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Chris Kelly
Chris Kelly's new book is Downton Tabby. It's sort of like Downton Abbey with cats. The more you think about it, the more you realize that it's the perfect Christmas gift.

Entries by Chris Kelly

'The Hateful Eight' and Twenty-Six Other Films Where Worse Things Happen to Jennifer Jason Leigh

(0) Comments | Posted December 27, 2015 | 4:53 AM

I would have given a lot to see Jennifer Jason Leigh in Cabaret a few years ago, but I'm probably going to skip the new Tarantino movie, The Hateful Eight. If I wanted to spend three hours hearing fake cowboys say the N-word in the snow, I'd change planes in...

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Donald Trump Live Tweets FDR's Day of Infamy Speech

(0) Comments | Posted December 7, 2015 | 12:27 PM

Yesterday, December 7, 1941 - a date which will live in infamy - the United States of America was suddenly and deliberately attacked by naval and air forces of the Empire of Japan.

Donald J. Trump ‏@realDonaldTrump
Out-of-touch president refuses to say "radical Shintuism." WEAK!

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What Don't We Get About Donald Trump's Humor?

(6) Comments | Posted November 28, 2015 | 5:44 AM

Donald Trump is catching a certain amount of flack in the gotcha media this week for an act of satirical pantomimicry he performed, imitating a man with a congenital musculoskeletal disorder. I'm not sure if it will help or hurt Trump's political chances. It would be grossly insincere for me...

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A Sunday Thought on the Syrian Refugees

(0) Comments | Posted November 22, 2015 | 12:08 PM

There's always a good reason not to help someone if you think about it hard enough. The drowning child in the riptide? Who's to say if you pulled her out that she wouldn't grow up to take drugs? Yes, at first glance the parable of the Good Samaritan seems to...

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All Our Jettas

(6) Comments | Posted September 20, 2015 | 3:24 PM

I'm a jerk about the environment. I'm a compulsive turner-off of appliances and turner-down of air conditioning and unplugger of adapters. My television and my computers are plugged into power bars that I switch off, to inconvenience my children and make my wife lose unsaved changes to her documents. I...

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Mike Huckebee Stands Up for the Duggars... and Jeb Bush?

(8) Comments | Posted May 22, 2015 | 5:37 PM

No one ever said the Duggars were perfect except the Duggars. Well, not perfect, just better than you. So, while it might be ghoulish fun to read that their show has been removed from TLC's schedule, I remind myself that forgiveness is an obligation, at least in my faith. I...

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Wait a Second, Is 'Let It Go' About Farting?

(2) Comments | Posted March 3, 2014 | 12:21 PM

Did you hear that Frozen song on the Oscars last night? Did something smell funny about it to you?

Listen, I'm no expert. I'm just a concerned parent, like you. I trust the Disney name when my daughters are choosing a movie at the mall. I see that name, and...

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12 Reviews of 'Endless Love' That Make Me Concerned About My Garbage Man Screenplay 'Piece of Garbage'

(0) Comments | Posted February 14, 2014 | 2:49 AM

New York Post
" ... endlessly lame ..."

San Francisco Chronicle
"... too much endless and not enough love ..."

Boston Globe
"... Zefferelli's version... made you feel the love. This pallid replay just seems endless ..."

Digital Spy
"... seemingly endless ..."

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Happy Birthday Richard Rohmer!

(0) Comments | Posted January 24, 2014 | 11:10 AM

Richard Rohmer turns 90 today. The major-general (ret.) is Canada's most decorated inhabitant, which makes him sound like some sort of Christmas tree, but he isn't. He's a novelist, historian and the former chancellor of the University of Windsor. He flew fighter planes in World War II and Korea, and...

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Downton Tabby Recap Episode II

(0) Comments | Posted January 13, 2014 | 2:44 PM

Even in a fantasy world like Downton Tabby, sometimes shocking, sickening, horrible things happen, just like in real life. This week, a wonderful house party is ruined when someone brings an Australian.

