Sarah Palin Might Not Know What a Platform Is

Yesterday Sarah Palin did a phone interview with James Dobson of Focus on the Family. Most of it went pretty well -- lucky, he's a creep who likes children, that's an important sign; lucky, she's an asshole with children, small world, isn't it? -- but there was one ugly gotcha question:

Dobson:

The Republican Platform is the strongest pro-life, pro-family document to come out of a political party, even more so than the platforms during the campaigns of Ronald Reagan. There are principles there that I've been fighting for for thirty, forty years and you are trying to articulate those same principles, aren't you?

Oh jeez.

See, the problem here, for most Republican politicians, is that the platform is horrifying. A catalogue of revenge dreams and power fantasies, impossible and illegal, most of them involving women and scourging. It's the portrait in the attic of what Republican rule would look like, if the zealot half took over and pushed out the half who are just in it for the money.

It's not what you'd call a moderate document. Bob Dole, famously, claimed he never even read it.

That's what makes it a gotcha question, for most candidates. How to get around it. For Sarah Palin, what makes it a gotcha question is that I'm pretty sure she doesn't know that her party has a platform, or what one is.

He might as well be asking her the atomic weight of unbinilium.

So she goes into Palin bluff mode. What words does she have to work with from the question? "Platform." Good. We know that word. It's like a deck. "Pro-life." We heard about that at church. "Reagan." He was sort of like a young John McCain. Got it. Go.

Palin:

Absolutely, and Dr. Dobson thank you so much for recognizing that. This is a strong platform around the planks in this platform that respect life and respect the entrepreneurial spirit of this great country and those things, back to the social issues that are what Republicans, at least in the past, had articulated and tried to stand on.

Pause. Did that do it? Wait for next question. Darn it, he's not saying anything. That's okay, we can do this. Deep breath.

Palin:

Now, finally, we have very solid planks in the platform that will allow us to build an even stronger foundation for our country. It's all good and it's encouraging. You would maybe have assumed that we would have gotten further away from those strong planks. But no, they're there, they're solid, we stand on them and again I believe that it is the right agenda for the country at this time. Very, very clear and contrasted tickets in this election November 4th. People are going to see the clear contrasts, you just go to the planks in our platforms and that's where you see them.

And... done. Teacher, is that clock slow?

But Dobson isn't finished. He has a follow up. This must be what hell feels like.

Dobson:

In your private conversations with Senator McCain, it is your impression that he also strongly supports those views? I know that he did not oppose that platform when it was written. Do you think he will implement it?

I just remembered, I have an early out for band. Gotta go! No? Okay. Could you repeat the question?

What are the new words? "McCain" and "implement." Implement means "do."

Palin:

I do, from the bottom of my heart. I am such a strong believer that McCain believes in those strong planks and we do have good conversations about some of the details of the different planks and what they represent. I'm very heartened that John McCain ... he doesn't want a Vice President who will check the opinions ... of me at the door and we talk about some of these and they're very important. It's most important though, as you're suggesting, that Americans know that John McCain is solidly there on those solid planks in our platform that build the right agenda for America.

Nailed it! Pencils down.

She's such a desperate doofus. I'm glad she has nice clothes.

I think we might actually miss Sarah Palin. But we won't know until she goes away.

Comments

[BigPictureReg]

I shake my head every time I see a McCain/Palin bumper sticker or yard sign, as in,"... you, too, will support an elderly one on the way out and a younger dunce on the way in, just as long as they're wearing an R on their sleeve...."

God help us from those that would sell out all the rest of us just to maintain their own sense of rotting, stonewalling, comfortable stasis.

[LiarLiarIraqsOnFire]

Hoisted upon her own platform!

[AnalyzeIT]

Ahhhhhhh can we say: Lauren Caitlin Upton BEST KNOWN FOR her incoherent response to a question that was asked of her during the Miss Teen USA 2007 pageant.

As part of a question and answer portion of the 2007 Miss Teen USA pageant, Upton was asked by the questioner Aimee Teegarden, "Recent polls have shown a fifth of Americans can't locate the U.S. on a world map. Why do you think this is?"

Upton responded:

I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uh, some, people out there in our nation don't have maps and, uh, I believe that our, uh, education like such as, uh, South Africa and, uh, the Iraq, everywhere like such as, and, I believe that they should, our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S., uh, or, uh, should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries, so we will be able to build up our future, for our children.

Are these two related, i.e. Palin and Upton?

[franksters]

Where do the Republicans get these people who are unable to formulate coherent sentences? I mean, really....it's been hard enough to tolerate Bushspeak for the past 8 years. I cannot imagine having to listening to her much longer. Please go away, Sarah, please!

[solanus]

she likes that word; "planks" it's just a fill in word for her because she doesn't know where she is going

[hellonurse]

OMG, really? No seriously.­...really?­??? I think I need to forward this to my mother who is a Palin supporter and show her what this trainwreck is all about. Seriously, planks??????

[kevmo]

Uhh, yes that is the term for categories of a party platform. Seriously.

[feyangel]

One thing I love about HuffPost is that after I have heard or read some comment like Palin made here-- I often question my cognitive abilities or my sanity-- cos OMG no VP candiate could possibly have said something so vapid and dumb. Then I check out HuffPost a day or two after I made my observation and some commentator (or a person acknowledged by many as having something inteligent to say) says the same thing. I am grateful for the "touchstone" to Reality HuffPost has been for me this election.

[excitablerooster]

"I personally believe....that some people don't have maps.......and the Iraq...."

[jezzabella]

OMG!

[LeftLeanWing]

She's sounds like one of the pageant contestants that pull a tough question out of the fish bowl..

Just keep talking and throwing words around and mention all of the 'U.S. Americans as such and also'

[LeftLeanWing]

For the nerds in the house:

Unbinilium (pronounced /ˌʌnbɪˈnɪliəm/), also called eka-radium, is the temporary, systematic element name of an undiscovered chemical element in the periodic table that has the temporary symbol Ubn and has the atomic number 120.

[mazees]

Elitist! ;-)

[MrBurlesk]

My, but your pen is sharp!!! Great article. Thank You!

[BatedBreath]

Of course I know what a platform is. A platform is a shoe style. Yup, Yup. You betcha

Conservatively yours,
Sarah

[hallelujahanyway]

Beautifully written, painful to read.

[ActWrite]

Excellent observations, Chris! I find it ironic that she uses the word "articulate", yet when you read these sentences aloud, they make no sense. I see it in almost every transcript of her stump speeches and rare interviews. Her comments are fragments of sentences crammed together, revealing that she obviously cannot think and speak at the same time. Clearly, she doesn't know the answers - period (and didn't she "bone up" on all of this recently?).
When hiring employees, the leader should ask open-ended questions to allow insight into how the candidate thinks, provide understanding to their process, experiences, successes and most importantly - behavior. These answers reveal that Palin is completely unaware of what the right answers are. It's as if Flo the waitress knows how to run Mel's Diner, including all the laws and regulations involved, just because she knows the customers and menu. She can tell you what today's special is, but know idea how to cook it, or what's in it.
I don't think there's enough training in the world to get her on track. If this were a candidate for hire, and she most certainly is, I would tell Recruiting to let this one walk the plank!

[PaHairO]

The clock on lil' sarah reads: 14:59