I Want Condi

From the very beginning, the presidential race should have been between Sens. Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton opposing Sen. McCain and Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice. It could still be if we quit wasting time.

-- Letter to the Editor, Wall Street Journal 08/12/08

I don't believe Condoleezza Rice can actually play piano. Everything else she's ever touched has been a fraud and a catastrophe, why should her alleged musical abilities be any different? Think about it. Think about any event she's been even remotely involved in since you first heard her name. An endless string of threats and blundering and arrogant bluffs turned squalid pigfucks. It's not that she can't do her job; she can't do anything. I think when she plays piano the piano catches fire and the audience dies.

So yeah, sure, Condoleezza Rice for Vice President. Time's a wastin'.

But there's one other thing that we're always told to keep in mind when we consider Condoleezza -- I mean, besides her wondrous ability to play an instrument: Whatever happens, It's not her fault.

Sure, she ignored the warnings about bin Laden, and she was shoe shopping during Katrina, and she can't find her ass with her hands on Lebanon, or North Korea, or Pakistan. It's not her fault because those aren't her area.

Her field of expertise is the Soviet Union. Ask anyone at the Hoover Institute. She's just brilliant on the Soviet Union.

She's written books on the Soviets, a dissertation even! She speaks Russian. She has impeccable credentials -- for a top slot in the Ford administration.

So it's not fair to get down on her for her inability to handle Zimbabwe or Iran or Venezuela; George W. Bush needed her at his side in case Brezhnev came back.

And she was a woman and a minority, too! Which would have been really something, in about 1975. But, considering the Berlin Wall had fallen in 1989, making a Sovietologist National Security Advisor was like putting Pocahontas in charge of NASA.

During Dr. Rice's tenure, we've had a devastating terrorist attack and two wars. Peace between Israel and the Palestinians went nowhere, and Pakistan sold everybody the bomb. In 2000, there was serious talk about making Bill Clinton Secretary General of the United Nations. In 2008, Mexico and England are the only places Air Force One can land without dropping flares.

But it wasn't her fault. She was standing watch on the Danube.

She's been trained since birth to handle Russia. If a strongman ever took over there she'd box him in faster than you could say "détente." And if that strongman ever even thought about invading somewhere? She'd know about it, and she'd slap him down faster than you could say "containment."

Or maybe not.

GEORGIA ROUTED AS PEACE BID FAILS

- Headline, Wall Street Journal 08/12/08

So where's Condi, while the French broker a peace treaty?

Has anyone checked the shoe stores?

Comments

[Nofuzzydreams]

Now exactly what credentials and accomplishments does Obama have? Oh I forgot - he gives good speeches (getting tirng thought!) and has good looks (this is indisputable)

[boogygran]

This blog is about Condi, didn't you read it - try commenting on the subject matter.

[FOXYLADY]

FUZZY, BETTER OBAMA THAN 'MORE OF THE SAME MCCAIN'.....AGAIN, AS MANY TIMES...IT IS THE LESSOR OF TWO EVILS.........OTHERWISE WE NEED A THIRD PARTY AND IT'S TOO LATE FOR THAT NOW....................

[sammyscout]

Obama is better than Exxon McSame I agree but Ron Paul would've been the best / We missed our opportunity to clean up congress and the senate

[Puller58]

Fuzzy in thought as well as name. How quaint.

[realpolitic]

Everything Condi touches falls to pieces, yet she continues her bluster and fiery rhetoric. Whenever she testifies to Congress she does so with the utmost arrogance and disdain for the Congressman. She is a truly modern person in that nothing is ever her fault. "Mistakes happened." She lied us into war in Iraq. She pushed for elections in Gaza. When Hamas won she was said to be dumbfounded. Only in the Bush administrastion can one be promoted through such incompetence.

[Humeaudenparker]

*No one could have anticipated* that Chris Kelly would write this hilarious post.

[johngeb]

On her first visit to Russia, Condi attempted to speak in Russian. Her very first sentence contained laughable errors. She quickly gave up. Russian expert indeed!

[KansasKowboy]

Isn't she suppose to be able to ice skate too? Maybe when she leaves the Bush Administartion she can try out for the Ice Capades. Condi on ice. That sounds like a good place for her.

[sprite]

You are funny. Thanks for the chuckle.

