I Want Condi

From the very beginning, the presidential race should have been between Sens. Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton opposing Sen. McCain and Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice. It could still be if we quit wasting time.

-- Letter to the Editor, Wall Street Journal 08/12/08

I don't believe Condoleezza Rice can actually play piano. Everything else she's ever touched has been a fraud and a catastrophe, why should her alleged musical abilities be any different? Think about it. Think about any event she's been even remotely involved in since you first heard her name. An endless string of threats and blundering and arrogant bluffs turned squalid pigfucks. It's not that she can't do her job; she can't do anything. I think when she plays piano the piano catches fire and the audience dies.

So yeah, sure, Condoleezza Rice for Vice President. Time's a wastin'.

But there's one other thing that we're always told to keep in mind when we consider Condoleezza -- I mean, besides her wondrous ability to play an instrument: Whatever happens, It's not her fault.

Sure, she ignored the warnings about bin Laden, and she was shoe shopping during Katrina, and she can't find her ass with her hands on Lebanon, or North Korea, or Pakistan. It's not her fault because those aren't her area.

Her field of expertise is the Soviet Union. Ask anyone at the Hoover Institute. She's just brilliant on the Soviet Union.

She's written books on the Soviets, a dissertation even! She speaks Russian. She has impeccable credentials -- for a top slot in the Ford administration.

So it's not fair to get down on her for her inability to handle Zimbabwe or Iran or Venezuela; George W. Bush needed her at his side in case Brezhnev came back.

And she was a woman and a minority, too! Which would have been really something, in about 1975. But, considering the Berlin Wall had fallen in 1989, making a Sovietologist National Security Advisor was like putting Pocahontas in charge of NASA.

During Dr. Rice's tenure, we've had a devastating terrorist attack and two wars. Peace between Israel and the Palestinians went nowhere, and Pakistan sold everybody the bomb. In 2000, there was serious talk about making Bill Clinton Secretary General of the United Nations. In 2008, Mexico and England are the only places Air Force One can land without dropping flares.

But it wasn't her fault. She was standing watch on the Danube.

She's been trained since birth to handle Russia. If a strongman ever took over there she'd box him in faster than you could say "détente." And if that strongman ever even thought about invading somewhere? She'd know about it, and she'd slap him down faster than you could say "containment."

Or maybe not.

GEORGIA ROUTED AS PEACE BID FAILS

- Headline, Wall Street Journal 08/12/08

So where's Condi, while the French broker a peace treaty?

Has anyone checked the shoe stores?

Comments

[rich3324]

Condi as McBush's VP would be a gift to Obama.

[Economike]

Yeah but they'll lose the racist vote.

[KidSampson]

It's not just books and a dissertation. She drafted George H.W. Bush's disgraceful "Chicken Kiev" speech.

[joebiz]

Dr. Rice needed to be called out on her blunders. Last year Israel was been bombed by the murderous Hezbollah thugs and she was incompetent to do anything. Good post.

[rmreddicks]

And she's doing swell by the Palestinians being murdered by Israeli thugs.

[Mildmannered]

"In 2008, Mexico and England are the only places Air Force One can land without dropping flares." I love that quote

[TrevorAlan]

yeah, but the part about the piano bursting into flames is better.

[Stephen1280]

Good piece, and I appreciate its tone. That said, to be fair, I know for a fact she plays piano, and really quite well. How? I was doing my doctorate in music at Stanford when she was Provost there, twice heard her play in recital, and once attended a recital with her.

Our politics are 180/, but credit where it's due, and for the record: she is a well-trained, highly-accomplished, semi-pro classical pianist. Everyone at school knew it. We did (readily) disagree with her on geopolitics, but no one actually questioned her musicianship. It's for real.

I only wish she had stuck to it, and not gone off to the stumbling, murderous fiasco which is the Bush 'presidency'. Thanks!

