Get Over Yourselves, Airports

Years ago, we used to have a feature on Politically Incorrect with Bill Maher called "Get Over Yourself." It was given to the person or place most in need of lightening the fuck up. There's nothing that needs to lighten up more than airports -- or more specifically, our national attitude about airports.

I flew back to Los Angeles from Portland, OR last night on an airline that shall remain nameless (hint: the name rhymes with "Horizon Air, a regional carrier for Alaska Airlines"). When my wife and I got to the airport, we were informed that I was checked in but she was in danger of being bumped off the flight because it was oversold. I reacted to this news by informing the agent I felt that this was "unfair." The ticket was pre-purchased. We were traveling together. It was the last flight of the night and we needed to be on it. I was firm but I wasn't overly aggressive -- no cursing, no loud talking, no six vodka tonics before boarding (three, max). Plain and simple, the woman behind the counter was being a derogatory term for the female anatomy. I asked if I could speak to a supervisor, to which she replied, "Go sit down or you can talk to the police." After I wondered aloud if Sting and Stuart Copeland were on the flight, she repeated herself. "Go sit down or you can talk to the police." Yep, she was serious. She was trying to turn a minor disagreement into a jail-worthy confrontation.

On my way back to my chair, Carol Gotbaum popped into my mind. In case you forgot, she's the woman who died while in police custody in the Phoenix airport. She's been on my mind ever since a friend told me last week that he knows the family. And it got me thinking. Is this what it has come to in America? If I dare to demand that a contract I entered into with a service provider be honored, they threaten me with the police? Airports aren't airports anymore. They're Communist China.

If you want evidence that the terrorists have already gone a long way toward achieving their goals, look no farther than American airports. We have become so oversensitive at airports they're close to becoming college campuses. I mean, sure, taser a kid for yelling at John Kerry. If that kid had gone any farther, he could have ignited an open exchange of ideas. And we can't have that at our educational institutions. But don't threaten me with the cops because I want some decent service. Imaging being turned away from a sporting event because they sold your seat twice -- doesn't happen.

In America it seems like we react with senseless emotion first and logic way later, if ever. Think about terrorists in airports. Have they ever gone out of their way to call attention to themselves? No. They do to the opposite. They try to blend in. They HIDE AMONG US. They don't reek of booze or act demanding in line. And by the way, so far, none of them have been 45 year-old soccer moms from the Upper West Side on the way to rehab.

Last night, if I didn't have a couple of kids to get home to, I might have requested that the airline employee call the police. I could have told them that someone was attempting to steal from me. I paid for something and then that person I paid refused to give it to me. You can go to jail for that. I just wanted a cramped seat in coach on a musty airplane with a bunch of farting sleeping old people (I know it was you, lady in the orange sweater).

It's not really airports that need to get over themselves. It's us as a society that has turned these dung heaps of human misery into modern Indian burial grounds -- walk with respect and don't look sideways. The terrorists hit us once. Hard. They changed our way of life. I have the confiscated bottles of Aveda Confixor to prove it. But can we just take a deep breath and realize that even in these bad times, people still have bad days, even at airports. We've suffered enough. Let's not live by the motto "Don't freak out in an airport -- OR YOU MIGHT DIE."

Comments

[pfc1369]

You say U.S.airpor­ts have become "Communist China."
I've flown in and out of China dozens of times in the past couple of decades, and I prefer their airports hands down over what they've become here in Freedom's Land.

[cynara]

I lived in China, back in the day. The authorities and bureaucrats I dealt with were no worse than anywhere else in the world. Some were jerks, but generally they were more jaded and bitter than truly authoritarian. Honestly, I've seen more authority figures in the US, from police, to immigration, to airline employees, and private security guards, on more power trips, and enjoying them more, than officials in China.

[nomoredead]

Flew in and out of Doha and Dubai in July....a piece of cake...no photo ID..leave your shoes on....don'­t open anything up...leave your belt on.. very nice.

[SeenItBefore]

I agree. Two short stories... a few years back I and a friend were flying from New Orleans to Dallas. Approaching our landing, the attendant announced the "seat backs and tray tables up". My friend was asleep on my shoulder and as I woke her up, the attendant turned, pointed her finger at me and repeated the message in a loud voice. I mentioned we were trying to do as she asked when she barked, "NOW, DO IT NOW!". After landing I was detained by airport security. Fortunately, the plane contained almost 100 employees of the same company, many of whom, verified our experience. We were released. The unnamed airline started with "A".

