Jonah Goldberg to Base! Under Attack by Commie-Nazis!

The reviews for Jonah Goldberg's Liberal Fascism are awful, of course, and the new line from its author is that the critics just haven't read it hard enough. It's like the mis en scene in Hostel II. You'd get it, if you just watched a few more times.

Which made me feel bad, because I hadn't planned on reading it at all. I still have all these Michael Savage books on the nightstand.

(With the Savage books I just like staring the author photos on the covers. He looks like Al Goldstein without the panache. Odd that he has all this trouble with women.)

So I went to Borders and read Liberal Fascism.

I can't imagine what terms we're supposed to be judging it on. It's tragic.

It's not just that Goldberg's understanding of history would get him laughed out of a game of Axis & Allies; the index doesn't work.

Is it for young adults?

Here's the Goldberg Thesis:

Liberals are like Fascists because Fascists told people to do things and so do Liberals. The End.

Yeah, it's not exactly Umberto Eco.

I guess Jonah Goldberg is supposed to be a fun guy -- you don't grow up in a whorehouse without learning to play at least a little piano -- so it's okay that he's not very bright. And he's still just a kid, in Young Republican terms; he's not even forty. At his age George Bush was still driving drunk. But is that really an excuse?

When you buy it, you don't get to pay with play money.

Goldberg also notices that "Nazi" is short for "national socialist," which is scholarship on a level with discovering that there were mid-winter holidays that predated Christmas. (Religion's like a myth, dude!) It's the kind of thing stupid people think sounds smart. A grown man might sit there and listen to a boy say it, but only to humor him. "Well, that's an interesting thought, son, but Jesus was a historical figure. Now run upstairs. I've paid my $10, and I need to fuck your mom."

If you get to the end, you do, however, find the "rosebud" of the whole thing: Liberal Fascism is Jonah Goldberg's revenge on Gore Vidal for making William F. Buckley lose his temper.

Here:

"In 1968, in a televised debate on ABC news during the Chicago Democratic convention, Gore Vidal continually goaded William F. Buckley, eventually calling him a crypto Nazi. Vidal himself is an open homosexual, a pagan, a statist, and a conspiracy theorist. Buckley, a patriotic, free-market, anti-totalitarian gentlemen of impeccably good manners, could take it no more and responded: 'Now listen, you queer, stop calling me a crypto Nazi or I'll sock you in the goddam face and you'll stay plastered.'"

This is a pretty well-known incident. (I'm not sure why "open homosexual" is the first thing Goldberg lists in Vidal's bio, except as a synonym for "asking for it," but it's his book. I might have gone with, "author, playwright, screenwriter, veteran," but that's just me.) Most viewers remember the other guy, the impeccably well-mannered patriotic gentleman speed freak dilettante footnote, getting the worst of it, as he was the one screaming slurs and threatening to hit people.

I think Vidal compared it to watching a cuckoo clock bird pop out of Buckley's head.

But that's not how Goldberg sees it.

"It was one of the of the few times in Buckley's long public life that he has abandoned civility, and he instantly regretted it. Nevertheless, being on the receiving end of many similar insults and diatribes, I have deep sympathy for Buckley's frustration. For at some point it is necessary to throw down the gauntlet, to draw a line in the sand, to set a boundary, to cry at long last, 'enough is enough,' to stand athwart 'progress' and yell 'stop.'"

(Or I'll hit you with my purse.)

"My hope is that this book has served much the same purpose as Buckley's intemperate outburst while striving for his more typical civility."

Liberal Fascism isn't about politics or history or even making a fast buck. It's about sucking up to the boss.

"Remember that night you totally lost your shit on national TV? (Probably not, you were taking a lot of speed at the time.) Well, I thought you were swell. That mean man was totally asking for it."

I'm glad you called him a queer.

--

By the way, don't look for this incident with the dozen other references to homosexuality in the index. It's not there.