[RRundbaken]

Sadly this article is horrifically true. Yet Rice gets the same pass that Bush does by his inexplicably and dwindling ardent followers. If a Democrat was the president and strung together the list of failures, blunders, and crimes this administration has done the mindless bloviators like O'Reilly and Hannity and the rest would be having a field day. So she's a woman of color. LIke the other female sycophants who coo about this guy, don't any of them see the incredible wrongs this man has done? Is it because they perceive him to be a plain spoken straight shooter? Someone should tell them that it's not just plain speaking, its ignorance. And as for straight shooting, that would be fine but as we have seen he constantly aims for the wrong target. As for Rice, it seems that she is better suited to the academic world where she can ponder events after the fact and write papers because in the real world she is clueless and 4 steps behind. And the Republicans were drafting her to run for president? On what record? What exactly does she do? She didn't do her job as National Security Advisor, to horrendous results and as Secretary of State I am hard pressed to see any accomplishments other than a harried and thus far fruitless dialogue between Israel and the Palestinians. She should sue Cheney and Rumsfeld for assault the way they manhandled her. Eight years of failure.

[dontomas]

Finally a piece about Condi. All you have to do is listen to her and hear the same old party line spew.
Not once has she ever questioned the Bush/Cheney/Rumsfeld policies including sitting in on the torture conferences and agreeing with the procedures that were in place. She was selected as a showpiece for Bush and has played the part well.

[ewoman]

And, if you put pom-poms in her paws and dress her up to cheer on McCain, she might win the hearts and minds of the Sturgis crowd.

Why women admire Condi is beyond me. As a woman, I admire Madonna. She hasn't lip-synced for over 25 years, whereas Condi knows nothing but Bush/Cheney rhetoric. Or, Angelina, perhaps - she has more of a clue about how to treat the people of New Orleans than Condi does. And, Angelina is a better dresser, IMO.

[KevinFitzz]

As the National Security advisor, she was right with that group of thugs that said Iraq would be a slam dunk. Maybe thugs is too strong a term. Pansy asses in power positions sounds more like it.
God, I can't wait for the debates. The debates should put this to bed...

[abluevoice]

this is a brilliant post. If you kiss Bush and Cheney and Rove's butts you get rewarded no matter how incompetent you are. Agreeing with the great "decider" and pushing the "Permanent Campaign" has a much higher priority in Bushworld than seeking peace and security in the world.

the Hoover Institute in it's overt Republican partisanship makes a joke of the educational prestige of Stanford university. One of it's newest associates is Donald Rumsfeld. Talk about a home for scoundrals.

[MsMontana]

Condi showed her true colors before the Iraq war, when she failed to listen to her once good friend, C powell, who, before he caved, wanted her to persuade her boss, G W, that going to war with Iraq was insane.

You are right Mr Kelly; I doubt that condi can play the piano -- she's obviously tone deaf!

[demfriend]

"But she is so charming and dresses so well" this what a friend says about Condi when I asked her why se likes her and I questioned her doing any kind of real job. I am not sure why if Condi Rice has a particular area of expert is the area surrounding Russia AND Russia why there was not any idea of what Putin was doing before he attacked Georgia? Was there no a thing going on that she should have known or seen? Where is she out shopping for clothes? On a vacation while Bush was out of town? In the "old" days with previous presidents the SOS would have been front and center giving us information from their position and not sending the president out with goofball information and threats. How about skipping all threats and working with the UN and NATO for answers as everyone should know the US lost it's voice when Bush ordered the invasion of Iraq and the world knew it was bogus. That we got any help was because of the past administrations and 9/11.

[Lafemme1]

Condi was reportedly "fluent" in Russian but that turned out to be a fraud as well. Excerpt from NYTimes on her 2005 visit:

"Ms. Rice bantered occasionally with Mr. Venediktov in Russian, which she has studied, but she apologized for speaking largely in English, saying she felt too intimidated by Russian grammar to feel comfortable speaking Russian for the whole interview." (April 21, 2005)

As someone who speaks a foreign language myself as a non-native, I found it really odd that she would state that she was intimidated by, of all things, grammar. Grammar is the most static element of a foreign language. It is typically the slang and idioms which are constantly changing and usually throw off those who don't live in the foreign country. Since she was at a state government meeting I doubt ithat they would have been throwing Russian pop culture terms around very much. And I read that she made blunder after blunder even in the "occasional banter."

