Mitt Romney Probably Won't Kill John McCain

You have to be at least a little comforted by the idea of making Mitt Romney John McCain's vice president. The Mormons did such a nice job taking care of Howard Hughes during his decline. So there's that.

(Hughes certainly appreciated their care. When he died, he left an eighth of his estate to his key Mormon aides, a sixteenth to a Mormon drifter, and another sixteenth directly to the Latter-day Saints, a church he never attended.)

(The hand-written will was never executed, despite its unimpeachable provenance, turning up, as it did, in a desk drawer at The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.)

(Those guys are always finding things!)

Yesterday, Politico reported the "hot buzz" that Romney is at the top of McCain's vice presidential short list. I'll believe it when I see it. For one thing, Politico doesn't cite any sources more specific than "sources." For another thing, it could be a transcription error. "Short list" and "shit list" sound a lot alike.

But wouldn't it be fun?

I think it'd keep McCain young, don't you? Having Mitt Romney around, waiting for him to die, and collecting samples of his handwriting. Imagine the White House sort of like Inspector Clouseau's place in the Pink Panther, with his man-servant Kato trying to kill him all the time, just to keep him sharp.

Speaking of things Mormons find, the Book of Mormon (provenance, a hole) talks a lot about Moroni's heroic assassin Teancum, "a true friend to liberty," who does God's chosen people a world of good by knocking off anyone who gets in his way.

And it came to pass that Teancum stole privily into the tent of the king, and put a javelin to his heart; and he did cause the death of the king immediately that he did not awake his servants.

The book doesn't say whether King Amalickiah left a will or not.

Amalickiah was replaced by his brother Ammoron. (I wonder if they other kids teased him about the name.) So Teancum had to off him too. Unfortunately, no one had instructed Teancum in the art of "mixing it up," so he thought he'd do him exactly the same way he did before.

And he went forth with a cord, from place to place, insomuch that he did find the king; and he did cast a javelin at him, which did pierce him near the heart. But behold, the king did awaken his servants before he died, insomuch that they did pursue Teancum, and slew him.

Anyway it all works out. Pretty soon Jesus and the Indians are living happily in Schenectady. And I'm sure John McCain has nothing to worry about. Mitt Romney's not ambitious like that. He's always doing nice, altruistic things like saving the Olympics.

And besides, where would he get his hands on a javelin?

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Another comforting thing for McCain? There hasn't been a really serious Mormon assassination plot since Porter Rockwell shot Governor Lilburn Boggs, and that was ages ago.

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Also, Rockwell wasn't a hothead like Teancum. His motto was:

"I never killed anyone that didn't need killing."

Which shows how the church had matured by the 1830s.

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"Teancum?" Mormon boys are supposed to not snicker at a guy named "Teancum?"

Comments

[DNVigerJr]

I think making fun of Romney's religion is in poor taste and shows the shallowness of your comments which have no reliable substance. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) is the fourth largest Church in the USA! They are the first to respond to disasters like Katrina and earlier hurricane that devastated Florida years ago. They went right to the rescue of those affected by the Tsunami, and Reagan said if our Welfare Program in the USA resembled that of the Mormon Faith's, we wouldn't have any problems.

Romney is smart: Harvard MBA and Harvard Law Cum Laude, and one's father can't buy that for you. It is great that he had a dad like George Romney whom the Black Americans in Michigan adored, as well, and who served an unprecidented length of time as Governor of Michigan. Romney has a great family, great love for American, has created jobs for many, knows Wall Street and how to make America strong: The Family, Business here and abroad, stop Jihad's chickens that would love to roost every chance they can get here, and secure our borders.

Obama wants to add a trillion in taxes, wreck the Stock Market with doubling the capital gains tax, gutting the Stock Market of its investors and crippling retirees. He has never been a leader of anything, never sponsored a bill. Romney was a great Governor, business leader, family man, man of faith, just what this Country needs backing up John McCain!

[HappyDae]

Oh well, if THIS passes for sheer brilliance in your eyes, no wonder Obama is your candidate.

While on the subject of qualifications, and with no name-calling or references to Obama's opponents, how many of you can give me 10, nay, even 5 qualifications to be President of the USA that Sen. Obama has.

