Mitt Romney's Jesus is Just as Good as the Leading Brand
A lot of people think Mitt Romney chose to give his religion speech this week because he's afraid of the Rev. Mike Huckabee. (A man whose main qualifications for the Oval Office are a personal relationship with Jesus and the ability to lose weight.) Mike is breathing down Mitt's neck in Iowa, which can't be pleasant, because bulimics have terrible breath.
I think there's a simpler explanation and, touchingly, it has to do with faith. Mitt Romney made his religion speech during Hanukkah because he's the only candidate oily enough to burn for eight days.
If you missed the speech, it can be summed up pretty simply: He proclaimed the right of every American to freely and openly practice any religion, including his own, about which he won't divulge a single detail, even if you killed his children right in front of him, one after another.
And he doesn't care which of you atheist bastards and Islamic jihadists know it.
Now just give me your vote, and stop bothering me with all these questions. I've spent a lot of money.
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It got a little slippery there for a second, what with name-checking Kennedy and Lincoln - who you'd think would have less to say about religion and more about gun control - but it came down to this:
1- Mitt loves religious freedom.
2- You love religious freedom.
3- Religious freedom is being threatened by atheists and people who ask Mitt a lot of fool questions about his relatives in the Star System Kolob.
4- If Mitt answers these questions, the ACLU will come to your town and kick over your crèche.
5- As long as we all love Jesus (or something more or less Jesus-ish) we can agree to disagree about the details.
6- If we disagree about the details, Jihadists will come and unstrenghen your family.
7- Wasn't it cool when George Bush Sr. crashed his plane and got picked up by that submarine?
8- I swear this was Mitt's opener.
9- Hey, George Bush is patriarchal and fell from the sky. Why don't we worship him?
Okay, to you and me it's all just the same old runny dogshit. You weren't going to vote for him anyway. Because you're reading a website, and computers work because of science. But did Romney make the sale to the evangelical values voters, the ones who pray people like us get struck down by a just and loving God, and it's painful and slow, and the sooner the better?
I don't think so.
Here's the difficult passage, the one Mitt raced through like the side effects of Nasonex:
There is one fundamental question about which I often am asked. What do I believe about Jesus Christ? I believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God and the Savior of mankind. My church's beliefs about Christ may not all be the same as those of other faiths. Each religion has its own unique doctrines and history. These are not bases for criticism but rather a test of our tolerance. Religious tolerance would be a shallow principle indeed if it were reserved only for faiths with which we agree.
In other words: I'm glad you asked that question. I'm not going to answer it. As a tribute to this great land of ours.
Because here's the thing that Mitt Romney can't say: The Mormon Jesus has about as much in common with Jesus of Nazareth as the Los Angeles Kings have with King Tut. They have the same name, kind of, and that's it.
The Gospel Jesus lived in Galilee. The Mormon Jesus lived in Albany. (Where he fought the Indians. Because he wasn't just the Lamb of God, he was also the Last of the Mohicans.) Mormon Jesus? Three wives, a planetful of kids. Gospel Jesus? Living alone and loving it.
It doesn't even have the theological weight to be heresy; it's a simple case of mistaken identity.
And I know that sounds like I'm being flip, but that's only because I don't care. But if it matters to you, it really, really matters.
Mitt Romney wants Christians to think that Mormonism is just another "brand." (He called it a brand earlier this week, in Manchester. Which is how most really devoted people talk about their faith.) But most Christians are pretty brand loyal. It's kind of important to them. They didn't just choose their church for the parking. They like to think they've put some thought into it.
Evelyn Waugh thought that the difference between the real church (Roman Catholicism) and some fake-o crap (Anglicanism) was so obvious that if you couldn't figure it out, it was your problem. He said that trying to explain it was like trying to teach an Australian about architecture.
Mitt Romney doesn't want to explain anything. He just wants to blur the distinctions, change the subject, and make the sale.
Mitt Romney isn't proud of his faith. If he were, he wouldn't react to questions about it like he'd just been asked to describe his parents having sex.
