Sarah Palin Might Not Know What a Platform Is

Yesterday Sarah Palin did a phone interview with James Dobson of Focus on the Family. Most of it went pretty well -- lucky, he's a creep who likes children, that's an important sign; lucky, she's an asshole with children, small world, isn't it? -- but there was one ugly gotcha question:

Dobson:

The Republican Platform is the strongest pro-life, pro-family document to come out of a political party, even more so than the platforms during the campaigns of Ronald Reagan. There are principles there that I've been fighting for for thirty, forty years and you are trying to articulate those same principles, aren't you?

Oh jeez.

See, the problem here, for most Republican politicians, is that the platform is horrifying. A catalogue of revenge dreams and power fantasies, impossible and illegal, most of them involving women and scourging. It's the portrait in the attic of what Republican rule would look like, if the zealot half took over and pushed out the half who are just in it for the money.

It's not what you'd call a moderate document. Bob Dole, famously, claimed he never even read it.

That's what makes it a gotcha question, for most candidates. How to get around it. For Sarah Palin, what makes it a gotcha question is that I'm pretty sure she doesn't know that her party has a platform, or what one is.

He might as well be asking her the atomic weight of unbinilium.

So she goes into Palin bluff mode. What words does she have to work with from the question? "Platform." Good. We know that word. It's like a deck. "Pro-life." We heard about that at church. "Reagan." He was sort of like a young John McCain. Got it. Go.

Palin:

Absolutely, and Dr. Dobson thank you so much for recognizing that. This is a strong platform around the planks in this platform that respect life and respect the entrepreneurial spirit of this great country and those things, back to the social issues that are what Republicans, at least in the past, had articulated and tried to stand on.

Pause. Did that do it? Wait for next question. Darn it, he's not saying anything. That's okay, we can do this. Deep breath.

Palin:

Now, finally, we have very solid planks in the platform that will allow us to build an even stronger foundation for our country. It's all good and it's encouraging. You would maybe have assumed that we would have gotten further away from those strong planks. But no, they're there, they're solid, we stand on them and again I believe that it is the right agenda for the country at this time. Very, very clear and contrasted tickets in this election November 4th. People are going to see the clear contrasts, you just go to the planks in our platforms and that's where you see them.

And... done. Teacher, is that clock slow?

But Dobson isn't finished. He has a follow up. This must be what hell feels like.

Dobson:

In your private conversations with Senator McCain, it is your impression that he also strongly supports those views? I know that he did not oppose that platform when it was written. Do you think he will implement it?

I just remembered, I have an early out for band. Gotta go! No? Okay. Could you repeat the question?

What are the new words? "McCain" and "implement." Implement means "do."

Palin:

I do, from the bottom of my heart. I am such a strong believer that McCain believes in those strong planks and we do have good conversations about some of the details of the different planks and what they represent. I'm very heartened that John McCain ... he doesn't want a Vice President who will check the opinions ... of me at the door and we talk about some of these and they're very important. It's most important though, as you're suggesting, that Americans know that John McCain is solidly there on those solid planks in our platform that build the right agenda for America.

Nailed it! Pencils down.

She's such a desperate doofus. I'm glad she has nice clothes.

I think we might actually miss Sarah Palin. But we won't know until she goes away.

Comments

[leftbehind2000]

This is entirely made up, right? Someone selected to be VP of the United States didn't just make these ridiculous statements, right? OMG...

[gdcb1128]

Actually, I just read it in another article...­word for word. Astonishing, isn't it?

[elbowguts]

I had exactly the same reaction. And the characterization of this style as the preferred strategy of unprepared students across the country is dead on.

But she didn't really say those words, right? Please tell me she didn't.

[zer0rez]

Nice article.

"It's most important though, as you're suggesting, that Americans know that John McCain is solidly there on those solid planks in our platform that build the right agenda for America."

She really has no clue what she or anyone else is talking about does she. If you tune in at the wrong time you'd think she's on a pirate ship. I haven't heard this much about planks since I built a deck on the back of my house...or the last time I went to Long John Silvers and had some fish planks.

[emobile]

The only platform she can comprehend would be platform HEELS. That's what I assumed this article was about.

[sms43]

Uh, Sarah, could you repeat that? I'm not sure I understood your meaning!

[MajorBarbara]

I wish she would walk a friggin' plank. She. Knows. Nothing. It's painful to watch her scramble to construct a sentence (?) about things knows absolutely nothing about.

Good for you, Chris. You nailed her.

[boing007]

Palin:
Absolutely, and Dr. Dobson thank you so much for recognizing that. This is a strong platform around the planks in this platform that respect life and respect the entrepreneurial spirit of this great country and those things, back to the social issues that are what Republicans, at least in the past, had articulated and tried to stand on.

Sounds like she was channelling Joe the Carpenter here.

[azureblue]

Palin is a con artist- a grifter. She actually thought she could BS her way into the Whitehouse, using beauty agent smiles & charm, but she is really small time. And now her con artist ways are exposed for all to see. Even though it is a given that she will lose the race, this is better for Alaska, becasue it exposes her for what she is, and maybe they can get her out of office before she does too much damage..

Like Bush has done to America..

[fightforpeace]

also, too, there is many reason to believe that Obama and Obiden don't support these very fundamental platforms rights that all pro-American people should, like only John Mcain and myself feel that, by golly, I know that I and many other pro-American people don't want to be under these planks that the Obama campaign is supporting, we would much rather be on top where we can proudly be a part of a better, more solid and American first, type of platform, ya know ; )...

[gdcb1128]

from the bottom of my heart.

[Irishfly]

Another brilliant post, Chris! "Desperate doofus" is exactly what she is, hiding under a beehive and a $150k wardrobe.

[Classof89]

Palin: "This is a strong platform around the planks in this platform that respect life and respect the entrepreneurial spirit of this great country and those things, back to the social issues that are what Republicans, at least in the past, had articulated and tried to stand on."

WTH is this? And they actually voted 'this' governor of a state?

The only platform that she knows, I'm sure, are the shoes.

[Lorifromky]

-Not even Tiny Fey could make this BS up!

[stupidllama]

she doesnt have to make anything up, she just repeats whatever palin says and its funny, its funny when a comedian says it but when she says it, its just sad.

[ricardow]

How can we miss you if you won't go away?

[CyrusBeaucephus]

the pain the pain please make her stop talking--I'll do anything--well almost anything, I sure as hell won't vote for her

this is a joke right, John McCain? You picked her as a joke?

Country First---vote for the adults ---Obama/Biden

[dagdavid]

"All those planks for the platform. What we have is a platform of planks and those very planks make a strong platform. . . " This interview should have been on the DIY network not christian right radio.

[NoMoFearNoMoHate]

I read recently that Republicans biggest fear is that Obama wins and his plans will work to improve the lot of the poor and middle class and that the Democrats lock up a plurality of American voters for the foreseeable future.

In other words:

Republicans don't want the lives of the middle class and the poor to improve.