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If Toddlers Ruled the World

Naps would be banned and only free-sleep (the act of naturally falling asleep, such as comfortably in a car seat or face down in a cereal bowl) would be permissible, though still frowned upon.
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Chris Cate is a comedy writer, host of The ParentNormal Comedy Podcast, author of The ParentNormal Crash Course, father of three and sleeper of none.

Chris Cate is a comedy writer, host of The ParentNormal Comedy Podcast, author of The ParentNormal Crash Course, father of three and sleeper of none.
This post was published on the now-closed HuffPost Contributor platform. Contributors control their own work and posted freely to our site. If you need to flag this entry as abusive, send us an email.

Thankfully, mommas make sure toddlers don't rule the world. But if toddlers did rule the world...

  1. We would all live in blanket-tent cities.

  • The five-second rule would be extended to five days.

  • Stairs would be replaced with slides.

  • Every book would be declared a coloring book.

  • Restaurants would have signs that read, "No Shirt, No Shoes, Service!"

  • Animal sounds would become an acceptable, if not preferable, form of human communication.

  • Clothing would be optional.

  • Snacks would be served 24 hours a day and dessert would be considered a healthy alternative to breakfast, lunch, dinner and second dinner, which would be the most important meal of the day.

  • Naps would be banned and only free-sleep (the act of naturally falling asleep, such as comfortably in a car seat or face down in a cereal bowl) would be permissible, though still frowned upon.

  • Everyone would get a special treat for going potty on the toilet or in a diaper.

    • This post originally appeared on www.parentnormal.com

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