[aspen]

What is emblazond forever in my memory is Condi, after 9/11, as NSA saying "who could have imagined anyone would use planes as missles to blow up buildings." Never mind the history of kamakazi pilots, there also was intelligence about such a plan in the intel community. Condi must have missed the memo.

More recently Condi and the entire Bush administration couldn't imagine that Russia might get a little upset with a NATO country on it 's border and the attack by the Georgian president on territory they consider in their sphere.

Alot of people have died because Condi, Bush, Cheney et al could "never imagine " reality.

[Bluebloodsbastardson]

Remember they're the ones "making their own reality"....................

[ejay579]

Kamakazi? Didn't you get the memo? Her area of expertise is the Soviet Union not Japan.

[AspenFreePress]

The Aspen Free Press is covering John McCain's speech at Aspen Institute tomorrow. If the opportunity presents itself, I want to ask him if there are circumstances under which he would pick Hillary as his running mate. After all, a significant percentage of Hillary's votes in the South during the Demo primary season came from crossover Republicans intent on derailing Obama's candidacy.
Sterling Greenwood
Aspen Free Press

[FOXYLADY]

I HARDLY THINK THAT WILL EVER HAPPEN......................I PRAY THAT MCCAIN DOES NOT GET ELECTED AS PRESIDENT OF MY COUNTRY, THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.....

[PoliticalAnimal]

Wait Chris! You forgot dancing. She can also dance! The Times published countless editorials praising her ballet dancing ... of course, there was that one incident the last time she danced, when her shoe flew off during a pirhouette and hit the conductor in the eye, who then lost control of the baton which hit the stage manager's hand controlling the booms which caused the lighting bars to collapse on top of the other dancers, with one of their tutus catching on fire and burning down the theater ... but that was just that once.

[Bluebloodsbastardson]

She also had a song written about her by Steve Earle, Condi's a part-time muse......

[zodiac12]

I am told that Ms Rice is a very competent amateur pianist, note 'amateur' because believe me, as a music lover I am aware the difference between amateur and pro. is the distance between OUR sun and another star 12 billion l.y's away. The disturbing feature of her playing is her apparent coldness. Her technique is reasonable but her musicianship is lacking. It is so important when playing classical music to address the basic 'warmth' of the composition. As Beethoven said "It comes from the heart, and it must go to the heart". I feel this lack of empathy is reflected in her attitude towards all things political, and especially international problems.

[hatethehype]

zodiac12

What you actually heard was that Condi was something that sounds very much like a pianis(t).

[cafemocha]

Condi is just hanging around to try to find something she can claim credit for. With her proclivity to devote excessive time to fashions, I predict she'll follow in the footsteps of Ronald Reagan and, going to the Moscow fashion runway, she will standup and sternly bark at Valdi Putin, "Mr. Putin, Wear Down This Fall"!!! And those words will become the soundbite that she's forever famous for amongst republicans.

[Techboy308]

Ow, that one's just painful...

[benalbanach]

Presidential...She's positively presidential.
Mind you your standards have slipped of late.

[dtrobert]

Condi wasn't even a good Sovietologist... She completely missed the fall of the Soviet Union; she was far to far up the a** of the neo-cons...

[LasloPferg]

Has anyone mentioned her speaking style? She has the diplo-speak part of it down pat, where you are required to bloviate for half an hour without actually saying anything. But a Secretary of State is supposed to do this eloquently. Her "Ums" and "Ahs" and monotone delivery render the pablum that she reciting absolutely unbearable. When I see her speak I always try to imagine her as a local television weather girl giving the forecast and hundreds of viewers switching channels.

[RButler]

It's paradoxical when she speaks. She usually doesn't say anything I don't already know from casual reading of the paper or watching cable news. Yet, at the end, I defy anyone to tell you what exactly did she say.

[mzroz]

Finally a piece on Condi and her complete disaster as Secretary of State. This is hilarious, I love it!!

[bumpersticker]

One low point was when Israel wanted five days to bomb Lebanon without diplomatic interference, and Condi fell silent for the requested time. There is no moral authority or "honest broker" claim possible after that. Lecturing Russia about regime change and immediate cease fire only amplifies the hypocricy of US foreign policy.

[Dave24]

Putin for VP - I hear he knows how to handle Russia.