendship'.
I have lost 2 bottles of a fairly pricey (for me) sunscreen because, while they were each less than 3.4 oz, they were NOT in a gallon ziploc bag (Did Ziploc pay off someone at TSA or what?). I am sure that the 3 mm or so of plastic surrounding my sunscreen would have gone a long way toward preventing a terrorist incident.
I hate flying. I get tense upon arrival at the airport and stay that way until I am outside the terminal at my destination. But my family lives a 14-hour car ride away. We alternate driving and flying to visit, but the reality is that if we drive, 3 days of our vacation are spent in the car. The problem really is all those states in between - if we could just do away with PA, OH, IN, IL, I'd be fine.
One word.
Xanax.
It's the only way to fly.
Tell your family to move closer to you so you can visit each other more. How dare they put you out!
Guess I've been lucky or I don't fly enough for horror stories or I kinda expect it. At least my airline gave me a voucher for a future flight and compensation for a delayed flight, and the only place I encountered one of those air jet 'sniffers' was for the ferry to the Statue Of Liberty.
I am very much distressed at the increasing use of "old people" as a pejorative. Would you say "a plane full of Chinese people? Short people?" Your bigotry is showing.
Old people, geezers. The Eskimos had the right idea, put them on an ice flow. "Have a nice trip Gramps, say Hi to the polar bears"
You're one of the funniest old people I've ever come across on the internet...
Seriously?
I'd be nice of everyone in this country weren't a bunch of scared little pussies. Maybe we wouldn't be living in a Corporate Fascist state if everyone wasn't so goddamn scared of everything.
We have willingly given up our rights while peeing ourselves. The sooner it all collapses the better, then we can start all over again.
Bush told the world that Americans are COWARDS.
A different president would have told the terrorists that we are not afraid because our Ideas and Ideals are superior and they can never win.
Instead, they see us taking off our shoes at the airport and they laugh and laugh and laugh.
Right on!
And we let him do it.
People complain about the most trivial things. Some nut job tried to blow up a plane with his shoes, so now you have to take your shoes off to go through security. Oh sweet jesus! The terrorists have won! You have to spend 30 seconds taking your shoes off! The fact that we are even having this discussion just show how pampered we are and how great this country is. Do you think anyone in Ethiopia would be crying because they have to take their shoes off at an airport?
Well said and thanks. When entering the U.S. on a flight from Victoria, B.C.in 2003, a 20 minute flight we had to remove our shoes when GETTING OFF THE PLANE, very peculiar AS IT SEEMS APPROPRIATE TO HAVE TO REMOVE THEM GETTING ON THE PLANE if they are to be removed at all. When going to Canada in 2003 from Atlanta, Detroit, Tacoma, Victoria there was no shoe removal intimidation factor which of course is the real reason for the shoe removal, to intimidate a an act to contrition to the for a useless exercise.Just like the bomb scare drills of the 50's which were meant to terrorize children. This drill was nationwide and most tellingly included rural schools which were nowhere near a target. The shoe removal is meant to terrorize everyone, especially adults who subconsciously may have been conditioned to be terrorized by our own government from the bomb scare drill when children.
Excellent points. I've been wondering about those bomb scare films and PSA's from the '50's. The population was shown the horrors of the atomic boms obliterating everything in it's path, yet were told the children would be safe by ducking under wooden desks. Did this not raise any eyebrows at the time? Anyone?
I was the one in sixth grade who ran to the window during the drill. When I was called out by the teacher, I replied, "Duck, hell, I wanna SEE this!"
Dipsticks.
It's not just in America. I was shocked to see at London Heathrow that once you think your carry-on gets screened and you go through the metal detector, you then have to take off your shoes for ANOTHER SCREENING. Do the english have such bad security that they need a seperate machine just for that? With the dropping dollar, huge lines at immigration (took me an hour to get through Heathrow), and overzealous security, it's like they don't want us to travel there. Fine with me.
hehehehe. Yea London Heathrow is the worst. They almost refused my passport a few years back. I had flown from Hamburg to New York, to San Diego, to Mexico, back to San Diego, back to New York, and then to london. No one said anything about my passport, then London almost didn't let me in because it was starting to get a bit tattered in the corner.
