McDonald's Makes Jesus Cry
There are billions and billions of reasons to hate McDonald's. They took the McRib away, for one, and that burns. (Sometimes I almost wish I'd never loved it at all.) There's at least one good reason to like McDonald's: They're being boycotted by the American Family Association.
What did McDonald's do to cross the AFA, its president, Donald Wildmon, and -- by extension -- Jesus (R-Nz.)? They donated $20,000 to the National Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce. McDonald's' revenue runs about five billion dollars a quarter, so you can see their profound commitment to destroying the family through sodomy.
The AFA says that by donating one thousandth of one percent of its 2007 earnings,
"McDonald's has chosen not to remain neutral but to give the full weight of their corporation to promoting the homosexual agenda."
Which seems like a kind of shrill definition of "full weight," but maybe it's like the Quarter Pounder®, and it's the weight before cooking that counts.
It feels a little like the American Family Association was looking for someone to boycott and it was just McDonald's' turn. They've already boycotted Sears, Kohl's, Kmart, Target, Old Navy and IKEA. As a result, they're naked and don't have anywhere to sit. The McDonald's boycott follows boycotts of Burger King, Carl's Jr., 7-11, Proctor & Gamble and Kraft, which means Donald Wildmon hasn't eaten anything for sale in America since the late '70s. You'd think he'd be dead, but no.
(He's a good guy. I'll bet he loads up on locusts, beetles and grasshoppers, like it says in Leviticus. The same book that -- there's no getting around it -- says homosexuality is an abomination, absolutely as heinous in G*d's eyes as strong drink.)
Does the AFA hate homosexuals? Absolutely not! It says so, right on their website, under the heading and sub-head: "Does AFA Hate Homosexuals? Absolutely Not!"
Should McDonald's take the boycott seriously? The customer is always right, I guess. (I think that's from Deuteronomy.) But McDonald's might want to think about the kind of customers they're losing. They appear to be lunatics.
Oh look, here are some of their thoughts:
"YOU DID NOT BILD YOUR COMPANY ON HOMOSEXUAL PEOPLE! IT WAS BUILD ON FAMILY VALUES! MAN,WIFE.CHILDREN!MOSTLTY CHILDREN! THEY DON'T COME FROM HOMO PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"What next, Adam & Steve in the children's happy meals? i WILL not condone the Corp. of Mc Donalds to force me to shop where it is not in lign with my believe in God and HIS scripture..."
"I have stopped at my last McDonald. If you support homos, that is fine with me. I do not have to eat your burgers. Maybe there are enough homos around to keep your arches open."
"I suppose next the playground will be open for pedifiles in order to not offend them."
"You have joined God's list of enemies!"
"What's next? Support for the Man-Boy Love Association! This shall not stand!"
"The McFaddin Family will vote with our Money and Feet and take our business elsewhere! You can stuff your Happy Gay Meal and Happy Gay Agenda where the Sun don't Shine!"
"If the McDonald's heirarchy thinks we'll buy their burgers and support deranged homosexual activists who force their lifestyle on innocent children in the public schools, they had better think again. Their burgers now have a smelly odor to them."
"You advertise straight to children (Happy Meals). Can anyone say pederasty? This lifestyle' you embolden is really a deathstyle!"
"The only thing you'll be cooking is yourselves, for eternity."
"the next thing you know RONALD will be molesting our children. No big macks for this family."
"Are you also going to support open activity between man and beast? You are helping to open the door to bestiality, sex with children, plural homosexual marriages and the list goes on!"
"Dear, McDonald's. Last week I ate a cheeseburger at your restaurant. If I would've known it was created by gay loving hands, I wouldn't have purchased it. Don't you guys know gays were behind the holocaust? First Jews, and now the family. What is next, McDonald's? Are you going to help gays eradicate sand? WHAT WILL WE DO WITHOUT SAND!?!?"
"I recently saw two young teenagers making out. I figure McDonalds is no longer my kind of place. I think the sixteen year old worked there."I just had a thought -- honest to God, I swear this wasn't where I was heading with this thing; I was just going to make a lot of snotty remarks about reductio ad absurdum and the McFaddin Family's feet -- but it occurs to me that McDonald's has done something brilliant:
They've deliberately offended a demographic they don't want.
For just $20,000, they've chased off all the crazy people who hang around McDonald's sputtering and ranting and making me not want to eat there.