Two years back we flew from Texas to Honduras. As a building contractor, I carry a small knife and put it in my pocket every morning. I have done this for 30+ years. On the morning we left for the airport - at 3 a.m. - for our 9 a.m. flight, I did the same... put the knife in my pocket.

Local airport security, not a peep, Houston Intercontiental, no buzz, San Pedro Sula, nada. Finally, after 6 trips through the Islanea portial for food and drink - BUZZ! This startled the sleeping 12 year old dressed in cammy and holding a M-16, who rushes over to the gate where I am sheepishly handing over my penknife. The attendant waved him off and offered to check the knife, but I chose to make it a gift to him. Smiles were exchanged and we were on our way to Roatan.

In the good old USA, this would have involved armed security, NSA, FBI, getting necked and a couple of goons snapping on rubber gloves.

[ADunafraid]

It is one big money grab by the government.
Every single ticket still has a $2.50 surcharge for security since 9-11.

[HotheadPaisen]

Actually the airlines have been tacking on 'security' money since the flight went down over Scotland.. wonder who's pockets that all went into. Certainly didn't buy any security with it.

[drblack]

Unless your lively hood depends on it ( and Even then) don't fly.
Americans should stop giving money to all these companies who feel they have us by the throat.
The big telecoms ,cable and sat. coms etc.......­.stop giving them cash .
People lived for a long time without most of the stuff we feel is sooo important : but it is not. If you have your health you are ontop.
The big companies which pervert our government and treat us like scum and still take our money need to be slapped down hard.
Some foreign people I know say Americans are too soft, spoiled and addicted to technology to do these things but I disagree.
Are you a soft spoiled tech addict? If not give up this stuff for awhile.

[JAG]

You can start with cable TV. I disconnected from cable service years ago when I discovered I was PAYING to watch the same commercials my neighbors were getting for FREE on an antenna.

I am willing to put up with the endless streams of "clap-trap" commercials on free TV. But when I have to shell out 100 + bucks a month on cable to watch the same commercial-crap every 30 seconds, well, that's my limit.

In Europe, commercials are relegated in-between the primary shows. This means no commercial breaks during the telecast. As well, the commercials are limited to maybe three to five and you pay a quarter monthly of what we pay here in the States. If you have ever noticed, the ATTENTION-SPAN of most Europeans is longer and the overall education level is higher. Why? Because they are raised from birth at being able to "concentrate" on a telecast without being bombarded with mindless commercials continually breaking their concentration.

If you are going to make a "personal statement" against the corporations, start where it hurts the most. STOP paying for cable service that collects on both ends. You pay monthly for the service and station connections, but then the cable providers collect on the other side from the non-stop advertisements they feed you.

Like I said, I fully understand being subjected to mindless commercials if I am not paying a monthly bill. But to PAY TO WATCH commercials is just plain stupid!

Next time you sit behind your TV, take a look at the next commercial and tell yourself; "I just paid them to tell me how clean my teeth can be!" ..........­..........­..

[rabun666]

Actually they are telling you that your teeth are rotten and your breath stinks.Not to worry the next ad will be for Zoloft after an string of Ads tell us all that we look, smell bad, our cars are old, clothes are outdated and so on. These ads are meant to make us become the narcissistic consumerist gluttons that we are by first making us depressed and then get an antidepressant so that we be able to go shopping.

[Jezdukowski]

Well said, Jag. I've felt this way for a long time and finally gave up my cable 3 months ago - best move EVER! I find I can focus on my work and leisure tasks much better. Still, you should see the looks I get when I tell someone I don't have cable - it's almost impossible for Americans to imagine a life without TV.

[deedrdo]

there's this new fangled invention called TIVO. you should try it. you'll like it.

[AmericaIsATerroist]

Strange thing is, with all you're put through at U.S. Airports, it's amazing what you can still just walk through with. In the past 6 months or so, I've developed some tendonitis in my right wrist and hand. To help strengthen it when the brace is not on I carry around a wad of green play-doh to squeeze and manipulate. It wasn't until I got on the plane coming out of Vegas that I realized that I had it in my hand the whole time and nobody said a thing. Frightened the shit out of me because a wad of C4 or Semtex of that size ( little bigger than a golf ball), stuck to the interior wall or worse, the cockpit door, could easily do enough damage to take an airliner out of the sky if set off at altitude. Safety and control is nothing more than an illusion.

