Parenting, The Most Important Job You'll Ever Have

How much training would you expect someone to have before you would trust them to look after your child? People who look after children in schools and nurseries have to have at least a year of training. But what about the preparation and support we receive as new parents?

Raising a child is one of the most important jobs any of us will ever do, and yet we don't get any formal training. Obviously, I'm not suggesting that parents need a qualification to raise their children. But a little extra support would be nice, wouldn't it?

The NSPCC recently released new evidence showing as many as two in five new moms say they are struggling to cope with the demands of looking after their newborn baby. Over a half of new moms (57%) felt isolated with no one to turn to and a fifth said they were frequently "very upset" by their baby's crying in the first eight weeks after birth.

Pregnancy is the ideal time to prepare for parenthood. This is a great time to offer moms and dads advice and support, especially if they're anxious about what lies ahead. Our survey showed that almost three quarters (72%) of all new mothers would have liked more professional advice before their baby was born. They wanted more information on how to deal with anxiety, fear and depression, the effects of their own sleep deprivation and how to cope with their baby's crying and sleeplessness.

Sadly, it is an opportunity that is often missed. Many parents don't get the chance to attend antenatal education in the UK.

In 2010, a large scale Oxford University study of maternity services for the Department of Health found that 32% of new mothers weren't offered antenatal education -- and that there were substantial variations between different parts of the country in what was offered. Our own YouGov survey shows that there is a social profile to this too: whilst two thirds (65%) of new moms from advantaged backgrounds (Social classes ABC1) had attended antenatal education classes, only two fifths (39%) of less advantaged (C2DE) moms had done so.

And even when parents make it to antenatal classes they often don't learn much about how to be a parent and to nurture their baby. Studies repeatedly show that antenatal education focuses "on labour and birth and fails to address parent's need in relation to the reality of new parenthood." Thankfully, the Department of Health is now trying to address this.

We know that being a new parent can be tough, and that the way children are cared for is critically important; early interactions with parents lay the foundations for babies' future development. So we urgently need to get better at preparing parents to be the best they can. The positive impact that good parenting can have on babies' development is just as important as the practicalities of birth.

Assuming all parents will naturally be able to nurture their babies is misguided, and it means we aren't giving parents the support they want and need. This must change. It's clear that parenting can be difficult, and that leaving parents to struggle can be damaging for babies. We have to ensure that better support is available for all parents, to help them to get parenting right, from the start.

Find out more about how the NSPCC is helping to protect babies at: http://bit.ly/NSPCCbabies.

 

Follow Chris Cuthbert on Twitter: www.twitter.com/@NSPCC

Comments

[MaMaBass]

06:42 AM on 05/23/2012

Thank you Mum. Thank you Nanny. Thank you Grammy. I can only be grateful to my Mother and Grandmothers for raising me as SAHM's. They nurtured the heck outta me. I turned out a little spoiled XD Also if i didn't have just about 9 months to prepare for all the other stuff i would lose my mind! ;)

[geauxangel]

09:50 PM on 05/17/2012

I can only speak of what I see around myself, but it seems that girls don't babysit like they did when I was growing up....I was the go to neighborhood babysitter at the age of 12..only way to earn money back then....but it also gave me lots of experience by the time I had my first child at age 22...girls these days have a lot more options as far as jobs at a younger age....I am grateful that I had the experience and wish more girls (and boys) could get this same experience.....outside of this, or having younger siblings, I know it must be hard for first time parents getting their first taste of childcare when they are handed their newborn in the delivery room..

[carolewke]

03:19 PM on 05/15/2012

Preparation for parenthood should start even earlier.

80% of all Americans become parents.

Changes in American society have made the
parenting role more challenging. Adjustments in
family life offer young people fewer chances to
learn good parenting solely by observation at home.

An alarming number of children are at risk of being
abused, neglected or otherwise poorly nurtured
by inadequately prepared or supported parents.
Neglected or abused children are prone to
perpetuate this cycle by becoming adults without
resources for healthy parenting. Inadequate
parenting contributes to teen pregnancy, depression,
addictions, academic failure, delinquency and later
violent criminal behavior

A COMPREHENSIVE SOLUTION:
Reverse this trend by
helping ensure that all children and teens are
prepared for the responsibilities of future parenting.

Promote the learning of parenting, nurturing and relationship
skills as an essential curriculum element in grades
K-12, as well as through community organizations
and other youth settings.

Carol Lewke
Preparetomorrowsparents.org

[beexm]

06:10 AM on 05/15/2012

I truly feel like majority of the parents that would actually be concerned with proper nurturing and such as would be the same ones to seek out additional information on their own and take the initiative to finds classes themselves. Not judging anyone's parenting skills, but it seems like the people who would make the best parents would be the same ones who cared enough to inform themselves as best as possible in the first place.

[Erika Christine]

03:50 AM on 05/15/2012

Our society is in the toilet which means this generation of parents are likely adult-children from not so great parenting so how do you expect these adults who are still mentally children to take care of their children. We are all doomed!

[Amber Grifka Braud]

12:35 PM on 05/19/2012

That's ridiculous. I am a parent of 5 children who are healthy, happy, nurtured, and loved. The oldest 4 have all scored above benchmark in school (the youngest is only 11 months). They are being taught morals and responsibility. Not all parents of this generation are "adult-children from not so great parenting". We don't / won't all fail as parents.

[Jennifer Erin]

12:39 AM on 05/15/2012

Are we forgetting the the percentage of these new mothers are teenagers now-a-days though? I am 19 with a 2 year old but some of the girls around me are absolutely ridiculous. That's why they cant cope, they still want people to listen to their crying and whining. Maybe they should do that study in women 21+ and then in women under 21 and see what the results come to show.

