McDonald's Makes Jesus Cry

There are billions and billions of reasons to hate McDonald's. They took the McRib away, for one, and that burns. (Sometimes I almost wish I'd never loved it at all.) There's at least one good reason to like McDonald's: They're being boycotted by the American Family Association.

What did McDonald's do to cross the AFA, its president, Donald Wildmon, and -- by extension -- Jesus (R-Nz.)? They donated $20,000 to the National Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce. McDonald's' revenue runs about five billion dollars a quarter, so you can see their profound commitment to destroying the family through sodomy.

The AFA says that by donating one thousandth of one percent of its 2007 earnings,

"McDonald's has chosen not to remain neutral but to give the full weight of their corporation to promoting the homosexual agenda."

Which seems like a kind of shrill definition of "full weight," but maybe it's like the Quarter Pounder®, and it's the weight before cooking that counts.

It feels a little like the American Family Association was looking for someone to boycott and it was just McDonald's' turn. They've already boycotted Sears, Kohl's, Kmart, Target, Old Navy and IKEA. As a result, they're naked and don't have anywhere to sit. The McDonald's boycott follows boycotts of Burger King, Carl's Jr., 7-11, Proctor & Gamble and Kraft, which means Donald Wildmon hasn't eaten anything for sale in America since the late '70s. You'd think he'd be dead, but no.

(He's a good guy. I'll bet he loads up on locusts, beetles and grasshoppers, like it says in Leviticus. The same book that -- there's no getting around it -- says homosexuality is an abomination, absolutely as heinous in G*d's eyes as strong drink.)

Does the AFA hate homosexuals? Absolutely not! It says so, right on their website, under the heading and sub-head: "Does AFA Hate Homosexuals? Absolutely Not!"

Should McDonald's take the boycott seriously? The customer is always right, I guess. (I think that's from Deuteronomy.) But McDonald's might want to think about the kind of customers they're losing. They appear to be lunatics.

Oh look, here are some of their thoughts:

"YOU DID NOT BILD YOUR COMPANY ON HOMOSEXUAL PEOPLE! IT WAS BUILD ON FAMILY VALUES! MAN,WIFE.CHILDREN!MOSTLTY CHILDREN! THEY DON'T COME FROM HOMO PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"What next, Adam & Steve in the children's happy meals? i WILL not condone the Corp. of Mc Donalds to force me to shop where it is not in lign with my believe in God and HIS scripture..."

"I have stopped at my last McDonald. If you support homos, that is fine with me. I do not have to eat your burgers. Maybe there are enough homos around to keep your arches open."

"I suppose next the playground will be open for pedifiles in order to not offend them."

"You have joined God's list of enemies!"

"What's next? Support for the Man-Boy Love Association! This shall not stand!"

"The McFaddin Family will vote with our Money and Feet and take our business elsewhere! You can stuff your Happy Gay Meal and Happy Gay Agenda where the Sun don't Shine!"

"If the McDonald's heirarchy thinks we'll buy their burgers and support deranged homosexual activists who force their lifestyle on innocent children in the public schools, they had better think again. Their burgers now have a smelly odor to them."

"You advertise straight to children (Happy Meals). Can anyone say pederasty? This lifestyle' you embolden is really a deathstyle!"

"The only thing you'll be cooking is yourselves, for eternity."

"the next thing you know RONALD will be molesting our children. No big macks for this family."

"Are you also going to support open activity between man and beast? You are helping to open the door to bestiality, sex with children, plural homosexual marriages and the list goes on!"

"Dear, McDonald's. Last week I ate a cheeseburger at your restaurant. If I would've known it was created by gay loving hands, I wouldn't have purchased it. Don't you guys know gays were behind the holocaust? First Jews, and now the family. What is next, McDonald's? Are you going to help gays eradicate sand? WHAT WILL WE DO WITHOUT SAND!?!?"

"I recently saw two young teenagers making out. I figure McDonalds is no longer my kind of place. I think the sixteen year old worked there."

I just had a thought -- honest to God, I swear this wasn't where I was heading with this thing; I was just going to make a lot of snotty remarks about reductio ad absurdum and the McFaddin Family's feet -- but it occurs to me that McDonald's has done something brilliant:

They've deliberately offended a demographic they don't want.

For just $20,000, they've chased off all the crazy people who hang around McDonald's sputtering and ranting and making me not want to eat there.

It's genius.

Now, if they'd just bring back the McRib.

Comments

[grimreefer]

just answer me this:
if a man can marry another man, what's there to stop a man from marrying a happy meal?

[Argente]

It's only acceptable if 1) the man asks for a girl-toy rather than a boy-toy in the bag (I may be dating myself; the last time I bought a Happy Meal, you had to specify); 2) if you do not buy more than one at a time - marriage must be between one man and one meal; and, 3) don't ask the guy behind the counter to hold the pickle.

[jneems]

LOL!!

[jeremyemilio]

ummm... pretty sure the last two comments cited in this piece (the one about sand and the one about the teens) are jokes, and pretty funny jokes at that. I agree with the premise of the article, but it's always a bit if a turn off when your sense of humour shuts down just because you have a point to make.

[FlyingDutchman]

Um, so these are examples of Christian humor?

[jeremyemilio]

ummm... nope. Pretty sure they are progressive jokes aimed at ridiculing religious extremism through ironic hyperbole. Unless, of course, you think that Christians really are worried that homosexuals have a hidden agenda to eradicate sand, or that they formulate their reasoning along the lines of: teens make out in public, making out in public is icky, MacDonalds employs teens, ergo, I will no longer eat at MacDonalds. It's a good and pointed caricature (like I said before, it's funny even), but it's clearly a joke. If you still don't get it...well I can't help you.