The Australian, Yelli Munchkin, performs Dvorak until Mary cries, Tom gets drunk and Mrs. Patmore has a...

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Downton Tabby Season 4 Premiere Recap

(0) Comments | Posted January 6, 2014 | 12:03 PM

Winter, 1922

Meanwhile at Downton Tabby, death continues to take every character even a little prettier than Lady Minxy. First her pretty baby sister Servil, then her even prettier husband, Matthmew. It's very sad, not to say awfully suspicious. The other cats at Downton are concerned that Minxy isn't spending...

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Quiz: Downton Abbey or The Wolf of Wall Street?

(1) Comments | Posted January 3, 2014 | 8:26 PM

If you like repetitive stories about wealthy people -- and who doesn't? -- you have two options this weekend: The Wolf of Wall Street and Downton Abbey. Pick 'em: Martin Scorsese's latest celebration of frenzied New Yorkers shouting threats at each other on drugs, or the season premiere of Julian...

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The Top 17 News Stories of 2013 With Analysis by a Newser Commenter

(2) Comments | Posted December 28, 2013 | 4:13 AM

I'm a busy man, and I like my news in 50-to-100-word chunks, like fragments of Sappho. So I couldn't get by without the news aggregation site Newser. Their motto is "Read Less Know More," which is also my daughter Gretchen's approach to AP English, and we'll see how far she...

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11 Things to Never Say to a Man Whose Head Has Been Sheared Off by a Sheet of Glass

(2) Comments | Posted December 18, 2013 | 7:30 AM

By some estimates, over half of the Internet is now used for lists of things not to say to people. 9 Things Not to Say to a Stay-at-Home Mom (Woman's Day), 13 Things You Should Never Say to a Working Mom (HLNtv), 10 Things Never to Say to a Formula-Feeding...

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Going Negative

(5) Comments | Posted December 12, 2013 | 7:12 AM

I'm going negative. I didn't want to do it -- no one ever wants to do it -- but it has to be done. I owe it to myself, my supporters and to America. Plus going negative works. Republicans and Democrats spent $6 billion on the 2012 elections, and almost...

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Drones and Bookstores

(20) Comments | Posted December 6, 2013 | 4:39 AM

I've been thinking about that 60 Minutes story, about Amazon's delivery drones, on and off all week. I feel like there was a time -- before Lara Logan started believing Baron Münchhausen tales about Benghazi -- when 60 Minutes didn't just broadcast everything anyone told them. But maybe I live...

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The Most Evil Cat in Movies Is Back

(2) Comments | Posted November 25, 2013 | 5:48 AM

You can't keep a bad cat down. The makers of the official James Bond movies just settled a long-running legal battle with the estate of a producer who claimed he owned the rights to Bond's archenemy, Ernst Stavro Blofeld. This clears the way -- after decades -- for the return...

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Anti-Choice Politics Aren't a Cause; They're a Form of Fundraising Yield Management

(8) Comments | Posted July 2, 2013 | 7:05 PM

Ignorance gets a bad rap. Augustine says ignorance isn't just a cause of sin, it's a sin itself - a sin of omission -- and he's right, of course. Still, we throw the word "stupid" around a lot, like it's a bad thing, especially when it comes to people like...

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Trent Franks Killed a Limited Number of His Own Unborn Children

(42) Comments | Posted June 28, 2013 | 4:05 AM

Arizona Congressman Trent Franks, author of the Pain Capable Unborn Child Protection Act, went to college for about year, when he was 32. It's unclear whether he studied embryology or not. You don't need a fancy college degree to be a congressperson, but human nature being what it is, I'm...

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A Spooky Prophetic Thought From James Gandolfini

(0) Comments | Posted June 21, 2013 | 1:31 PM

I've never seen The Sopranos. I did see James Gandolfini the second last time he ever did God of Carnage, and he was incredibly good. And he'd been doing the play for a year and a half. Boy, he was great. His big speech is this:


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