I am an educated Black American woman who plays the piano and occasionally speaks a foreign language. I really wanted to like Dr. Rice but she has to be the most undistinguished and non-thinking Secy of State in modern history.

Condi IS a fraud. Just like her boss.

[FatherKindly]

BRAVO! Couldn't have said it better myself.

[Downtown]

Well, not to defend Condi in any way, but Russian has six cases. Russian grammar is a real bi*ch, to the point where there's an old Russian joke about peasants wanting to write a letter to the governor but none of them know how to conjugate the verb correctly... even native speakers struggle with it.

However, that being said, I had the distinct (miss)fortune of working rather closely with Dr. Rice while she was at Stanford. She was utterly worthless then and has done nothing to change that assessment. She was habitually late to meetings and seminars (when she'd show up at all) and enjoyed nothing more than.... wait for it.... SHOPPING with other members of the very chummy club of arms-controllers involved in the project. And after missing deadline after deadline it fell to me to "finish up" her chapter for the book that was published out of the project. She's stabbed a lot of far more capable folks in the back on her climb to the top as well. Not smart, not funny, not talented, not nice. That's Rice!

And damnit, Chris, I wish to hell I'd come up with "when she plays piano the piano catches fire and the audience dies." That is absolutely perfect and sums it up pretty well. Bravo!

[apoyo]

So then it's official. She can't do anything.

[Troubledgoodangel]

She is on her way to Georgia now. let's see, what she does. President bush should have gone, for Georgians need comfort from a friend. Instead, he is sending someone who has no power whatsoever to help!

[jhNY]

I laughed till it hurt! Thanks, I think.

[billwood]

Chris Kelly writes:

In 2008, Mexico and England are the only places Air Force One can land without dropping flares.

This is simply not true. Except for Quebec, Air Force One can land safely in just about every part of Canada.

[RoddyMcCorley]

Hey, let's not go pickin' on Condi. She's doing the job she was hired to do. You keep judging her as if she's the Secretary of State of the United States of America. She isn't. She was never intended to be. She is instead the Secretary of State of the Bush White House. She was put there to advance their interests, not the country's. She's doing a heck of a job. She's accomplishing the mission.

[wisdom101]

Hey, Colin Powell thought the same thing and he was booted out-you know , resigned. Do you think Colin wasn't doing his job ? And finally , if something happens to the President, the VP or the Speake of the House in sequence, Guess what ? Condi, is next in line to be President. So, she may not be the President of the US, however, she is in line to be the President of the U.S. So, she should do things or conduct herself in a way to amplify to the American people that she's ready for any crises....

[TrevorAlan]

A distinction needs to be made. On the one hand, Powel was doing the job of Sec. of State, which is what he THOUGHT he was hired to do. ACTUALLY he was supposed to be playing yes-man to Cheney and Rumsfeld. So in a sense, considering what his bosses wanted, he was not doing his job. He should have been one of the better at that job, but instead he was put in a position that was impossible for anyone but a lackey to succeed at. Rice is perfect for the B/C definition of the job.

[Troubledgoodangel]

You can say what you wish. The fact is: she is there to advice the President. I am sorry, I have more international experience, and Russian experience, and Polish experience, and Georgian experience in the smallest finger of my hand! I have no problem with Russian grammar, as Condi does ... and I wasn't to Harvard! I had no money and no support to go to Harvard, but I can tell you this: Harvard is the greatest hoaz in the world, a 40 billion hoax! Ther "are," because they "have" ... money! To advice a great Nation, you have to know a great lot! I write from exile ... from America. I was exiled, because I have a mind of my own, a mind adviced by God. This is why the universities I went to did all in their power to chase me away from America!