It's genius.
Now, if they'd just bring back the McRib.
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These comments indicate that AFA knew exactly what they were doing in targeting McDonald's--and right before the elections.
In the "minds" of many Americans, McDonald's = children.
In the "minds" of many Americans, gays = pedophiles.
AFA is trying to link those two equations in a calculated, cynical way to drive voters to the polls in the fall to vote Republican. As they know, and as these comments indicate, the stupidity of the American voting people is difficult to underestimate.
Great. I guess we can expect to see McCain pledging to drive the sodomites out of McDonaldland now.
Thank you for unearthing a truly frightening aspect of religious fundamentalism--unabashed, senseless hatred toward "the homo people." Thanks also for mixing in a healthy dose of humor so we can laugh in the face of such repulsive ideologies.
This almost makes me want to eat at McDonald's.
Thank you huffpo... I was literaly LOLing reading reading this post.
Christians do themselves NO favor w/ these types of rants.
Then god took a McRib from Adam and fashioned Steve......And Steve was FABulous!
I love Dick....Dicktater that is...thanks for the LOL!
the beauty of this is that since ground meat kills (see e.coli), and the Darwinian natural selection process is steering them towards undercooking their own burgers, rather than having them cooked by pros, we have a win/win for mcdonalds and darwin over their sworn enemies, the AFA.
But they don't believe in Darwinian evolution. So when they get anti-biotic resistant e. coli infections, they'll just have to faith heal it away.
Are you seriously calling the pizza faced dullards who flip burgers at McDonalds pros? I would much rather grill my own burger than let those mouth breathers hock a loogie on my Big Mac.
As a former Taco Bell mouth-breather, I resent that remark.
Another hilarious post from Chris Kelly! He managed to be funnier than his sample comments from homophobes, and that wasn't easy-- "Their burgers now have a smelly odor to them." If McDonald's donated a billion dollars to my favorite charity, I'd still say they have smelly burgers.
*
I do notice an area where "secular" progressives and Christian conservatives have something in common-- the sort of country we want to live in is often ignored or stomped on by large, faceless corporations. I don't think we could unite "God hates gays" with "No more sweatshops" but this is a frustration shared by both sides of the political spectrum (not to use any offensive rainbow imagery or anything): corporate America is ruining *our* America. Cable companies, the media, oil companies, credit card companies-- they couldn't care less about the gay couple in MIssissippi or the home-schooling evangelical family in San Francisco. "Take back America" means recognizing that communities want control over their own destinies and they're tired of a government-- bought and paid for by corporations-- intruding on their way of life.
If the McDonald's on the corner was replaced by a Mom & Pop burger stand that made good food, that would truly be a happy meal, even if mom and pop couldn't spell and were all wrong in their thinking about gays.
Did these guys learn to spell from the Bible? I mean, one would think that if you were really that familiar with the Good Book that you'd learn at least some of the basics. Jesus...
"where it is not in lign with my believe in God and HIS scripture..."
Good grief.
Same place where they learned to drive. Every time I see the fish or a Jesus bumpersticker, they can never drive worth a crap
Chris, don't eat at McDonald's, you'll live longer and be healthier -- but not for the reasons spouted by this association of mouth-breathers (in fact, some would say -- please! let 'em eat there!)
You think McDonalds is bad food for you? Check out that 18 course heart attack special at the top of HuffPo.
I've always wondered: How can there be a McRib sandwich without, you know, ribs?
Because God took them to make man.....
LOL good one!
Why not? They make hamburgers without meat.
Sigh...now AFA members will have no excuse but to lower their grease/fat/calorie intake.
I'm sure they'll make adjustments in the areas of snack cakes, 2litre sodas, and checkers fries. all is not lost...
Fantastic post, if only for the build-up to the comment about sand. That's genius-level sarcasm.
Holy Cr*p!
What WILL we do without sand?
I also have to question the Freudian implications of how willing these brain trusts are to play the bestiality card at every opportunity...
""You advertise straight to children (Happy Meals). Can anyone say pederasty? This lifestyle' you embolden is really a deathstyle!""
reductio ad metallicum?
Actually, "pederasty" is a registered trademark of the Catholic Church, so McBreastals won't go there.
I was thinking of "Frantic" from the St. Anger album.
:D
good thing I wasn't drinking anything when I read this comment - I would have fried my keyboard!
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