[ae12wrangell]

11:36 PM on 05/14/2012

I am not a parent, so all I can do is guess, and tell you what actually happened in a few situations with my several aunts' children.

1) Newbornes don't come with instructions. A lot of first-time parents will have asked his/her own Mom for advice as to what to do. For all I know, I may have been accidentally stabbed in the butt with a pin as my diaper was being changed

2) Upon aging, children will say the damndest things. I was maybe 5 years old and outside playing. A neighbor who was also playing said the immortal F word. Since I had no idea what that meant, my first instinct was to run inside my own house an inquire. So the following was said"Mommy? Is f%$# a curse?' Mom answered 'It is. I want you to go back outside, but promise me that you will never talk like that again.' Because I lived in Queens County, NY. cursing became a part of the English language (Why should George Carlin have ALL the fun?)

[Jewelie0212]

11:12 PM on 05/14/2012

i have found that no matter how many babies i went through with all of my friends and family..i still was not 100% prepared to be a mommy! i also wish that i would have taken advantage of the FREE parenting classes offered at the hospital that delivered my baby. however i will be the first to admit that i, like most people, thought i knew what to expect. well its COMPLETELY different when you cant play with them and then give them back to their mommy when your ready to sleep, eat, shower, or do anything! that all being said, other than taking the classes, i wouldnt change a thing because i love my baby girl!!!!!!!!

[mspat44417]

09:41 PM on 05/14/2012

Have none of these people heard of a book store...How many child care books are written like 100s or the internet .....If a person is that stupid that they can't find some books or videos to read about child care maybe they shouldn't have kids...I'm sure there 's one of those Babies for dummys books or friends and parents....

[hharrison22]

07:48 PM on 05/14/2012

As a child psychologist and a mom, I've spent lots of time discussing what I think is "wrong" with our generation of parents (myself included). Here's one of the biggest differences that I think exists and that is that we are the generation who have all been to therapy and blame our parents for our mistakes. So, when the table is turned and we have children of our own, we are terrified of "damaging" them in the way we feel our parents "damaged" us. I talk more about it here:
http://www.themommypsychologist.com/2012/02/26/whats-wrong-with-us/

[gizz4mo1]

02:07 AM on 05/15/2012

That is true, and I like how to put it. In my opinion though, no matter what you do a parent will "damage" their kid in some way. I think a lot of new parents just stress too much....they use society as a rule book, but they dont realize that what works for one kid may not work for another.

[hharrison22]

05:40 PM on 05/15/2012

Yep. I tell my husband all the time that every time we make a donation in the kiddos collection fund, we should put an equal amount in his therapy fund:)

[Amber Grifka Braud]

12:40 PM on 05/19/2012

There is absolutely no one who is the perfect parent and we shouldn't strive to be. Perfection is not part of human nature. We need to do the best for our children. We need to teach them morals and responsibility. We do not need to teach them that the world revolves solely around them (which I believe many parts of attachment parenting does exactly that). That is setting them up for extreme disappointment in the real world. My opinion :)

[cpeirce14]

06:05 PM on 05/14/2012

Having babies is tough, but raising children is tougher. I am a preschool teacher and I comment everyday about how today's parents should have to attend classes on parenting!! Parents do not know how to say no, they don't know how to raise their voices and show authority and they certainly do not follow through on what they say, for example, we are leaving the store if you don't stop crying, 10-15 minutes later the child is still crying and they are still in the store! Cute preschoolers aren't so cute when they turn 12 and 13 and are still doing the same things like not listening to their parent and hitting them..

[mspat44417]

09:43 PM on 05/14/2012

It's not that they don't know they just don't care because it's to much trouble for them to parent...

[cpeirce14]

07:02 AM on 05/15/2012

You are sooo right! People dont realize how exhausting parenting is, and with so many children being raised by daycares parents become more and more removed from their necessary parenting duties. (my children were in daycare, but I made an effort to parent when they were in my care)

[berrygal66]

10:23 PM on 05/14/2012

Adults do not know how to do anything anymore because somewhere along the line, the media told them they knew nothing. I am so sick of self-help books, child rearing books and Dr. Phil. For centuries, we solved our own problems and took care of our own lives privately. People can't say no anymore because thye have become too indecisive. I genuinely feel for today's parents. Most are pathetic.

[gizz4mo1]

02:08 AM on 05/15/2012

agreed, a lot of people go by whatever society tells them to without thinking for themselves

[pslcitizen]

03:57 PM on 05/14/2012

The title says it all...

[Denise Ellis Hooks]

03:11 PM on 05/14/2012

I had the advantage of getting a degree in early childhood education before I got married and started having my babies. The Moms of the children I cared for at the preschool/daycare I worked at would comment on how much more prepared I would be when I did have children ( I got pregnant with my first child while working there) and now many years later, I know I really did have a huge advantage. I knew what to look for , and what to expect. My advice for couples even thinking about having children is don't wait to inform and educate yourselves. I think some of the best books out there are the "What to Expect" series of books. The "What to Expect when you're Expecting" book was like a Bible to me while I was pregnant. Knowledge is power and will make you a much better parent. But don't wait until you are pregnant, start reading and researching before you are pregnant.

[victorzeller]

02:34 PM on 05/14/2012

Every person even thinking about having a baby should go through a parenting class/classes for a minimum of a year.

[jgamble28]

05:48 PM on 05/14/2012

I agree with you completly.

[berrygal66]

10:24 PM on 05/14/2012

I totally disagree. Classes, self-help books, Dr. Phil, etc... have destroyed this country. Everyone has become an incapable loser.