The Weekly Standard Embarrasses Me In Front of My Friends

Dear Arianna,

You're so nice, and I feel like we have this good thing going, so this isn't going to be easy, but it has to be said. I told you a lie on Tuesday.

I never meant to hurt you. That was the last thing I wanted. But if you'll just calm down and let me explain.

It wasn't my fault.

It was that asshole Bill Kristol.

Can you... can you... can you just let me talk? Okay.

Remember how I was blogging about that Kid Rock video, the one they show before every movie in America, where Kid carries on about the National Guard kicking ass, and all you can think is, "If we could wring out his hat, we wouldn't need foreign oil?" Well, I said a lot of things, because I was angry... we were both angry, if you recall... and one of them was:

"Which is why they -- we -- hired an Academy Award-winning director, James Mangold, and a brilliant, Academy Award-nominated cinematographer, Wally Pfister."

Well, James Mangold did direct American Warrior, and he'll have to answer for that. But he's never won an Academy Award. He's never even been nominated for an Academy Award. He directed Walk the Line, and Reese Witherspoon won an Academy Award, and that was the beginning of the end for her and Ryan.

That and the fact that she couldn't trust him. The way you can't trust me. If I'm going to go around lying all the time.

I know. I know. This it how it started with you and Newt Gingrich.

Where did I get the fool idea that James Mangold won an Academy Award? I checked the places I looked things up on Tuesday.

-Advertising Age
-USA Today
-A trade magazine called Shoot
-A website for an ad agency called LM&O
-A press release from a marketing company called 2ergo
-Some other press releases
-The National Humanities Alliance
-The National Endowment for the Arts
-Commondreams.org.

-I knew that John Wayne shot parts of Sands of Iwo Jima at Republic in Studio City (now CBS Studio Center), but I looked it up just to be sure.

-The Laurie Anderson quote is from "Sharkey's Day."

And, please forgive me, Arianna, it turns out I used one other source, too...

How to Woo a Warrior

The National Guard, Now Showing at the Multiplex
by Justin Shubow

Now airing in theaters before the coming attractions, "American Warrior" is a stunningly unorthodox commercial for the U.S. National Guard. Directed by Academy Award-winner James Mangold, the two-minute-and-35-second music video combines a kick-ass song by Kid Rock with visuals that cut between the rock star in concert, Dale Earnhardt Jr. braving danger in a stock-car race, and guardsmen deployed at home and abroad...

The Weekly Standard
Volume 014, Issue 08
11/03/2008

What was I thinking? I wasn't thinking. I guess I just assumed even they couldn't be wrong about everything. Especially something so easy to check. At least not in the lede.

I know, the only way to tell when William Kristol is lying is when his horrible lipless skull is clapping up and down, but come on.

I've learned my lesson. You can trust websites and performance artists; you can trust your memory; you can trust ad agencies and press releases, but you can never, ever believe anything in The Weekly Standard.

Comments

[larry278]

Sorry about the typos, my spell check isn't working.

[larry278]

Since Tina Brown's DAILY BEAST has become a popular blog on the www & HP has used it at times & posted some of its blogs, why doesn't someone start a blog which covers thing that the WEEKLY STANDARD is interested in? The new blog could be called the DAILY BASTARD or the OCCASIONAL ILLITERATE ILLIGETIMATE.

[LiberalBuzz]

I got up and left the theatre to go into the lobby and read the posters for upcoming movies and get my popcorn. The thing about it, and this is not a dig against the Guard (other than wasting that money) and GOD BLESS THE GUARD, but the dam ned video reminded me of the Theme Fromj TEAM AMERICA.

NOT as fast mind you, but I kept expecting to hear "F**K YEAH ever at the end of each chorus line. HORRIBLE video but I am sure there are those Dale SR, loving, Toby Keith loving rednecks out there who raised a Bud to the commercial. And maybe that was the target audience.

[larry278]

If a conservative or neo-con is your source, do a fact check on at least 1 search engine; use 2 or 3 search engines if you're going to quote & use a conservative or neo-con. You, not your source, get hung for using incorrect & false innformation. Make sure that you acknowledge your error at once. There is no graceful way to say that I got fooled by an unreliable source. Say it quickly. Be done with the unreliable source as your sole source. Verify everything from unreliable sources completely before you use the previously or newly unreliable source's material. It's the old, "Fool me once-shame on you; fool me twice-shame on me." routine.
The learned occupations demand complete accuracy 100% of the time. If you're not 100% accurate 100% of the time-it's good bye credibility(?). Critics are always cruel. It's their stock in trade.

