Jonah Goldberg to Base! Under Attack by Commie-Nazis!

The reviews for Jonah Goldberg's Liberal Fascism are awful, of course, and the new line from its author is that the critics just haven't read it hard enough. It's like the mis en scene in Hostel II. You'd get it, if you just watched a few more times.

Which made me feel bad, because I hadn't planned on reading it at all. I still have all these Michael Savage books on the nightstand.

(With the Savage books I just like staring the author photos on the covers. He looks like Al Goldstein without the panache. Odd that he has all this trouble with women.)

So I went to Borders and read Liberal Fascism.

I can't imagine what terms we're supposed to be judging it on. It's tragic.

It's not just that Goldberg's understanding of history would get him laughed out of a game of Axis & Allies; the index doesn't work.

Is it for young adults?

Here's the Goldberg Thesis:

Liberals are like Fascists because Fascists told people to do things and so do Liberals. The End.

Yeah, it's not exactly Umberto Eco.

I guess Jonah Goldberg is supposed to be a fun guy -- you don't grow up in a whorehouse without learning to play at least a little piano -- so it's okay that he's not very bright. And he's still just a kid, in Young Republican terms; he's not even forty. At his age George Bush was still driving drunk. But is that really an excuse?

When you buy it, you don't get to pay with play money.

Goldberg also notices that "Nazi" is short for "national socialist," which is scholarship on a level with discovering that there were mid-winter holidays that predated Christmas. (Religion's like a myth, dude!) It's the kind of thing stupid people think sounds smart. A grown man might sit there and listen to a boy say it, but only to humor him. "Well, that's an interesting thought, son, but Jesus was a historical figure. Now run upstairs. I've paid my $10, and I need to fuck your mom."

If you get to the end, you do, however, find the "rosebud" of the whole thing: Liberal Fascism is Jonah Goldberg's revenge on Gore Vidal for making William F. Buckley lose his temper.

Here:

"In 1968, in a televised debate on ABC news during the Chicago Democratic convention, Gore Vidal continually goaded William F. Buckley, eventually calling him a crypto Nazi. Vidal himself is an open homosexual, a pagan, a statist, and a conspiracy theorist. Buckley, a patriotic, free-market, anti-totalitarian gentlemen of impeccably good manners, could take it no more and responded: 'Now listen, you queer, stop calling me a crypto Nazi or I'll sock you in the goddam face and you'll stay plastered.'"

This is a pretty well-known incident. (I'm not sure why "open homosexual" is the first thing Goldberg lists in Vidal's bio, except as a synonym for "asking for it," but it's his book. I might have gone with, "author, playwright, screenwriter, veteran," but that's just me.) Most viewers remember the other guy, the impeccably well-mannered patriotic gentleman speed freak dilettante footnote, getting the worst of it, as he was the one screaming slurs and threatening to hit people.

I think Vidal compared it to watching a cuckoo clock bird pop out of Buckley's head.

But that's not how Goldberg sees it.

"It was one of the of the few times in Buckley's long public life that he has abandoned civility, and he instantly regretted it. Nevertheless, being on the receiving end of many similar insults and diatribes, I have deep sympathy for Buckley's frustration. For at some point it is necessary to throw down the gauntlet, to draw a line in the sand, to set a boundary, to cry at long last, 'enough is enough,' to stand athwart 'progress' and yell 'stop.'"

(Or I'll hit you with my purse.)

"My hope is that this book has served much the same purpose as Buckley's intemperate outburst while striving for his more typical civility."

Liberal Fascism isn't about politics or history or even making a fast buck. It's about sucking up to the boss.

"Remember that night you totally lost your shit on national TV? (Probably not, you were taking a lot of speed at the time.) Well, I thought you were swell. That mean man was totally asking for it."

I'm glad you called him a queer.

--

By the way, don't look for this incident with the dozen other references to homosexuality in the index. It's not there.

--

William Buckley, when remembered at all, will be remembered for eating it that night in 1968. The way, up until now, Jonah Goldberg's claim to fame was lifting a line from The Simpsons, "cheese eating surrender monkeys," and applying it to anyone who didn't want to fight Iraq. (And by "fight" Goldberg meant, "send somebody else.")

Goldberg doesn't get many ideas. So where'd he come up with pure gold like "liberal fascism?" Wait, look:

I'm pretty sure that's The Simpsons. The line is: "McBain to base. Under attack from Commie Nazis."

I know no one gets paid for the Internet, but someone owes someone some money.

Comments

[wisechild]

Sigh...anyone can write and publish a book, apparently, particularly in the 'fair and balanced' America.

No intellect need apply.

Chris, you and Jon Stewart took care of this mental midget but still anything written down is believed by many.

The fact that we're all talking about it just enables it to perpetuate,

I guess scholarship on the right is about on par with the Simpsons. Kind of like the Cliff notes version and an intellectual tract on socialism and facism through time.

Of course the Simpsons are superb satire but maybe Jonah doesn't see it that way or maybe he does and his book is meant to satirize?

I'm gonna save my pennies and pass. Learned enough today by reading comments here!

Thanks, Chris, you are brilliantly wicked and I love your posts!

[Dianethegardener]

Did you see him on tv last week? He was speaking at the Heritage Foundation.
I actually felt sorry for him, but not for long.
He's making money on this garbage. He at times was incoherent and I could not follow what he was saying.
Lucky for him he was with a sympathetic audience, most others would have walked out.