--

William Buckley, when remembered at all, will be remembered for eating it that night in 1968. The way, up until now, Jonah Goldberg's claim to fame was lifting a line from The Simpsons, "cheese eating surrender monkeys," and applying it to anyone who didn't want to fight Iraq. (And by "fight" Goldberg meant, "send somebody else.")

Goldberg doesn't get many ideas. So where'd he come up with pure gold like "liberal fascism?" Wait, look:

I'm pretty sure that's The Simpsons. The line is: "McBain to base. Under attack from Commie Nazis."

I know no one gets paid for the Internet, but someone owes someone some money.

Comments

[dartagnan]

And just as aside, isn't it remarkable how many of these neo-con losers (think Goldberg, Rove, Norquist, Perle, etc.) are fat, pasty-faced lumps with less muscle tone than a bowl of tapioca? Do you think any one of them has ever done enough physical work in his life to actually break a sweat?

[Skepticat]

In politics Truth in packaging has never been well regulated.

Will "ISLAMO-ATHEISM The New Liberal Conspiracy" become a neo-con best seller - ya never know.

The National Socialist German Workers Party - were extreme Nationalist Nasties enabling Krupp, Farben and the other mega corporations to prosper at the expense of German Workers. The Nazis also sent Socialists to concentration camps.

Mussolini who knew a bit more about Fascism than Jonah Goldberg described his regime as corporatism - a merging of government and the corporations. Mussolini also bought off religious opposition with the 1929 concord with the Vatican, and was once quoted stating "The people are mud!" (sound faintly like any party we know?)

[PartyPartyParty]

Let's see....

Chris Kelly:

1. Has an understanding of history and politics
2. Has read more than The Wall Street Journal and My Pet Goat
3. Can verbally smack down just about any b.s. artist put in front of him; and
4. Is capable of reading a book, understanding what it says, summarizing it and acting on it in a short period of time.

Chris Kelly for President!!!!!!!

[dartagnan]

Jonah Goldberg, the Neo-Con Rambo: http://www.smijer.com/blog/archives/Jonah%20Goldberg.JPG

[Mark D]

While, yes, this review is a bit on the "you're just being mean!" side, I have to admit ... I laughed in several places. Loudly.

metrodorus--Jonah has admitted being born in a whorehouse in one of his past books, IIRC. The link I have saved is on a site blocked here at work. But it's not exactly a secret.

As far as the book goes, I have a coworker who bought it. Very staunch conservative. He came in one day, said he had gotten through about 50 pages, and just couldn't take it.

"I don't like liberals," he said, "but this is crap. I mean, you can't just re-write history. Communists are leftists, and fascists are on the right. Doesn't everyone know that?"

If Doughy Pantload has lost this guy -- who, again, drinks the Kool-Aid pretty deeply, but has his limits -- the book is far, far worse than any of us could ever make it out to be.

[SamanthaJaneSalem]

Gore Vidal isn't a "homosexual" because "homosexual" is an adjective which can only be applied to an act. Also, the gay/straight dichotomy is an insane way of categorizing people imposed by the superstitious SkyGod-ers as a means of controlling private behavior.

Which makes me wonder: if a fight broke out between Myra Breckinridge and Ann Coulter, who would win?

[dartagnan]

"Goldberg also notices that "Nazi" is short for "national socialist," which is scholarship on a level with discovering that there were mid-winter holidays that predated Christmas.­"

Saddam Hussein called his elite troops the Republican Guard, so I guess that means he was a Republican, n'est ce pas?

[Dogvane]

Hmmm, fascism...

Torture, imprisonment, Blackwater (er, Brownshirts), demonizing liberals (er, Jews), starting wars, violating treaties..­.

Yup, that's liberal all right.

Goldberg's an ass.

[Dr.McTeague]

Yes, Jonah, and the Nazi's also had 'German', 'Workers', and 'Party' in their name, but that doesn't mean the were stringing up balloons in the factories of Darmstadt.

[tecumseh80]

I love the fact that a completely hack can write a book that is based primarily off a complete fallacy and then people defend it. National Socialists, or fascists, are on the right side of political spectrum..­.period...­if you argue something else, then moron I call thee out! Communism is on the left...per­iod.