[rock2casbah]

Don't sweat it Chris. The least of my concerns while reading your entertaining satire is if that Mangold guy really actually did or did not win an Academy Award. Is this what you have to put up with as far as fact checking is concerned.?

Does it go a little something like this at headquarters? "Don't worry about if there are WMD's or not, just be sure you spell Al Quaeda and not Al Quadda?

[laserbob]

Chris, never heard of the IMDB? (Internet Movie Database). Wow, now that's kinda
breathtaking! Anything and everything, you ever wanted to know, and stuff maybe
that you don't want to know about anyone that's ever been in front, behind, above
and below a camera is in there. If you would have checked, you might have just
discovered like I have that this is the guy that really, REALLY made Meg Ryan
look horrible in Kate and Leopold, which is quite a feat in itself (aside from the
horrible LA plastic surgery that is being foist on some of the worlds aging
beauty's) Next time, IMDB it! I can't believe you have gone there and looked
up your own listing!

lb.

[Debru]

Actually, the IMDB is often inaccurate.

For Academy Award nominations and winners, it's best to refer to the Academy's own website:

http://www.oscars.org/

[LateDave]

On the commuter train the other day, some guy informed me that Little Danny Quayle was a Rhodes Scholar. He claimed that he'd heard it on ...Discovery or History or some such TV channel. I did a take - just a slight frown, I think - and pulled out my CrackBerry to confirm. The only references were to statements like "Sarah Palin makes Dan Quayle look like a Rhodes Scholar" and like that. DQ's official bio makes no reference to such a thing. Conclusion: not even close. Just like I thought. The only Rhodes Scholar to get within a heartbeat of the Presidency is ol' Bill himself.

I tell this because the guy was incensed that I would fact check his hogwash. Assuming he didn't make it up on the spot, it was much more likely to be a Rush gibe than an honest mistake. In truth, I don't know the guy's politics or opinions in general; he may even have voted for Democrats in every election since he turned 21 (too old to have voted at 18).

The _Weekly Standard_ fluff could be of the same sort: mistaken recollection or deliberate misrepresentation. But both serve to remind that EVERY statement inconsistent with your progressive judgement or coming from a questionable source needs to be fact checked. Preferably in front of the statement-maker: the best use of RIM technology that I can think of.

[jeff]

dude you write for free at huff-po, i dont think you need to worry too much.

[PennP]

"I know, the only way to tell when William Kristol is lying is when his horrible lipless skull is clapping up and down, but come on."

Thank you for giving me such a wonderful image to distract myself from what emerges from said skull. And good on you for the correction, seriously.

[bartonfink]

best chris kelly line in recent memory. he should write for the onion

[SiberianRat]

So true! A few years ago, there was some sort of "study" done about how Republicans have thinner lips than Dems, and I've seen so much evidence to support that since the story. Kristol is a far-to-the-right whacko, thus the near absence of lips (kinda like some of the muppets, although I don't mean to insult muppets). Kid Rock is a nightmare. I haven't seen the clip described in the article (thank God), but it would be go-to-get-popcorn time for sure.

[Stirner]

By and large it seems, at least in my experience, that Republicans are angry over most everything (you know, lack of "Patriotism", respect for elders, respect for tradition -- the "Heritage" gang -- etc.) Angry people, as actors who wish to mimic them know, clench their jaws and tighten their lips. Ergo: Republicans have thinner lips than Democrats. Remember the difference between conservatives (neo- and otherwise) and liberals: conservatives see everyone as a possible enemy. Liberals see everyone as a possible friend. Both are partially right -- or partially wrong.

[DummieBommieDave]

James Mangold won an Amanda Award, which is a Norwegian Academy Award. So he is an Academy Award winner, they just left out the word "Norwegian."

[JohnJudy]

Wow. The Weekly Standard got something wrong.

Next thing you know the sky will turn blue and bears will poop in the woods.

[bored2tears]

>>>"If we could ring out his hat, we wouldn't need foreign oil?"

Wring the bell. Literacy is dead.

[BigCheese]

So is spelling.

[hughbetcha]

He was being ironic.

[girlgoneriled]

Oh, jeesh. News Flash: Writers don't personally typeset their own columns. And proofeaders do occasionally miss one.

[Querent]

Good thing there is the International Internet Typesetters Union to deal with it. Unfortunately, proofreaders went extinct in 1992.

[NoMoFearNoMoHate]

serves you right Chris! :^)