The Delicate Subject of John McCain's Marbles

"Evil must be defeated!" -- John McCain 8/16/08

"Enough is enough! We're going to put an end to greed!" -- John McCain 9/17/08

It's inspiring to know that John McCain has a plan to end greed. I just hope it doesn't distract him from his mission to defeat evil. Either way, it has to kick the shit out of whatever Barack Obama's got on the docket, with his empty words and pie-in-the-sky promises.

America's choice is clear. Barack Obama, a messianic egomaniac who thinks he's, like, our savior or something, or John McCain, who will defeat evil and put an end to greed.

John McCain will not only take on special interests and Washington insiders, he'll fundamentally alter human nature. And without raising taxes, either. He'll lead us to a sort of martial nirvana where all other emotions are replaced with patriotism, and turn the United States into a shining, selfless, bipartisan cross between heaven and Sparta.

Or maybe he's just a desperate shell of a man, babbling glorp.

If Reverend Wright went around shouting stuff like "We're going to put an end to greed!" people would start thinking he was some kind of fruitcake.

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You might think "I'll end greed" would be the most mortifying thing John McCain could say at one sitting. You'd be wrong. At Wednesday's town hall -- his first with Sarah Palin -- he topped himself with this explanation of her credentials:

"She has been commander in chief of the Alaska National Guard. Fact. On September 11 a contingent of the Guard deployed to Iraq and her son happened to be one of them so I think she understands national security challenges."

Which is fine except:

The governor of Alaska doesn't command the National Guard in combat overseas.

Sarah Palin didn't deploy anyone anywhere on September 11th. She was a guest speaker at an Army deployment ceremony.

Track Palin isn't in the National Guard; he's in the Army.

Sometimes it seems like it's more than John McCain can handle, just keeping all the lies about Sarah Palin straight in his head. Tomorrow he'll say she's in the Air Force herself, on a plane she bought on eBay, bombing the bridges at Toko-Ri.

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It's all Shiites and Sunnis to John McCain. So what's your problem? We're told that Lord Raglan fought the entire Crimean War believing the Russians were the French. And that worked out okay because, uh, everyone under his command died.

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"I know how to win wars! I know how to win wars!" -- John McCain 7/15/08

I know this is a sort of threadbare exercise -- the old switcheroo -- but imagine what would happen if Barack Obama got the Army and the National Guard mixed up.

Comments

[JubilationLeigh]

I'm still trying to figure out how he knows how to win wars. What wars as he won?

[Housewife]

I believe all the marbles have been lost.

[rboylern]

The good Senator does seem a bit befuddled at times. I doubt if this is the kind of change we need, seeing as how the very personification of befuddlement has been occupying the White House for close to 8 years now.

[Promise]

He does sort of resemble Elmer Fudd...(speaking of being befuddled..)

[valleygent]

You are far too kind...I don't want this incompetent dimwit running my Government. Period. McCain stands for absolutely nothing. Senator Obama can at the very least articulate a concise message and plan, and I believe him when he says he will change Government for the better.

[trubbyboy]

I would love to have a president who is MUCH wiser than me.
Just listening to the soundbites this week from both candidates, any seine, objective voter with a moderate amount of intelligence, can only see that Obama is the one who has his act together.

[nodonjuan]

Every time I see him I wait for him to scream"Get off my lawn"

[skippypicasso]

That's beautul...you have to know I'm cribbing that one!

[Norak]

That's funny,rofl.

[deliriousgod]

he knows how to win! 10 years on the isle of Elba gave him time to rethink Waterloo; preparation H is the answer!

[Bienville]

This is cute. NB wasn't on Elba for 10 years and he lost at Waterloo after his exile there. He might have needed preparation H; how history might have been changed by only a few medicated pads.

[deliriousgod]

or if some frenchman hadn't invented oncology

[mscriblerus]

I think it's giving McCain a pass to pin his straw grasping moments on his age. He's been unhinged for quite some time. It's been over 10 years since he derided his wife in public with words like trollop. And she's supposed to be somebody he actually loves.

[atp2007]

Wouldn't you think that most politicians would check to make sure that the President had the authority to fire the head of the SEC at will before making a scene about how he was goin to fire guy? Palin has already had an effect on him, he has learned her favorite political trick of firing a veteran Republican male to forward your career.

[Phoenixredux]

Oh, thank you, thank you; that was funny.

"I know how" is not a policy statement.

[msv1980]

It doesn't take a prodigy to realize that as we age our brains change and so does our capacity to think and remember things. The man is in his 70's what do people expect for him to have the mental capacity of a 40 year old. Don't get me wrong I am not saying 70 is really old, or that people in their 70's don't have sharp mind's, but the truth is this man is under a lot of stress and has been faced with many past medical issues. I am not a supported of his, but I think something is really wrong when people start talking about him possiblity being dead soon and his VP taking over. If that was the case the republicans should have chosen someone a little younger.

[Beca]

The repugs really didn't have a choice, McCain won more delegate votes than the other younger candidates! It is true though as one ages, one begins to loose their short term memory recall ability--that part of the brain starts to become like "tefflon" nothing sticks. This even begins when one is younger than he is-although the process begins very slowly, it accelerates as one ages. Stress and extreme exhaustion only exacerbates this. Not everybody ages the same way, and many are able to keep their mind sharper than others with "brain exercises", however it clear than McCain is not one of the "sharper" seniors. His past bouts of melanoma and the treatment for this cancer also affect memory and recall, so he is in worse shape than most his age.
Yes there is something wrong when people don't care about these issues, rather they care more about keeping the power for their political party than what would be best for this country.

[Ginger5]

Perhaps his confusing shiites for sunni and vice versa
confusing the borders of middle eastern countries
forgetting about the chronology of the anbar awakening
and now thinking that spain or its leader reside in this hemisphere
are all consistant with early dementia.
This would explain why his wife is always at his side and also why he truly wanted Lieberman (his compadre and enabler) to be on the ticket.
makes you wonder about early DEMENTIA

[WolfLarsen]

You know McCain is slipping when he goes a whole DAY without mentioning that he was a POW.

[Fudgefase]

ROFL

[xmontreal]

"I know how to win wars! I know how to win wars!" -- John McCain 7/15/08

Where did he learn to win wars?? The only war he was in --we lost!!

[Norak]

And he didn't do so well, either.

[applescruff]

This is a very serious problem. We have a man running for President who because of his advanced age could very well put at risk the American people with a backwoods ,vindictive, egotistical opportunist who knows nothing about the world outside tundra society.

[sradag]

Yes, this is serious...­terrifying actually. But how do reach the misinformed, the people who believe all of the lies?

[Fudgefase]

If only wolves and polar bears could vote. I hear the Caribou are right behind O.

[neocon666]

McCain only worked ONE weekend during the entire primaries.
Pundits have raised the issue that the presidential race is a grueling undertaking, even for a younger man. McCain will be at his wit's end long before November 4th.

[Catman01]

He appears to be there now.

[Fudgefase]

He thinks it's somewhere he has to give a speech at. A nice town hall type thing.

[voteABC]

If you want to follow up on Kelly's thoughts on McCain's marbles - specifically how they might be lost - read "Is McCain Mentally Stable?" at http://abcparty.org

The piece is all about McCain hiding his psychological records and what that might mean.

Vote Anyone But Conservative!

abcparty.org