McDonald's Makes Jesus Cry

There are billions and billions of reasons to hate McDonald's. They took the McRib away, for one, and that burns. (Sometimes I almost wish I'd never loved it at all.) There's at least one good reason to like McDonald's: They're being boycotted by the American Family Association.

What did McDonald's do to cross the AFA, its president, Donald Wildmon, and -- by extension -- Jesus (R-Nz.)? They donated $20,000 to the National Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce. McDonald's' revenue runs about five billion dollars a quarter, so you can see their profound commitment to destroying the family through sodomy.

The AFA says that by donating one thousandth of one percent of its 2007 earnings,

"McDonald's has chosen not to remain neutral but to give the full weight of their corporation to promoting the homosexual agenda."

Which seems like a kind of shrill definition of "full weight," but maybe it's like the Quarter Pounder®, and it's the weight before cooking that counts.

It feels a little like the American Family Association was looking for someone to boycott and it was just McDonald's' turn. They've already boycotted Sears, Kohl's, Kmart, Target, Old Navy and IKEA. As a result, they're naked and don't have anywhere to sit. The McDonald's boycott follows boycotts of Burger King, Carl's Jr., 7-11, Proctor & Gamble and Kraft, which means Donald Wildmon hasn't eaten anything for sale in America since the late '70s. You'd think he'd be dead, but no.

(He's a good guy. I'll bet he loads up on locusts, beetles and grasshoppers, like it says in Leviticus. The same book that -- there's no getting around it -- says homosexuality is an abomination, absolutely as heinous in G*d's eyes as strong drink.)

Does the AFA hate homosexuals? Absolutely not! It says so, right on their website, under the heading and sub-head: "Does AFA Hate Homosexuals? Absolutely Not!"

Should McDonald's take the boycott seriously? The customer is always right, I guess. (I think that's from Deuteronomy.) But McDonald's might want to think about the kind of customers they're losing. They appear to be lunatics.

Oh look, here are some of their thoughts:

"YOU DID NOT BILD YOUR COMPANY ON HOMOSEXUAL PEOPLE! IT WAS BUILD ON FAMILY VALUES! MAN,WIFE.CHILDREN!MOSTLTY CHILDREN! THEY DON'T COME FROM HOMO PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"What next, Adam & Steve in the children's happy meals? i WILL not condone the Corp. of Mc Donalds to force me to shop where it is not in lign with my believe in God and HIS scripture..."

"I have stopped at my last McDonald. If you support homos, that is fine with me. I do not have to eat your burgers. Maybe there are enough homos around to keep your arches open."

"I suppose next the playground will be open for pedifiles in order to not offend them."

"You have joined God's list of enemies!"

"What's next? Support for the Man-Boy Love Association! This shall not stand!"

"The McFaddin Family will vote with our Money and Feet and take our business elsewhere! You can stuff your Happy Gay Meal and Happy Gay Agenda where the Sun don't Shine!"

"If the McDonald's heirarchy thinks we'll buy their burgers and support deranged homosexual activists who force their lifestyle on innocent children in the public schools, they had better think again. Their burgers now have a smelly odor to them."

"You advertise straight to children (Happy Meals). Can anyone say pederasty? This lifestyle' you embolden is really a deathstyle!"

"The only thing you'll be cooking is yourselves, for eternity."

"the next thing you know RONALD will be molesting our children. No big macks for this family."

"Are you also going to support open activity between man and beast? You are helping to open the door to bestiality, sex with children, plural homosexual marriages and the list goes on!"

"Dear, McDonald's. Last week I ate a cheeseburger at your restaurant. If I would've known it was created by gay loving hands, I wouldn't have purchased it. Don't you guys know gays were behind the holocaust? First Jews, and now the family. What is next, McDonald's? Are you going to help gays eradicate sand? WHAT WILL WE DO WITHOUT SAND!?!?"

"I recently saw two young teenagers making out. I figure McDonalds is no longer my kind of place. I think the sixteen year old worked there."

I just had a thought -- honest to God, I swear this wasn't where I was heading with this thing; I was just going to make a lot of snotty remarks about reductio ad absurdum and the McFaddin Family's feet -- but it occurs to me that McDonald's has done something brilliant:

They've deliberately offended a demographic they don't want.

For just $20,000, they've chased off all the crazy people who hang around McDonald's sputtering and ranting and making me not want to eat there.

It's genius.

Now, if they'd just bring back the McRib.

Comments

[Sciguy]

Great article, and great McBlog comments..­.

[NotaBeliever]

Jesus loves the little children ... the children love Ronald McDonald ... I know they love Ronald McDonald because I've seen them crawling all over the statue of Ronald that used to sit on a park bench in a WalMart that used to have a McDonalds. Where was I going with this? Oh ... I was going to say Micky D has nothing to fear from the boycott ... as long as they make double cheeseburgers for 99cents and the best fries in town ... well, they used to make the best fries in town, but I think maybe they used to use lard in the fryers ... and remember the Fishwiches in the good old days? uh ... 35cents apiece and if your Irish setter got up on her hind legs and grabbed those Fishwiches, you wouldn't hesitate to go back to Micky D's and get replacements because they were so darn good ...
Anyhow ... go McDonalds! Anything that pisses off the AFA is a good thing.