The only way to stop it completely is to force everyone to be escorted to the airport by armed Air Marshalls in an APC, be x-rayed, then fly naked in a bare aircraft, herc strapped to the floor and sedated for the duration with no luggage of any kind allowed. A SWAT team would replace the cabin crew. A pair of electronic warfare aircraft should also fly sweep and escort for every commercial flight to gaurd against a shoulder launched missile attack. A couple of EA-6B Prowlers loaded for bear should do the trick nicely. Then and only then will we be completely safe in the air*. You should also purchase tickets AT LEAST six months in advance in order to allow for the extensive NSA/FBI background check.

*-Does not cover "Acts of God", Pilot Error, and/or mechanical failure.

[rc2250]

The so called security is just one more example of republican attempts to take our freedom and convert us back into slaves.

The TSA goons have become the muscle for heavy handed airlines and ensure profitability and compliance for airline misdeeds.

While I am no terrorist and do not believe in killing innocent people, it is far too easy to bring down an airliner. There are thousands upon thousands of ways to destroy an airplane and the idiots of TSA are incapable of interdicting such threats. If we allow TSA to continue down their path, they will in effect do more damage than Bin Laden. Any determined intelligent individual can circumvent security measure and destroy or kill. That is just the way it is and there really is nothing that can be done about it. The best approach is to not p1ss off people so much that they want to kill you, but that is another story.

We need new leadership and that means anything BUT God damned Republicans. Eliminate TSA as it now exists. Arm the pilots, do background checks on suspicious individuals and let’s get back to what our country used to be.

[kingofscotts]

So you read this post and come away convinced that it's the Republicans trying to turn you into a slave?

You don't engage in much critical thinking do you?

So when a Dem is elected President in a little over a year this is all going to change right? Hardly.

You are turning yourself into a slave of your own conspiracy theories.

[rabun666]

The purpose of the TSA and DHS is to control the domestic population. More innocent people have been killed by airport security than shoe bombers.Sh­oe removal is to make the population contrite to the government like a clan of hyenas are to the alfa female hyena which rules the clan.They assume a posture lower than the alpha and grovel around whining much the same we do when removing shoes for the TSA alpha types.

[rabun666]

Don't worry the terrorists will be obvious by the bombs they have strapped around their midsection with a bulging coat or sweater. They are too stupid to use semtex or c4.

[realitytrumpsbull]

Oh, and final note: How OLD are you? Carlin said it best, once you hit 40, turn that thing around (your hat).

[realitytrumpsbull]

I think when you fly, you need to remember to
pack your manners and your patience along with
that extra pair of socks. I just got done
traveling, and in the process of trading
between superflyingtubes at points far and
distant, I encountered pretty much the same
thing at every place I landed/started out from.

Courtesy is a two-way street, you get what you
give, and in a lot of cases, if you try to
at least be civil, smile, stuff like that,
chances are you'll get that back. If you walk
in with a chip on YOUR shoulder, which from
the sound of the article it kind of sounds like
you did, then chances are you'll get some
reciprocity there, too.

Commuting has always been a bear, I've been
on airplanes since I was in single digits,
drag your luggage here, give this paper to
that person, show that paper to this person,
sit here, wait there, pay 6 dollars for french
fries THERE, but miraculously, people tend to
get where they need to go for the most part,
providing everything goes right. That's the
price you pay for getting to go Real Fast,
at speeds the local yokels at the 1/4 mile
strip can only dream of AND drink a cup of
coffee and read a magazine at the same time.

I have ONE gripe about flying, one thing that
I would change, and that's the amount of
legroom in economy. I know that's a biggie
because they're trying to economize, but
my knee starts to hurt after I've been
in the upright and locked position for a
certain amount of time, and figuring out
how to add 2 inches isn't going to put the airline out of business. If it does, they
were headed that way to begin with.

I read that the prices are coming down
on the little private planes, though,
so if you think you can do a better job,
and don't mind doing all the work involved
in maintaining and operating a slow, noisy
single-engine plane, sky's the limit...

[rc2250]

While I do fly the "slow" planes and do avoid commercial flights when practical, I'm not the nutless PAX you seem to be. I bet TSA could stick a cattle prod where the sun doesn’t shine and you wouldn’t say a word. You are a good sheeple.

As far as the airspace, while I'd love to take my plane everywhere, there just doesn’t seem to be enough airspace to go around. You see, for our country to move efficiently, we need to share that airspace. I have a right to that airspace just as you have a right to it.