He could put this whole thing to rest by answering one question about his Jesus, just so we know we've got the right guy: Was he Satan's brother? If the answer is "yes" -- and the Book of Mormon says it is -- Mitt and Pat Robertson are talking about two totally different Middle Eastern drifters.
See where profiling will get you?
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Now its up to the Huckabee camp to get the word out about what mormons really believe.
Was he Satan's brother? If the answer is "yes" -- and the Book of Mormon says it is...
Thus Spake Zarathustr
WOW. Its nice to hear that other people think this way. Great Article!
My question is why does mitt get so much support from mormons who will obviously vote only for him. But if an atheist or a Christian wants to vote for their own guy all of a sudden were bigots? I heard this speech and thought wow he said nothing but America what wacky stuff I believe is none of your business, I'm a Christian to even if we believe totally different things.
If your best friend is a Joe Smith from Australia who is 60 and has a big bushy beard is 6' 10" 600 lbs and one leg. And My best friend Joe Smith is a 18 year old who's 5' 0" 98 lbs and lives in New York. WE DONT HAVE THE SAME BEST FRIEND! I dont care if they have the same name and we both think their great guys.
Mitt its cause your a mormon your getting support from mormons Im sure no one else has raked as much cash out of Utah. So now your going to say that Christians and agnostics and buddists and everyone whos not you have to support you because otherwise their bigots and un American? I dont want Jim Jones being president so im not going to vote for him. I could vote for a Muslim President A Christian one an Atheist one Deist Agnostic ect... But I wont vote for someone who says oh your picking on me for my wacky beliefs. Look at Obama some people actually dont like him because of something he cant control, his race. I really dont hear him whining as loud as you (dont hear him whining at all actually). Im White but I respect Obama a lot, and the man has character.
Mitt you have no character.
I'll give Mitt one thing, he KNOWS his politics and his economics:
It's much, much more cost effective to make people hate Mexicans than to stop hiring them.
It seems like the Muslim view of Jesus is closer to the Christian one than the Mormon view is.
But in the immortal words of philospher Bart Simpson, "Your little stupid differences are nothing compared to your big stupid similarites".
I would write something witty but I'm too busy listening to the stones in my hat.
It's fun watching the religious right paint themselves into a corner. Because now they have to admit: it's not just about being a person of faith, unlike those nasty secularists in the 2% or whatever we're at lately, it's about having the ONE AND TRUE faith.
In America, we keep religion out of public life not to avoid offending atheists, but to prevent a religious war from breaking out between different congregations or sects. Mitt believes in a god who seems sufficiently mean-spirited to get the Conservative Christian Stamp of Approval (unlike those "fake" Christians Jesse Jackson, Jimmy Carter, and-- oh to hell with it-- *any* Democrat). But because he's a Mormon, that's not good enough.
That's in 2007. In 2011, you won't be a real Christian unless you belong to a SuperChurch in Houston, and sit in the front row, in an even numbered seat (if the numbers are in fact still left on the seats from the Houston Rockets days of the arena).
Meanwhile, Huckabee is a "good" Christian but he doesn't know very much about bombing Islamic countries into a fine powder, so Pat Robertson endorses the "pro-gay," "pro-choice," divorced New Yorker Rudy Giuliani, maybe because his extremist notions of foreign policy will bring about the End of Days sooner and Pat's network would get a real ratings boost when Jesus appears live, in person, one millennium only.
Okay....en
It got me sick in my stomach to watch and listen to Chris Matthew and his roundtable praise and laud Mitt Romney's speech. What a ripoff to the American people Romney did. He didn't give a speech about his Mormonism, he gave strictly a political speech, he wanted the American people to see the American flags drapped around him as he posed presidentially giving this nothing but political talk, and it wasn't fair to the other candidates. It was like a speechrape or something because it was NOTHING. He never talked about Mormonism, never spoke of the book they use, it is not the Holy Bible, it is the Gideon Book or something, and they are called "..Of Latter Day Saints". He talked nothing of this, and to put someone like this in the white house would be wrong. What if his cult is like what Jim Jones did, one day you look up and all his followers have taken poison because of that nutcase leader, what he believed. Anyway, to all those who claim Romney gave such a great speech, they are as lost as he is.