[lovethesinner]

But, what about "Jack In The Box"?

I'm so glad I get notifications when you write something, Chris. You really are the best. Besides the hilarity of the comments, your "Jesus (R-Nz)" is a classic.

[whitewaterwillie]

And just what does Jack have in his box?

[paixa3]

LOL

[TRYKER]

Chris, I'm shocked you didn't make mention of their new campaign in support of gays...the Happy Meal will now be called the Kiddie Gay Meal.

[Argente]

Cute. Anybody who boycotts McDonalds is welcome to be a strange bedfellow of mine (bundling board in place, of course).

[kathy001]

I haven't had a Double Cheeseburger in forever - since I grew out of my size 8 pants, anyway - but I think I'll run right out and get one. I'll grab one right after I stop at the SAND store to stock up on SAND, before "gays" do away with it all.

[SILVANUS]

As I avoid fast food, I never eat there, but I think I'll go spend $20.00 on milkshakes just to say "good going, Ronald!!! Sock it to those low-life hypocritical fake-Christians apes. We all sick of their insane yapping".

[JanSP1971]

I stopped going to a local McDonalds because of the faith based signs by each door and a bible hanging on the wall. Strange...­......
I will now start going to ones that do not hang their BLESSED signs for all to see.
Thank you McDonalds for knowing families have many different looks.

[Choicelady]

This is really funny! This about as bizarre as their renouncing polyester when one manufacturer also produced contraceptives.

Eating organic? Wearing natural fibers? The Religious RIGHT???? It just doesn't square with the televangelist pot bellies and wrinkle-free clothes. OMG - pretty soon they'll be on the 700 Club with unsprayed HAIR!

But we'll still know them by their supercilious smirks. And floppy Bibles they'll be waving in our faces. Some things are forever.

[starboymikey]

What is next, McDonald's? Are you going to help gays eradicate sand? WHAT WILL WE DO WITHOUT SAND!?!?"
__________­__________­__________­__________­__________­__________­__________­_________

This has to be my favorite quote of all. I have trouble thinking it's not some gag poster who was yanking their chain.

[vipersdad]

Mebbe..... they think that "SAND" is the key ingredient in "Sandwich"

[dogman44]

And what about the shortbread Sandies I love to dunk in my morning coffee? Will the
gays not be happy until they've taken everything from me?

[starboymikey]

"The McFaddin Family will vote with our Money and Feet and take our business elsewhere! You can stuff your Happy Gay Meal and Happy Gay Agenda where the Sun don't Shine!"
__________­__________­__________­__________­__________­__________­________

I've got a news flash for the McFaddin Family. Bethie, you know, your eldest daughter who left to go to college last year? She's trying to figure out how to tell you she's a lesbian.

But not to worry. She's also a vegan and wouldn't eat at McDonald's if her life depended on it. So you can always pretended she's straight and supporting your boycott.

[NateJ]

The best one was: "The only thing you'll be cooking is yourselves, for eternity."

To quote a certain song,

"They say that god hates fags, they walk around so pissed
Disguise their hate as love, but have they thought of this?
He made us in his image, now listen what I say
Then it's a possibility that Jesus Christ was gay..."

While I believe that people have the right to boycott business for whatever reasons they so choose, people who are this blindly hateful really annoy me.

Also, I wonder why McDonald's even bothered with this donation?

[mpabner]

I believe that one of the executives at McDonalds is on the board of a gay/lesbian organization. Don't know if it is this one, though. Would make since if it is.

[choirgirl]

what should we do without sand?? the sheer lunacy of these comments had me snorking my afternoon coffee out my nose.
I should feel bad. they are poor, deluded, stupid, moronic...­.. completly ignorant, misguided a nd mislead. but i i cant help it. can somebody wake these knuckleheads up? UM, duhhh.

[RJC]

unfortunately these people are also allowed to vote

[ihavenobias]

Great title, I love it.

BTW, fellow HuffPo blogger Cenk of The Young Turks had a funny youtube clip on this topic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0AXMXPWyFGs

[autochrome]

So maybe they are right to boycott McDonalds, Carls Jr etc.

Clearly, eating a bacon cheeseburger is TWICE as bad as being homosexual.

Biblical dietary rules define not only eating shellfish and pork as abominations equal to homosexuality ... it also prohibits mixing beef and milk.

Seems the one thing that these "literal" readers of the bible have learned from Burger King..."Ha­ve it your way..."

[southsideirish]

LMAO!--That made my night! Kudos!-- This is why most Christians not of the "Religious Right", even left-leaning evangelicals and the Catholic Church, treat the Penatateuch (the first five books of the Bible) as largely metaphorical. One, because many of us have a difficult time believing homosexuality is evil. And two, because we like SHAMROCK SHAKES, DAMMIT!!!

[Amathyne]

(Warning, sarcastic comment follows)

OHMIGOSH! I'd better go get my stomach pumped! That Double Quarter Cheese I had for lunch might make me turn gay!

(End Sarcasm)

[epotruchyeahright]

Actually, they have HTML tags for what you wrote now:

"< sarc >blah blah blah< /sarc >"

[Amathyne]

Ahh... so that's it. thanks. I knew I wasn't doing it quite right.