THE BLOG
11/23/2007 10:47 pm ET Updated May 25, 2011

Ron Silver isn't a Racist, You Are

How did Ron Silver not have a blog? It's like Paris Hilton not having gonorrhea. You just assumed it was there, and no one told you, because it was so obvious.

But it's true. Ron Silver didn't have a blog. Until now.

It's called "Silver Bullet." Because Ron Silver has gonorrhea. No, that's not true. That would be "magic bullet." It's called Silver Bullet because Ron Silver is a lot like the Lone Ranger. Who also didn't have any friends.

Another amazing thing about Ron Silver? It took him all the way until his second blog entry before he accused opponents of the Iraq War of being racists.

Let me walk you through it, because there's not much light, the steps are slippery and the head clearance is low.

To start with, Ron Silver has a lot to say about the kind of guy Ron Silver is, and the kind of things that a guy like Ron Silver believes.

Others were "content with Saddam in power in a post 9/11 world. I (Ron Silver) was not."

He's a revolutionary liberal from right of the left of center who resists reactionaries, and believes in the Bush Doctrine to project American power, expand freedom and, uhm, seek out new worlds and new civilizations and boldly go where no man has gone before.

Also, when he finds himself a-fallin' for some girl, he hops right into his car, and drives around the world because he's the wanderer. Or maybe I'm thinking of Dion.

Ron Silver counts himself "firmly in the tradition of Wilson, FDR, Truman, Kennedy... Reagan and George W. Bush." Except, of course, they're all presidents, and he's the bad guy from Timecop.

So far - and he only just started - Silver Bullet is about 50% tragic tough guy palaver, like a small dog barking at the fridge, and 50% Kingfish-style pseudo-formalize, the kind used by actors who've played too many lawyers.

Why else would a grown-up write something like:

"I've become increasingly disadmired by members of my profession,"

or

"George W. Bush: a revolutionary liberal internationalist? History may so decree,"

unless they weren't very smart.

We'll give him that. But there's no excuse for:

"worldwide, malignant, metastatic Islamic jihadism,"

unless you're blowing someone, and they like the way nonsense words make your mouth move. It's not Paddy Chayefsky, it's Pat the Bunny.

And then we come to:

"My friends sound a bit racist when they insist on Arab-Muslim incapacities to expand freedoms and maintain their faith."

Here's the first thing that's wrong with that statement: Everyone knows Ron Silver doesn't have any friends.

Here's the second thing wrong with it: It's a canard so baseless and tired and slanderous and vile, President Bush hardly ever uses it anymore.

It seems like a non sequitur - not slaughtering Arabs proves you don't respect them - but logically it's a perfectly functional modus tollendo ponens:

- George Bush wants to bring democracy to the Muslims by bombing the living fuck out of them.

- Susan Sarandon doesn't want to bomb the living fuck out of the Muslims.

- Therefore Susan Sarandon doesn't believe the Muslims can understand democracy.

Or maybe it proves that Susan Sarandon isn't George Bush.

Either way, the logic is fine. The problem lies with the first statement -- the antecedent of the material conditional: Carpet Bombing = Respect. It's debatable without anyone calling anyone else a racist.

Or maybe it's right, but it's only partially right. Sure, massacres are one way to show our high hopes for democratic institutions taking root in the Middle East. But there could be others, too.

This is related to the problem with the equation Arabs + Being Killed = Voters. Because it's possible that the best way to make people vote isn't killing them.

Or that Susan Sarandon disagrees, but not on racial grounds.

It's also possible that Ron Silver understands the Arab mind like cats can cut hair, and he should stick to things he understands, if he can find one.

Ron Silver signs off:

"My philosophy, at the end of the day, bottom line, as they say: 'Sticks and stones may break my bones, but labels never hurt me.'"

So he won't mind if I say he's a dipstick.

--

Ron Silver is exceptionally good in Lovesick. If you haven't seen it, you really should. It's not a great movie or anything. But he's terrific.