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Chris Kelly

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Pitch Notes

Posted: 03/10/2013 8:04 pm

I don't know what the agents told you, but this isn't a half-hour. I love half-hours, don't get me wrong, and people are doing great things. Especially (name show on network). Amazing. But what I really want to do is the kind of dark, edgy, noisy, sexy kind of long-form, serialized, character-driven story telling you can only do in hours. You know?

The kind of thing where an actress who's not in movies anymore gets to play the living shit out of a judge/profiler/bail-bondsman/senator/school principal/nun who's also a drug addict/alcoholic/nymphomaniac/cutter who speaks in tongues.

And I have this idea I love. It's totally getable but it's also sort of... out there. That's why I thought of you guys first. I shouldn't say this, but this is something I could only do here on HBO (Showtime/FX/Starz/AMC/Netflix/Disney XD).

Here's the set up:

Our main character is a woman cop. Divorced. Not a kid anymore. I'm thinking mid-forties. But if Debra Winger wanted to do it I could totally age her up. (I mean, come on. Debra Winger.) Or Geena Davis if that other thing falls through. Bonnie Bedelia? Sure.

She's been on "the job" for 20 years -- 30, if it's Debra Winger -- and she still hasn't made detective. Still a uniform -- maybe it's a glass ceiling thing, maybe she likes it. Doesn't want to be behind a desk. Whatever. We don't know. Why wasn't Nurse Jackie a doctor, right?

So she's got a hot young partner. Latino or could be Indian. Not important. They're totally friends with benefits. Maybe the first time we see them he's going down on her in the squad car. I dunno. Just a thought. Do that thing at the end of the pilot where we reveal that he's married to someone else. Love that. Never gets old. Okay, so you see Sam -- her name's Sam, because she's a woman in a quality drama, so she's either got a man's name or she goes by initials -- and we establish that she's good at her job. But she's taking shit on the phone from I dunno, her ex, her grown kids off at college. There's some kind of bad history there. She was always too committed to her work, something, something...

I know... you're waiting for the other shoe to drop. Stay with me...

We see her and Rajiv busting some scumbags at a dog fight/meth lab/sex slave dungeon for Christian hypocrites. Could blow up, but doesn't have to blow up. Doesn't have to be expensive. Sam kicks the shit out of everyone. She's pretty mad because of the domestic stuff, or she's having hot flashes or someone called her "ma'am" or something.

And the main bad guy makes a break for it, and she runs him down -- because she's still in great shape. Unless it's Candice Bergen, then it's a car chase. Anyway, she finds herself alone with the bad guy, she's got him cornered, and he says, "Go ahead, take me in, I'll never serve a day, you don't know who I am" all that stuff...

And she eats him.

Because she's a Cannibal Cop.

Yeah, like the guy in New York. Only for real. So it's got that built-in awareness. And she only eats bad guys. And it doesn't have to be New York. Could New Orleans. Wherever's cheap.

It's like Walking Dead meets The Closer.

Bette Midler? That's a different direction, but it could totally work. What did I just see her in?

 
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