Now if you really want to see some delays, watch me fly my little slow airplane into JFK or LAX. I can drag in a final at 50 knots and watch the holding pattern stack up behind me. Ever see a go around done at JFK?

Be careful what you wish for....

[rabun666]

Your obedience is underwhelming.

[Justnkz]

We need to use our power of the purse to stop this madness. Just stop buying things we don't absolutely need. Vote with your wallet! No TV's, cars restaurants, movies, etc. until we get things changed..i­t can happen.

[HotheadPaisen]

But...but.­.. W said it would all be better if we would only keep shopping ... and visit Florida!

[rabun666]

What, you means stop being the narcissistic consumerist gluttons that we have been trained to be! Outrageous, my narcissistic consumerist gluttony is why we have an army and nukes to protect the profits of the corporations that profit from my narcissistic consumerist gluttony and I won't disappoint them.

[dobberdoss]

sorry, prevail!

[dobberdoss]

I cant believe my first comment got censored!, what crock of shit this website is becoming.

[NWGuy]

The airports also play a role in the "Keep America afraid" game this administration loves so much. As we stand in line to take off our shoes, get patted down, puffed and x-rayed, the idea is to "reassure" us of the great security provided by DHS. What it really is, is a great way to always keep everyone afraid. Just going through the security process reminds everyone of the "terrorist threats" that can attack at any time, anywhere.

The reality is that it is a sign of failure. 6 years after 9/11 we still can't feel safe within our own borders. After 6 years we still have to be surrendering rights and liberties. After 6 years, as noted above, people have become so afraid that any disagreement or challenge results in calling out the troops instead of resolving the situation as adults.

[ShanghaiGuy]

"Airports aren't airports anymore. They're Communist China."


Mr. Case, although I absolutely agree with you, I'd just like to mention that in fact, airports here in China are generally much more relaxed and efficient than in the US.

Really! Jame's Fallows, who until last week lived in Shanghai, recently blogged about this.

http://tinyurl.com/ytqokd

Excerpt:
"I am a fan of Chinese domestic air travel. The airplanes, Airbuses or Boeings, are new enough and safe-seeming, unlike the alarming Soviet-made castoffs we rode here in the mid-1980s. The attendants are chipper. It's hard to be sure, but the pilots seem fine. Every flight I’ve been on has offered a hot meal, and by U.S. airline standards the food is great. Buying tickets is easy – you can walk into the airport and pay in cash, or order online through a unique high-tech/low-tech process I’ll describe some other day. Flights in China are usually late, but they’re late everywhere.

Most amazing of all, the airport experience itself – a phrase that makes you feel bad just hearing it in America – is as low-stress as it can be. Check-in lines move fast – OK, there’s no “line,” but once you get in the spirit you can fight your way up pretty quickly. Getting through security takes five or ten minutes tops."

[twocents]

How many terrorist attacks have been prevented by the new airport security procedures, the wire-tapping, and the torture policies? None. It's incredible that most Americans remain clueless as to the real purpose behind these tactics. Freedom doesn't belong to cowards, so it's oh so easy to take it away from them, one step at a time.

[LIR]

...especia­lly when we learn that wire tapping began way before September 11, shortly after Bush took office...o­f course it begs the question, if they were looking for terrorists, why didn't they catch the 19 hijackers with their wiretaps if they started it pre-9/11? Something is fishy.

[monstabunny]

Trains are quite pleasant.

[iburl]

I agree. Seeing one of these TSA flunkies "wanding" my 2 year old daughter was my last straw.

It also pisses me off that you can have 5 bottles of 2.3 ounces of liquid, but only in a sandwich bag. If you try to bring in one bottle that is 2.4 ounces of liquid you have to be felt up by these TSA former trailer trash psychos.

[LIR]

Assine regulations. I use to love to fly. Now I hate it.

[BARRISTER]

Had the same experience;
my 2 year old son was selected to be scrutinized,ie: the whole 9 yards. it was the most traumatic experience. Real threat a 2 year old can be. Yet, real live Terrorists like bush and Cheney ( think I am being hyperbolic, see the definition of "terrorism" and reflect on their actions) dont have to go through Security, like they both avoided military service in Vietnam.

[rabun666]

Its a requirement to be qualified for the TSA job.

[AnotherunhappyDemocrat]

Flying these days has become such a miserable experience. If it weren't necessary for me to fly a few times/year, I wouldn't. Let them all rot! Indeed they f' up and get angry with you for wanting an explanation. Seriously, they should rot!