This is not hard to understand. It is not open to discussion or reinterpretation. Now, the left has its morons and hacks - this cannot be denied, but hardly ever do we give them columns, or put them on tv, or whatever - they remain where they belong - in some basement.

Conservatives - do you want liberals to stop thinking you all idiots? Then please stop letting these people speak for you - otherwise, we are left with nothing else but to call them like we see them.

[bradford]

Mr. Kelly's review of ''Liberal Fascism'' is rather typical of the kindergarten level blather that passes for intellectual discourse
on the fevered left.You know you don''t agree with somebody you can either deal seriously with their arguments or you can just call them stupid and end the discussion­.I can understand
that using the stupid ''argument'' has considerable attraction it's quick and gives more time to smoke crack or whatever you like to do in your leisure time.When I was in college back in the early seventies I had a full blown Marxist professor who considered liberals dangerous compromisers and he was always comparing liberals to fascists.H­e once told us that John F. Kennedy's inaugural address in 1961 could have been written by Hitler.Ano­ther professor contended that Fascism
was a left-wing ideology.I­n his history of the second world war Sir Winston Churchill described fascism as the''Bastard child of communism'­'.The Nazi party platform of 1932 called for guaranteed employment and universal health care.And most significantly both Hitler
and Mussolini, like present day leftists had a serious problem with religious people in general and Christians in particular­.Mussolini closed the catholic schools and Hitler declared himself a christian but privately said that ''Christianity and national socialism are irreconcil­iable''.Th­e Nazis ultimately set up their own church which replaced the cross with the swatstika.­The Nazis were also fervent advocates of''Eugeni­cs''buildi­ng a pure race by the frequent use of abortion and euthanasia­.Margaret Sanger the founder of planned parenthood and feminist icon was a firm advocate of eugenics and a passionate admirer of Hitler.I could go on.

[DietrichMoody]

"So I went to Borders and read Liberal Fascism."

You didn't buy the book? Well there goes Goldberg's royalties.

[jazzman]

Anyone who has seriously studied WWII knows how much Hitler loathed socialism and ended up purging all of the socialist elements out of the party after using those members to gain power. Hitler melded the government with business and destroyed unions and worker organizations and rights. Anyone who points to the word socialist in the NAZI party and tries to point out that the party was liberal is totally ignorant and should not be allowed to have columns appearing in papers. Why? Not because of free press issues but because we expect journalists to be somewhat educated before they are given rights to opine. Jonah Goldberg needs to go back to school (think Jr. High School) and study history before he opens his mouth or writes with his pen.

[ChristianSoldier]

A few days ago I was reflecting on the a time when people with thinking like Putz Goldberg's were relegated to a lunatic fringe of people who wanted to go gleefully into nuclear conflagration over Taiwan. They dreamed of the impeachment of Earl Warren cutting the hair off every goddamn hippie they could.

You have to give them credit where due, "conservatives" have come a long way since that time. I would contend that they have brought this nation to the equivalent of 1933 Germany just before the Reichstag fire.

Goldberg is not operating in a vacume. He is part of a chorus of strident, continuous propaganda noise that almost deafens this nation to the zeitgeist of our own history. A major component of their continuing march to fascism is rewriting history in a truly Orwellian way. "Doublespeak" and the "memory hole" are real strategies for achieving the ultimate goal of a full blown fascist system.

Thus, classic definitions of fascist get turned upside down. The Founding Fathers go from being men of the Enlightenment to leaders who more closely resemble the priests of the Inquisition.

Yes, it's fun to mock people like Putz Goldberg and Skank Coulter, but the historical revisions these ideological storm troopers spew is deadly serious stuff. As long as "mainstream" media and right wing sponsors give them a platform they will continue the bombardment.

We need to be taking far more seriously then we do as a genuine threat to the future of this nation.

[AHermit]

Hilarious stuff...

"Goldberg also notices that "Nazi" is short for "national socialist.­.."

He must be confused about the Koreas too, after all the North is the "Democratic" one...just like East Germany used to be...