OK, if I must, I'll start you off --
(1) Over 35
(2) Natural born citizen

The rest of the exercise is up to you clever people. Sure: open book. Go for it!

Happy Dae.

[HappyDae]

OK, I'll post this again. I've read the article and I've read all the comments.

I have a question, therefore: How did you people ever defeat Hillary Rodham Clinton? Surely, not with these "witty" remarks. I've not read such adolescent drivel since leaving junior high school.

Anyway, a word of thanks. You've confirmed for me the kind of supporters that Obama has. I'll make periodic checks throughout the campaign to verify my conclusions. I'm sure you'll continue to disappoint me, right? Perhaps you censure me again.

Happy Dae.
http://www.ShoeStringGenealogy.com

[eCon]

Tongue in cheek bigotry is still bigotry. Attack the man, not the religion... if you can.

Personally, I think Hillary is more capable of Murder than Mitt. Ever heard of Whitewater?

[FirstShirt]

Keep laughing joker. You liberals are legends in your own mind.

[Tiny68300]

Ya, very funny Mr. Kelley. You aren't attacking a man, you are attacking an entire religion. Your huge self-right bigotry barely disguised as political satire. You belittle decent people and a powerful force for good in a junior-high school twitter about those geeky "Mormons." Ya, sure, it is your right, in this country. But you do harm for no good reason, you inflame hate and distrust of fellow citizens just to inflate your own ego a little, then you and your minions can laugh at others expense.

Be a man. Let your nads drop. Grow the short hairs. Then come back and contribute something.

[ann1]

He should choose Cindy!

[EuroPreacher]

Mormon Romney,apparently want change because Manchurian is Bush 3rd term in waiting:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BhBSQxE1Sjs

[JackWOrf]

I think that Romney might be the Anti-Obama. Looking back to that nasty debate he had with McCain, Romney is a real attack dog. He could get under Obama's thin skin. Obama better avoid ever being on the same stage with Mitt Romney.

Heck, Obama's toughest debate opponent so far was some old blonde chick. It might be a different story for him to debate a sneering attack dog. Obama better be careful of Mitt Romney.

But who is the O-Man going to pick? Will it be Hillary, the match made in Heaven? I still think that that is BY FAR the strongest ticket. I don't care what anybody says. They're all IDIOTS in the DNC. Who else but an idiot would disenfranchise Democrats in Florida and Michigan?

The Dems will probably pick some loser, and, as always, snatch defeat from the jaws of certain victory. Heck, Mickey Mouse could win this election if he were a Democrat. But I'm not so sure about Obama.

[dawlishgal]

What nasty debate? When did Romney ever win a debate about anything? It would be GREAT to have two spoiled brat legacies-- one military, the other corporate, who both merchandised their fathers' achievements into political power power for themselves-- running on the same ticket. Especially when they have Karl Rove advising them to paint Obama as "THE elitist."

[FirstShirt]

Right, one of which was elected governor in the hotbed of liberalism and the Kennedy's own state.

[CarbonDate]

From "some old blonde chick" to "match made in Heaven" in one paragraph!

[JackWOrf]

Actually, making fun of Romney's Mormonism is a little like making fun of Obama's Moslemism. I doubt that it's significant in either case.

I think that Romney looks the most presidential of all of the candidates. He is the most "president­ial-lookin­g" of all 20-odd nominees of both parties. He's an excellent choice for the Republicans: Former Gov of a liberal state, he can reach across the aisle. He is relatively independent and rejects "Washington". He's filthy rich, which is good for McCain, since he is limited in funds (unlike Senator Hypocrite).

I think that its a good thing for the Republicans to nominate the best possible person. Then in the event that the Democrats lose, we won't have 2 total idiots for the next 4 years.

Altho I am loyal Democrat, even tho I am treated like scum (being a Florida evil-doer who committed the heinous crime of voting early), I have great faith in the Democratic Party's ability to snatch defeat from the jaws of certain victory. And what better way to do that then to nominate a black candidate?

Well, Obama might win. Maybe.

[historyprof]

Your first sentence affirms that Rove-inspired innuendos are penetrating the American psyche. Obama never has been a Muslim, no matter how many times that rumor is whispered. Romney is a Mormon, and always has been. Your comparison is not valid.