Thats the English for you though. I mean, the US was pretty damn stupid to invade Iraq, but at least there were useless excuses like 9/11 (not that that had anything to do with Iraq, but that excuse worked on about half the population) and bush's "he tried to kill my Daddy". The English followed us in with no particular excuse or perceived benefit to their nation. I always thought it was stupider to follow the self serving idiot than to be the self serving idiot. And for the English, it became a self serving prophecy, they pissed of the large muslim minority in their country, and then wound up being attacked by terrorists. Now they have a real threat of terrorism, not just that lip service at the beginning of the US's imperial adventure, ahh, the irony...
If I wasn't planning on marrying a fine US citizen, I must admit I'd probably never come anywhere near a US airport in the present climate of paranoia. The last time I was over, earlier this year - being only the second time I've ever flown - I felt we were being herded like sheep (this was at Chicago). Also, the irony of the notice at the beginning of the long, long queue for Immigration... what it effectively said was, "Welcome to the USA. Give us your fingerprints!". And now I believe your nice Mr Cherthoff, who reminds me of nothing less than a Nazi concentration camp commander, wants to have ALL TEN prints rather than just the two as at present.
Please, folks, have a nice, bloodless revolution, and take your country back from the "elected" terrorists. The rest of the world will be cheering you on!
Peace.
No revolution here will be 'bloodless'. Blackwater will be set upon us in a heartbeat.
I used to love to fly. Heck, in the past going to the airport WAS part of the vacation. Now our airports are run by wannabe Nazi's. I will not set foot into an airport, unless I have to fly across the ocean; and believe me my heart won't be in it!! When I get those cute e-mails with air fare discounts, I get tempted; but then the Nazification of our airports brings me down to earth and I pass on such travel deals. I drive everywhere I go. At least I can see the country side and I don't have airport Nazis playing me like God. Oh did I mention, going through an airport can be hazardous to your health. Remember that poor women that died in Phoenix on the way to Tuscon? Recently, the Canadian Nazis tasered someone to death in a Vancouver airport. I blame the American people for giving into their fears and going along with this nonsense like sheep. "Oh I feel so much better with all this security", or "Well the person that was arrested MUST have done something wrong". No airports for me, unless Americans learn to stop acting like sheep and take back these transportations from the neoNazis that seized our airports. Oh did I mention, my name got put on the "No Fly" list. more hassles for me. But I know, you sheep will probably think I am a potential terrorist. Is it any wonder why I have lost respect for American society and it's people? What sheep!!
Curious comments about more people murdered by airport security than shoe bombers and we are protected from the shoe bombers by the murderers.
Some democracy, eh? Next time you travel,Try the train. Amtrak needs the support.
Arguably there are more terrorist types in Europe than in the States yet if you have travelled through Europe they are lot more at ease about security. I'm sorry you dealt with that and I have had it with the airline industry. I think it is time we built the rail system up for this country again and quit flying.
It's not only the airlines. A few months ago, I was on a Metro-North commuter train leaving Manhattan. The train was full, people were standing in aisles, but the first few cars were locked and closed. The only occupant of the closed cars was a Metro-North employee who was sleeping across three seats. Many passengers asked the conductor to open the additional cars, but he refused. I asked the conductor, quite respectfully, for his name. I told him I wanted to make a customer service complaint. He refused to give it to me "for security reasons." When I looked at his I.D. card hanging from his waist to get his name, he told me that if I looked at his name tag again he would call the Metro-North police, have me taken off the train, and arrested. I thought he was joking, but he was serious. This is the same "security conscious" railroad where the engineers regularly leave open the door to their compartment--containing the controls to the train--whenever they want to talk to a good looking young woman. Any terrorist in a halter top and short skirt could derail the train into Grand Central!
If I didn't have to fly to earn a living, I simply wouldn't fly. It has become hellish for almost everyone involved.
I don't travel to Philadelphia anymore -- possibly the worst airport on the east coast --because I'm tired of being yelled at while standing in line like I'm at boot camp.
People have become too accustomed to this creeping fascism in this country, and most of the airport screening is just for show anyway.
American airport manager;, the greatest fear mongers in the world, about EVERYTHING.
By doing so they get budget increases.
I don't fly and will not unless absolutely necessary.
Here is why:
1- There is no bigger corporate welfare queen than a commercial airline.
2- Flying commercial is a huge waste of fossil fuel and is rarely a time saver unless you are going a long way.
3- Today's airports are like the train stations of Nazi Germany in the old movies.
4- Burning up in a plane crash is not my favorite way to leave this life.
Unless I'm crossing an ocean you will not see me flying commercial again from the US. Up in Canada the Airport storm troopers tazered a man to death recently, so maybe I won't fly. I'm not into being ripped off and treated like a criminal at the same time.
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