Religion has become such a distraction over the last 7 years in our political system that it has begun to interfere in the real job of politicians to provide a sound economic platform, adequate health care for its citizens, educational opportunities for everyone,a legal system that supports our Constitution and a foreign policy that prevents wars and establishes good trade relations with other countries.
Instead, what we get is a bunch of religious busy-bodies trying to sell their brand of religion while totally ignoring the ethical principles needed to offer the basis of a just and fair society.
Osama bin Laden, Jim Jones, and David Koresh were very religious , they just weren't very ethical.
We need to have the courage to stand up and say to our candidates, "Leave politics our of my religion.G
"Religion shouldn't be a consideration for running for office or winning any office, but it is. The GOP (God Opinion Party) has made a candidates profession of faith a 'Certification of Authenticity' on some selectable Values. Values that always appear to be the wedge or rallying social issues used to appeal to the self righteous Flock needing something to be pissed off about. This time one of these Values is religion itself."
Religion should be a consideration when all the adherents who don't obey in lockstep are excommunicated, said religion got its own state where they could go be nuts by themselves, that it was started by a convicted fraud who was out pulling diving rod scams, that the story evolved over the years to its current form
Mormon is Scientology 1840, the patterns of development are virtually identical, so many aspects, especially down to the secrecy of what goes on inside the temple are the same. It's a fraud and a sham and the entire leadership should be arrested and their assets seized. How much of Salt Lake City has to be sold to the Church before someone does something? They've purchased several public parks to stifle free speech.
So yes, I have a major major problem with any Mormon in the office, because if you think Bush's theocracy is bad, wait till you see Mormons.
I watched the sales pitch, ooops I mean 'the most important speech of the campaign season, (if not the most important speech ever given, ever). And then afterwards, and this is both unfortunate and graphic (small children, leave the room) I had to watch Chris Matthews have another on the air orgasm. Yes, it seems Chrissy is in love again, with the the guy that 'looks so presidential, his looks are presidential, tall and good looking...
Back to the Amway Sales Guy, ooops I mean the most hot looking, sort of Christian, Ken Doll guy ever to run for political office, ever. The only reason I tuned in was to put to rest the rumors that the Mormon Wild White Stallion is actually responsible for knocking up Mary. If so, is that why she and all other Mormon women have to wear long scratchy underwear? It would make sense. Sort of a Burka for the crotch? And whats the deal with Jell-O. Holy Jell-O. I don't get it. Body of Christ? Jiggles when it wiggles? What?
But all I got was that he Willard of the secret religion, and he alone could defend the 'holy light of our God given freedom'. Holy smoke and mirrors. Here we go again.
You crack me up. truly funny, and, all too sadly, true. to those thinking of voting for mitt, check out more of the mormon "faith." I couldn't care less who or what they worship, but, oo-wee! better yet, just watch the "south park" synopsis."
Mitt just might be the second coming of Ronald Regan. He believes in little green men, and Ronald and Nancy didn't budge each day till they had their astrology briefing. He looks good too, as Regan did, and is totally out of touch with reality.
It seems, for the most part, the only people that care about Romney's religion is the left. I know some on the right have questions but the bigger deal is made by the left who will not vote for him anyway so who really gives a crap. Like any candidate the Independents are the key, unless you find a way to give illegals the right to vote, not those that would vote for you no matter who your are just because you are a Democrat or Republican. If the Democrats had a moderate candidate like a JFK I would vote for them in a heart beat. But in todays Democratic Party that candidate would never see the light of day. And Hillary, she may get the Kool-Aid drinking left to vote for her but the Independents I doubt it. Her unfavorables are way to high and most Independents do not want Bill back in the Whitehouse. And the best candidate as far as experience is Richardson but Obama would fit the Kennedy mold. Hillary will stomp mudholes in both of them. As far as the Republicans, they also will vote blindly for who ever the candidate happens to be. Since it is religion day I have have a quote for you from Ecclesiastes 10:2; A wise man's heart is at his right hand; but a fool's heart at his left. Enough said.
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