Note: The following contains spoilers if you have not seen Season 3, Episode 20 of CBS's "The Good Wife," entitled, "Pants On Fire."
Alicia Florrick, I think you need me to be your sassy gay friend because, "What, what WHAT are you doing!?" OK, let's rewind.
"The Good Wife's" "Pants On Fire" picks up right where "Blue Ribbon Panel" ended: Alicia vs. Jackie. Jackie's pursed lips are in full force, as is Alicia's cold gaze. It's on! Jackie played innocent and told Alicia she was just trying to do something nice for the kids and Peter ... and basically, push Alicia out of their lives. You know, typical monster-in-law activities. This recap might turn into just a bunch of random quotes because I loved so many of them, like this exchange:
"I'm stopping you." - Alicia
"I'm not really sure how you'll do that." - Jackie
"I'm a lawyer. Watch me." - Alicia
Jackie has been the little villain in the corner for much of the series, so as a viewer from the beginning, having her become the full-fledged baddie was so very rewarding. Alicia hired Kalinda to find out where Jackie got the money -- Zach and Grace's trust! -- but just as she's rubbing it in Jackie's face, the old lady had to go and say she had a stroke. It seems the stress of Peter finally standing up to her (there's a reason he made HuffPost TV's list of mama's boys) was too much for her to handle. A skeptical Alicia wasn't buying it, even when she walked into the hospital room. With a creepy, skeletal finger, Jackie beckoned Alicia to her bedside and whispered, "I forgive you." Like the viewers, Alicia had quite the "WTF?" face on. Forgives her for what? Indirectly causing the stroke? Everything? Their feud is crazy fun to watch.
The main procedural part of the show wasn't very thrilling. "The Good Wife" took on bullying, but what could have been a compelling case was sidelined by the many other busier stories going on. From Alicia vs. Jackie to Alicia vs. Mike, there was a tad bit too much happening. In the end, Alicia got her client out of jail, dropped hints about Cary's potential return to Lockhart/Gardner and Will spent some time with other disbarred/suspended lawyers.
Over on the campaign side of things ... Eli and Vanessa reunited for a political marriage (with sex!), but all that was moot. After Mike Kresteva announced he's running for governor, the Democratic committee forced Eli to pick between Peter and Vanessa. Peter won out. Goodbye, Parker Posey!
Speaking of Mike Kresteva, he's so slimy, right!? He used the events of "Blue Ribbon Panel" to both slam Alicia and Peter and launch is gubernatorial campaign. Not one to let dastardly people get away with things, Alicia confronted Mike about his lies ... and it kind of backfired in her face. She's now his No. 1 target. "Peter, you enter the race, I can promise you one thing: You might not regret it, but your wife will." Matthew Perry, you dog.
"Run, Peter. You'd be a good governor." Now back to the "WHAT are you doing?" moment. Alicia told Eli she would help Peter win and there she is, by his side, hand-in-hand at this press conference. Alicia, what have you gotten yourself into?
Gasp count: Four.
Follow Chris Harnick on Twitter: www.twitter.com/chrisharnick