[Incredulous]

I'm going to boycott Christianity until it goes back to preaching the works of Jesus Christ.

[Billzapoppin]

It's Procter. Procter & Gamble.

Otherwise, another scary example of Christian zealots acting decidedly non-Christlike.

[HopeGirl]

Guys and I mean all guys love the McRib.

Why?

[CrankyCurmudgeon]

Even gay guys?

[HopeGirl]

All guys, maybe not vegans. But I think they sneak out late at night at grab one.

I think there is a Nighline here. Except there is not more Nightline either.

[StealthisBlog]

It was meat with no bones but it was carefully crafted to have the appearance of bones! What's not to love about processed pork by-products that have false bone ridges? Mmmmmm....­....

[GolfingDevil05]

I wouldn't be so quick to include me on that list. The first and only McRib I had tasted like rubber covered in barbeque sauce, and this is coming from a guy who will eat almost anything that has barbeque sauce.

Me? I'm still holding out for a return of the McDLT with its ridiculous packaging. In the meantime, I'll stick with their Angus burgers (which I believe are only here in SoCal at the moment).

[Swedishgal]

Hardees has those here in VA. They do taste alot better.

[MrMike513]

It's the pickles. What a stroke of genius to put pickles on a BBQ sandwich. The combination of the acidity of the pickles and the sweetness of the BBQ sauce and the meat which is totally devoid of any flavor is something any testosterone laden creature can resist. PLus the onions add a little crunch, leading you to believe that you're eating real food. Brilliant!!!!

[lanshark]

I was listening to an episode of Countdown from June 23rd, where they reran an interview of George Carlin from when he was a guest, to honor him following his death:

"Don't these professional Christians have something to do during the day? I mean, didn't Jesus leave instructions? How to plan your day, something constructive. Didn't he help people?" --George Carlin

[theshadowalker]

It's been many, many years since my days at Catholic School (where I encountered enough hypocrisy, prejudice and general mean-spiritedness to burn the faith right out of me), but doesn't ol' Leviticus also go on about the "sins" of poor housekeeping, mold, mixing your fabrics, touching a dead pig on Sunday (wow, I guess the NFL's ****ed then)...an­d et cetera?

Why don't these bible-thumpers ever obsess over those "sins" too? (Personally, I'd like to see them try to boycott the NFL...that­'d be hilarious.­)

[lbrlctgrrl]

Leviticus also states that adulterers should be put to death. Why don't these so-called "christians" ever bring that up or scream about enforcing it? Too busy gay-bashing.

When "christians" show an interest in following ALL the rules set forth by the Bible, Old and New Testaments, then maybe they can be taken seriously. As it is, they pound relentlessly on the verses that suit their interests, and ignore the ones that don't. Why does anyone, especially the MSM, waste any time on them?

[vipersdad]

You can only follow "all the rules" to the extent that the rules don't contradict one another. There are many examples where the Old Testament and the New Testament conflict (eg: "Eye for an Eye" vs. "Turn the other cheek") and other examples where the respective testaments seem to contradict themselves.

Then there are other writings (the gnostic gospels) that for a variety of reasons are being omitted from the New Testament.

Finally, there are spots in the Old Testament (Leviticus again) where things that we find reprehensible, like ownership of slaves, is seemingly encouraged (Exodus 21, Deuteronomy 15:16-17, Joel 3:8, Matthew 10:24, John 13:16, Ephesians 6:5, Colossians 3:22)

You could probably find a Biblical justification for almost any behavior you want to engage in. The reverse is true as well. I'm sure if you look hard enough, you can find a Biblical objection to just about any kind of behavior.

Anyone who claims to be a "Fundamentalist" Christian does not understand how paradoxical that claim really is.

[kwalla101]

poor little baby Jesus! i just hate to think of him crying...

[Jonahson]

They manage to link homosexuals with burgers! What's next, fried chicken with sadomistics?
Goodness sake if you don't like fastfood just quit it how can things get so complicated for AFA .

[whitewaterwillie]

I've been boycotting McDs forever. Not for the gay stuff, but I just don't like their hyper-salty, ultra-fatty food. However, now that the religious right hates McDs, this causes a quite a quandary. I.e., the enemy of my enemy is my friend.

[GingerCan]

So true. Almost makes me what to re-embrace their golden fries, and ever so tasty McNuggets.­..
But then I remember their effect on the collective health of north america, the diminshing rainforest etc. but still, those golden fries....

[LeftLeanWing]

Most of the McDonald's in D.C. are now manned mostly Latinos. Will Lou Dobbs and Sen. Brownback ( has anyone else noticed the irony of his name ? ) add to this boycott on that issue too?

[Carnacamarna]

LMAO this is so true. It's funny that McDonalds went from being manned by Blacks to now Latinos.

[Pyrrhus]

Wonder if McDonalds would be so kind as to put out the McFaddin's email address.

I bet we could find some good websites to send them...

:-)

[OptimusDB]

I'd have to guess that I gave atleast 1/1000 of my annual income out in spare change to assorted homeless people in the downtown area that I live in...shoul­d i fear that homeowners assosciations are going to start boycotting me?

[jazzpotato]

Next thing ya know, McDonald's will stop using styrofoam containers to support the evil environmentalist people! But seriously, Chris - McRibs are my ONLY McWeakness - they'll be back, they're seasonal right?!

[dumboldfarmer]

To think that all those people will miss out. Poor things.