[raptor]

I don't intend to buy or read the book. I don't feel any compelling need to read The Flat Earther's Journal or The Creative Intelligence Watchword either. I did watch Goldberg on the Jon Stewart show; that's enough for me. He's a disciple of Ben Wattenberg's, isn't he?. I watched Ben's mini-series and his take on socialism. I recommend you do too, just to see how these people think.
I worked for a guy, a Libertarian attorney. "My friends and I" (you know who) "call Liberals 'the New Fascists'". A quick quiz by me on what he knew about fascism stopped that talk. Counseling by a member of the city council stopped his talk about me as "the only communist in the city". Those people.

[LoRiseAntlers]

The most obvious fact about American Conservatism is that those who lay claim to the title of "Conservative Intellectual",are,to the last person,are nothing but a crowd of nattering idiots.

[joja]

Wow! With his credentials, he could be the next Bush Supreme Court nominee!!

[Bocababs]

I saw Jonah Goldberg on C-Span this past week. I could not believe anyone can take this guy seriously. Talk about "spinning".....

[lovethesinner]

Chris,

Did you catch Jon Stewart's interview with Jonah Goldberg last night on the Daily Show? It's hysterical. Jon had to make an announcement before it, saying that the original interview was eighteen minutes long, and that they had to edit it for "time." (Jon had a conspiratorial grin when he said that.)

When the interiew came on, it was obvious that they had to chop it up to be able to fulfill some deal with the publisher. He kept making Jonah look like a complete fool (without trying very hard.)

I think it would be cool if we could start an online petition to get Comedy Central to air the complete interview, either on the air, or online. I have a feeling there was some really special nonsense we missed and it would be a shame to waste a chance to see the right wing at its silliest.

Maybe you could talk Stewart into letting you post it here? Alongside your post it would be so... intructive.

[londubh]

I saw Golberg on The Daily Show last night and Bolton the night before. Jon Stewart treated Bolton with more respect than that little turd. He said up front they cut an 18 minute interview down to 6. I loved it when Jon said "Is any of this interview going to be usable?" My first thought on seeing Jonah was my he's a much younger moron than I thought. You could see the contempt on Stewart's face as he interviewed/mocked him. When it was over I said that Jon treated Golberg the way he deserved.

One final comment. Has anyone noticed how the right attempts to attribute all of their totalitarian behaviors on the left?

[RumiSouth]

The Nazis were socialists the way North Korea is a People's Democratic Republic.

[LeeAnnG]

I, too, saw Goldberg interviewed by Jon Stewart last night. It's a statement about Goldberg's hubris that he would even agree to appear; otherwise he'd have to have known that he'd look like a complete idiot.

Jonah Goldberg is the personification of the word "ignoranus." That's someone who is ignorant and an asshole at the same time. Bingo.

[BoulderSue]

Boy, I'm glad it wasn't just me. I admit I haven't read the book, but Goldberg was on C-SPAN's Book TV this past weekend and since they have authors speaking about their books from numerous perspectives, i watched, or tried to watch, Goldberg. My first attempt was unsuccessful. I could make head nor tale of his thesis. Attributing this to sheer tiredness or other things on my mind, I recorded a rebroadcat and tried to watch again the next day. Being a Liberal myself , I really wanted to know how Liberalism could become Fascism. After all, any way of thought taken too far can go bad. But once again, even though it was early in the day and I was bright and chipper, I still couldn't penetrate his reasoning for some reason. Since I read a lot and consider myself somewhat intelligent and well informed, I was really puzzled and willing to give Goldberg the benefit of the doubt: I was just missing something. Thank God it's not just me...

[mychris52]

I have been a frequent critic of Mr. Goldberg, his reasoning sometimes is beyond belief. He is always going back in history to make ridiculous comparisons. e.g. Iraq isn't that bad because more soldiers died in Vietnam. Whatever evil or horrible things the Bush administration is guilty of Goldberg can always dig up something that is worse in history no matter how faar back he has to go.

[cmhmd]

In a Salon interview, Goldberg related the cover to Geoarge Carlin's use of "smiley-faced fascism." I found it after a few Googles. In a 1999 interview there is this:

O: I was reading your web site georgecarlin.comm], and you referred to George W. Bush as a fascist. But you don't vote. Why not vote against someone you think is a fascist?

GC: Well, because it wouldn't make any difference. When fascism comes to this country, it won't be wearing jackboots; it'll be wearing sneakers with lights in them, and it'll have a smiley face and a Michael Jordan T-shirt on. They learned the mistake of overt control. They've learned how to be much subtler. No, I don't think my vote would mean anything, and at the same time, it would make me very untrue to myself to participate in what I really think is a charade.
( http://www.avclub.com/content/node/22917/print/ )

So, Goldberg thinks smiley faced fascism refers to liberals as fascists, when it was really a reference to right wing fascists presenting themselves as something palatable, well, liberal-like, to get by us and confound us.

Just wanted to get that down somewhere.

Cheers

[SamThornton]

While it's almost a truism that Mr. Goldberg is an idiot, it's interesting that the reason he's an idiot is not related to his IQ or education, but to his assumption of the roles of agitator and propagandist for an extremist political ideology.

The point of his spew is to excite controversy and frame arguments in terms that provoke further controversy. Mere details of logic and history are completely unimportant to him. Those that provide him a forum are -- to him, at least -- useful idiots.

[bayman]

When an author includes the word 'fascism' in the title of his book, without even understanding the definition of the word, it's not hard to speculate the quality of what's inside.

I got a kick out of Jon Stewart exposing Goldberg as a fool on The Daily Show last nite (not that it's hard to do). Stewart seemed to get a kick out of it, too.