I've never understood the comment "looks presidential." Does that mean that someone is tall, or has a good head of hair, or looks like a male model, or looks like Ulysses S. Grant or Abraham Lincoln? Voting for a President because of his looks is even more ridiculous than voting for someone you think might be fun to have a beer with. Millions of Americans did that in 2000 and 2004, and look what a mess that resulted for the U. S. and the world.

As far as your statement that Romney would be a good choice because he is "filthy rich, which is good for McCain, since he is limited in funds," are you not aware that McCain's wife has a fortune estimated at over $100 million? The McCains own eight houses across the country. Divorcing his first wife and marrying Cindy and her inherited fortune enabled John McCain to launch his political career. McCain is one of the richest Senators in Congress. He has already saved his campaign lots of money by flying to campaign events on the family's private jet. He is in not impoverished, and will probably end up tapping into the family's wealth to fund part of his campaign, as Hillary Clinton did.

[NTO08]

I hate to inform you, but America does care about looks...JFK beat Nixon after the debate that sealed the deal for him: Nixon was sweating bullets while JFK looked calm, cool and collected...and don't think JFK also wasn't helped by looking young and attractive.

It may sound ridiculous to you, but that is what sometimes matters to voters...

[Gorestro]

it;s easy to attack Mitt Romney because he is a Mormon conservative. The mix of his religion and his politics is a legitimate issue because too many Mormon conservatives are very intolerant against those who do not share same political beliefs as they do.

Harry Reid is a Mormon - and a Democrat - and many Mormon conservatives sent him nasty letters and even called names to him and his family only because they are Democrats.

You cannot tolerate religious right-wing extremists who do not even tolerate their own church members' political differences.

http://www.adherents.com/largecom/lds_Reid.html

Also, when Larry King asked Al Gore about Mitt Romney's Mormon faith, Gore said that being a Mormon is not a problem but he said:

"[There are] some people who want to convey the impression that God belongs, if not to a particular political party, that God has a particular political ideology and that those who disagree with a right-wing approach to this or that are against God. That is an anti-American view. That is completely contrary to the spirit of America. It is an American heresy and people in both parties ought to reject that and fight against it."

http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0705/26/lkl.01.html

[jonl]

Congratulations, this post made my head hurt. Practically every sentence begs for rebuttal, even the first. So, here goes. 1.) Mocking Romney's actual religion, while perhaps juvenile (but fun--try it with any religion) is different from mocking the religion Obama practices in your fantasy world. 2.) Do you doubt anyone cares about a candidate's religion? And if a candidate's faith and people's reaction are so insignificant why misrepresent Obama's? 3.) Well, that's important--look how well it worked out for Fred Thompson. 4.) You repeated your point (sic) in sentence 3. 5.) If they really hate winning. 6.) Can and won't, since the VP doesn't do much reaching. 6.) He rejects it so much he spent much of his personal fortune trying to get "there"--I don't know why I used quotation marks either. 7.) McCain limited in funds? You've heard of his wife? Rich beer heiress ring any bells? Sly old Senator Hypocrite had to get donations from regular people instead of nobly ditching his first wife and marrying a hotter, richer new one. 8.) Possibly the most banal observation I have ever read. 9.) We're talking about different people now? 10.) Gosh yes, cheating should always go unpunished. Altho and tho are not words, evil-doer. 11.) We finally agree. 12.) Wow--should we emulate Republicans and only pretend to like them? 13 and 14.) Very insightful descriptions of why there are elections.

[eden4barack08]

Jonl, excellent reply!

You cured the hurt my head felt from that comment too! Thanks.

[FirstShirt]

Yeah, Joni, really good mocking. I am always amused by secular humanists who apparently believe in the ultimate grace of humanity. The history of humanity notwithstanding. Keep up the mocking. And, if I were you i certainly wouldn't emulate Republicans. That would result in winning, more often than not. I would keep up your trend with guys like Spitzer and Clinton. You guys have done such an amazing job in congress. Just sterling.

[acv]

Jack – Obviously you’re not from Massachusetts. As a resident and state government employee, I can tell you two things about our former governor. He never reached across the isle, ever, and the most important thing, the more you know him, the more you dislike him. Added point of interest – in his last year of office he was out of the state about 200 days. When he ran for governor he promised to stay for two terms. Obviously he barely made it for one term. When he left office the folks here in Massachusetts knew one thing for sure – Mitt Romney could care less about the state or the people in it. That's his true character.

[sisterdebmac]

Why is Romney the only "president­ial-lookin­g" of all the candidates? Because he has preacher hair? Wait, who's the idiot again?

[Scarllatti]

Mitt de Romney will make a entertaining caricature if he is on the ticket. I am praying that McSame picks him. You know Mitt has an inflated opinion about himself. After all, Mitt "organized the Olympics".

[NotFooledByDistractions]

I didn't think anyone could out do Bush as the worst president in my lifetime...until now.

It'd be dumb and dumber runnin' the show.

[Heavenhelpusall]

Do you think McLame would be okay with having such a good looking guy around his wife? Some guys might feel a little insecure. Can you imagine the pictures with Barbie and Ken at their Malibu crib? Like, pass me the tanning lotion, Mitty.

[NTO08]

The Obamaloons are going to have to come up with something better than this...didn't we hear so many decry the Repugs' slurs against John Edwards as the Breck Girl? This is equally infantile...don't be jealous of someone who looks good. It makes you look bad...very bad.

I don't care for Romney's religion...but then again, we aren't choosing him as President, are we now, and since when should religion matter when choosing a candidate?

If one can dismiss Obama's one-time affiliation with a church that has had (and still has) whacky ministers, then we can also dismiss the odd ball beliefs of Mitt's church.

[DragonMama]

Difference: Obama was raised Atheist/Agnostic and the United Church of Christ is fairly non-dogmatic, generally focusing on Christlike behavior as the goal instead of mouthing the right words. Romney was raised Mormon by Mormons and the Mormon faith is extremely dogmatic and deeply political (see the press release about their working toward the California anti-gay-marriage vote).

Wacky ministers only half-listened to as an adult (who was there more for community anyway from the looks of things - same reason I go to church, I really don't care what the ministers say most Sundays lately), or being raised enmeshed in a faith based upon racism (such as why Native Americans aren't white-skinned) and other "wacky" ideas. Not talking apple varieties here.

[rwt1138]

You know, I have actually been thinking that what the McCain ticket is missing is a rich white guy who is completely out of touch with the concerns and troubles of day-to-day Americans who wants to continue the wars in the middle east indefinitely and cut taxes for the wealthy while continuing to restrict gay rights and abortion; someone truly committed to representing corporate America's values.

[DragonMama]

damn you, you made me spray coffee out my nose!

[FirstShirt]

Right, keep focusing on the issues. God knows there aren't any rich white democrats.

[rwt1138]

Wha. . . .?!?!?

FAIL

[SpectCon]

It's almost certainly going to be Romney. It will simply come down to whether the McCain camp believes he can win Michigan for him. My guess is they'll think he can (they'll have underestimated the massive African American turnout, but, oh well, sucks to be them). Romney shouldn't cost them any votes, and would be big help in Nevada.

My money is on Romney, and don't sell him short, it's a wise choice.

[ashenthorn]

Absolutely Romney is the wisest choice for McCain. The only hope for McCain's moribund, backsliding campaign (besides a terror attack or a military event involving Iran) is to quickly prove that he is ahead in a Kerry 04 state and gaining momentum, since Obama has already identifed 6-8 Bush 04 states that could turn and McCain won't be able to hold them all. McCain could quickly select Romney (now not later), drop him in Michigan and let him stay there and pound the pavement until election day (Romney also might take one of Obama's target states - Nevada - off the table). These other names that are being floated about - Pawlenty, Sanford, Palin - only make sense to a candidate that's up by 10 points, 10 years younger than McCain and not basing his entire rational for election that the president (and by neccessity the vice president) MUST be an ultra seasoned (meaning old) national security and foreign affairs expert in these dangerous times. If McCain doesn't do something fast, Republicans are going to wake up in a couple months to find that even Texas is polling even. By, then it's too late for them.

[Titonwan]

You sure know you some republican. I don't know if that's good or bad.

[cindysundancer]

I beg to differ. The Baptist Bible belters don't trust the "Morons". Mitt would drag down the ticket in Dixie.

[NTO08]

Massive turnout has to be assured...but then again, the GOP has its time-honored methods of making those votes disappear...don't think they won't do it again.